Ahhh, walking around RPI. It puts me so on edge. Just approaching the Greene Building makes me start to get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach - the library, the place I should love the most is nerve-wreaking because I never know who will walk in. Even professors I should be happy to see - like DBell makes me nervous - I won't know what to say, I'll go back to feeling dumb and worthless... just the anxiety of seeing these people is such a bad thing. Eric looks forward to school. He's working under one of his professors as a master's student and this guy is already giving him job offers. I always thought that architecture professors and 'us' students were supposed to be really close. That they are some of the most accessible professors on campus. I mean at this point I have to believe it's something about myself that turns them away from me - maybe it's that I didn't go out enough in Italy or I'm not artsy enough for Oatman.... ? I just wish I could have that one 'go to' professor that I could trust to help me out in the future. I feel like that could have been DBell until last semester when I broke down in his office at the end of the year. I was so heartbroken, upset, confused I didn't want to have anything more to do with architecture and saying this to him made me feel so worthless. He's like the crown prince of the school of architecture (that would be I guess if the dean were 'king'... which now he definitely is not, but Balfour was...), so how do you tell the crown prince you just don't belong in the kingdom and it makes you sad to be there? Okay, that was taken a bit far, but it's comparable.
So, I went to the Greene Building today... as mentioned... huge knot in my stomach, ensuing headache, sweating, nervous... and decided to looked around the library for some architectural inspiration. Lately, I've been so disinterested in everything I've seen. There's not much that sparks my imagination and this worries me seeing as I need to be wooed by a single building for an entire semester. I flipped through a couple nice magazines but all there is these days are spiraling whirlygigs or super boxy white things or a complete and utter mess of shapes all crumpled together. It's like information overload in architecture these days.
Rich was comparing it to the current car market - how they press for a million different mini concepts and expect this great animal to emerge, but instead it just falls short in all the categories it was supposed to excel, not to mention all the cars are just huge, bulky bubble-vehicles now. And I guess the same can be said for architecture - it's all just an up and down and all around mess. The architectural 'language' has completely degenerated, and even in school they are breeding young archies who hide whatever knowledge they harbor. Noone shares anymore in this architectural cult. This should be a flourishing culture a group of people apart from the world but in-tune with one another, not a jaded underground game...
Ah, alright I need to work on the whole angst-towards-architecture thing it's really killing me and noone cares haha. Either I'm guna like this thing or not, and that decision has to come along pretty soon.
- c
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
summer eternal
I started this blog last winter break. Back then it was called 'Oh joy... in Troy' - thoroughly enthused to be going back then, too, huh? Well, I'm not ready to give up my current title. I love being trapped in summer, and being trapped in the fall would be fine too, only for me it'll be trapped in architecture, which isn't as fun.
When I was younger fall and winter were my favorite seasons. I've always loved Halloween. All of the leaves, the pumpkin-y smelling candels and soaps that my mom buys, and just the general feeling that everything is changing at every moment of the day. Sure, this happens in the summer, too, but you don't see leaves falling to show the time passing by. I think I used to love the fall because I liked going back to school. I have always previously looked forward to it. I remember in high school thinking that I could be a lifelong student, by now those thoughts have changed. It's going to be really hard for me to see everyone in my grade at rpi finally escaping. I really wish right now architecture was four years also, I mean in one semester we go through more stress and all-nighters than everyone else in the school goes through over their whole time at rpi.
I remember Saunder's semester sophomore year - I thought that getting one hour of sleep a night during the week was pretty good... no wonder all-nighters now hurt me so much. I guess there are downsides to being an archie during the spring semester as well, I've always wanted to be in the breast cancer walk that everyone at school goes to. I've wanted to walk around or sit out for a day in the spring weather, but there's absolutely no time for a breather in this major. I understand that architects live outside of culture, which is a good thing it forces architecture to not fall to fads, or passing trends, but living so far out of culture that we ruin our bodies is not fair.
