cold feet

As boring as it gets here, I still want this more than to go back to school. I can't help but keep thinking about how much my life is going to change, even after only the first day. I remember returning to classes after getting back from Rome... writing on the blog - I couldn't even image then how horrible a semester was to come. I think that people don't understand a lot of the time. Sure I get good grades and I do fine with my gpa, etc but my happiness and stress are at unbelievable levels after the first few all-nighters. I'm also nervous again about partner work. I'm sure James and I will respect each other well enough - or at least I hope that can last for a while... I really don't want to get into a bad place working with one person for an entire semester. Ahh, I don't know what else to write for now. My mind has been trapped in a state of dread, thinking about going back to school. I'm not ready to see all the professors again or go to class from 8am to 8pm - yea that's my schedule for Wednesdays... I just hope that DD is a lot like Enclosures I wouldn't mind figuring out details and wall sections all semster long. I'm also caught-up worrying about not having a job. I know that next summer I'm going to need a good job, but I can only hope to find a place early and to still have some affection for architecture by that point. I know that part of the reason I couldn't get a job this summer was because I was too focused on studio, as opposed to finding a job, and by the end of it all I didn't want to have anything to do with architecture.

I guess I could just try to fill my time with things I enjoy. Things that pull me away from architecture, so that when I have to focus on it I'm really putting my whole heart in and not just doing it out of a begrudging habit. I'd like to do yoga... but school yoga conflicts with studio (what else is new having a four hour class three times a week...?), maybe joining the equestrian team again would be good - I'd only be nervous about the new coach wanting me to go to shows. I know that the whole show thing is draining and all about who you know, it's not always judged on how good you really are and that would just add stress to the whole studio environment which kind of works in the same way. I'd like to spend time in my new apartment. Elsie just told me today she wants to keep her futon in my room, which would be a comfy place to do work. I also want to have a big desk and comfy chair so I don't have to be in studio all of the time. I can't wait to have my own room again, a big bed, and a big room compared to last semester... I'll probably be getting spoiled living at the yellow house.

Oh, here's an excerpt from the archaeology book that I started reading last night, I like this guy's voice a lot he sounds like quite the character:

" This is a scavenger's scrapbook, written by a layman who has rummaged inquisitively in the crowded attic of the human past. "

Sounds like fun to me!

- c