I want to go apple picking with my family in the fall. I want to go to my uncle's wedding. I want to relax and maybe even look at grad schools during Thanksgiving break. I want to go to interviews at firms that I'm interested in. All of these things - right now and overall - are more important to me than architecture, but somehow when I'm consumed in the work I lose sight of what really matters. I've been thinking lately - as horrible as this might sound - that one way for me to really succeed this semester is to just not take myself so seriously as an architect. The more I think I deserve the attention and respect of being a good student, the more I'm going to expect it from the professors and my classmates. I just have to keep strong in my real interests like yoga, horseback riding, and keep my 'eye on the prize' just graduating and joining a historic preservation team.
The more I can follow what I like and work steadily every day, and the more I don't care what the professors do/say/think about me I think the easier it will be to get by this semester. I know that I must have some level of respect... I don't believe DBell would let me TA for him so many times without having some sort of confidence in me. I also don't think Demitrios would email me back so many times about working for him, too, unless he really felt like he would hire me. Sometimes I can convince myself that people are just doing these things out of courtesy, but I think for these few times I can give myself a pat on the back and believe that they do like me. I know as far as having an 'in' with these archie professors, I need to be more social and outgoing, like more willing to go out to the bars and not rush back to go to sleep or hang out with Eric. I should have done this when I was in Italy, but my homesickness hits me hard and I always want to go back. Well, these are my thoughts for now. Thoughts as the weather is changing and I have to build up a big old shell to protect myself for the onslaught that will be this semester.
- c
When I was younger fall and winter were my favorite seasons. I've always loved Halloween. All of the leaves, the pumpkin-y smelling candels and soaps that my mom buys, and just the general feeling that everything is changing at every moment of the day. Sure, this happens in the summer, too, but you don't see leaves falling to show the time passing by. I think I used to love the fall because I liked going back to school. I have always previously looked forward to it. I remember in high school thinking that I could be a lifelong student, by now those thoughts have changed. It's going to be really hard for me to see everyone in my grade at rpi finally escaping. I really wish right now architecture was four years also, I mean in one semester we go through more stress and all-nighters than everyone else in the school goes through over their whole time at rpi.
I remember Saunder's semester sophomore year - I thought that getting one hour of sleep a night during the week was pretty good... no wonder all-nighters now hurt me so much. I guess there are downsides to being an archie during the spring semester as well, I've always wanted to be in the breast cancer walk that everyone at school goes to. I've wanted to walk around or sit out for a day in the spring weather, but there's absolutely no time for a breather in this major. I understand that architects live outside of culture, which is a good thing it forces architecture to not fall to fads, or passing trends, but living so far out of culture that we ruin our bodies is not fair.
I want to go apple picking with my family in the fall. I want to go to my uncle's wedding. I want to relax and maybe even look at grad schools during Thanksgiving break. I want to go to interviews at firms that I'm interested in. All of these things - right now and overall - are more important to me than architecture, but somehow when I'm consumed in the work I lose sight of what really matters. I've been thinking lately - as horrible as this might sound - that one way for me to really succeed this semester is to just not take myself so seriously as an architect. The more I think I deserve the attention and respect of being a good student, the more I'm going to expect it from the professors and my classmates. I just have to keep strong in my real interests like yoga, horseback riding, and keep my 'eye on the prize' just graduating and joining a historic preservation team.
The more I can follow what I like and work steadily every day, and the more I don't care what the professors do/say/think about me I think the easier it will be to get by this semester. I know that I must have some level of respect... I don't believe DBell would let me TA for him so many times without having some sort of confidence in me. I also don't think Demitrios would email me back so many times about working for him, too, unless he really felt like he would hire me. Sometimes I can convince myself that people are just doing these things out of courtesy, but I think for these few times I can give myself a pat on the back and believe that they do like me. I know as far as having an 'in' with these archie professors, I need to be more social and outgoing, like more willing to go out to the bars and not rush back to go to sleep or hang out with Eric. I should have done this when I was in Italy, but my homesickness hits me hard and I always want to go back. Well, these are my thoughts for now. Thoughts as the weather is changing and I have to build up a big old shell to protect myself for the onslaught that will be this semester.
- c
Monday, August 23, 2010
sculptures that cut deep
This first sculpture is by Bernini and it angers me and makes me sad the most of almost any piece of artwork I've seen:
Here's a detail:
This next one is called the Veiled Vestal Virgin, I've not seen it in real-life, but I'd love to:
I wish I could have found a better one of the fisherman's net... that one in real life made me stop for a good ten minutes and just stare at the beauty of that net. Not to mention the sculpture itself is so playful and full of emotion, it really captures a unique moment. And all of the veiled sculptures. There's just something behind that thin layer of marble and lace that makes the face beyond it all the more dead and untouchable... but this too, at the same time, makes the face behind the veil have a surreal life within it. There's something with that sheer threshold that burns a fire of life deep within those pieces. And the Persephone statue made me so mad the first time I saw it. It was not fair that the young Persephone was stolen from her mother to live and be loved by Hades. This was certainly not the Beauty and the Beast story, it was absolutely uprooting and horrible, I could barely look at her pained face, and to see his greedy hands pulling her down, it made me want to go up and pull the whole marble apart by hand. I couldn't understand why everyone else was so nonchalant about the goings-on of this piece, how could they allow it? It pained me so much. I wanted to cry. I guess it was this progression of emotions that has drawn other people so close to this work, it really carves away deep at your heart.
- c
Here's a detail:
This next one is called the Veiled Vestal Virgin, I've not seen it in real-life, but I'd love to:
These final few are from the San Severo chapel in Napoli - my favorite city in the South:
I wish I could have found a better one of the fisherman's net... that one in real life made me stop for a good ten minutes and just stare at the beauty of that net. Not to mention the sculpture itself is so playful and full of emotion, it really captures a unique moment. And all of the veiled sculptures. There's just something behind that thin layer of marble and lace that makes the face beyond it all the more dead and untouchable... but this too, at the same time, makes the face behind the veil have a surreal life within it. There's something with that sheer threshold that burns a fire of life deep within those pieces. And the Persephone statue made me so mad the first time I saw it. It was not fair that the young Persephone was stolen from her mother to live and be loved by Hades. This was certainly not the Beauty and the Beast story, it was absolutely uprooting and horrible, I could barely look at her pained face, and to see his greedy hands pulling her down, it made me want to go up and pull the whole marble apart by hand. I couldn't understand why everyone else was so nonchalant about the goings-on of this piece, how could they allow it? It pained me so much. I wanted to cry. I guess it was this progression of emotions that has drawn other people so close to this work, it really carves away deep at your heart.
- c
let me enjoy summer!
Already we are getting emails from the archie professors... what a bunch of jerks. Don't they understand they'll have their time to bust our asses once the semester starts? I really, absolutely hate this bullshit sending us things to do while we're still on break. I really wish the boys in my class had decided to go away to som in new york city this semester. Even though I think I would have really liked the things they study there, I can't stand being in their classes for another semester. They are the pride and joy of my class and while it should be good to be near them/ 'learning' from them in class it just becomes a stressful hassel, and it wears away at the little self esteem I have left. I really wish they were not in my DD. It'll be hard enough to get through this intensive course, but it'll be just the same obstacles as last semester with them in it too - always being the idols of my professors, the kids they wish they still were. I know it'll be no different this semester, especially with Jefferson teaching DD, too... I'm pretty sure he wants to be Steve.
As for some good news, I'm back to my dreaming about grad school. I've been looking at Boston now, just incase the whole England thing doesn't come to fruition. I'd like to visit Harvard, BU, MIT, and Tufts to see what they really have going on, and also to talk to people in Anthropology/ Archaeology and maybe see what good an architecture student could add to their department... what I could do with the architecture on site (even though my mom thinks I just want to go on a dig and not take the profession seriously... but who knows? maybe that is all I'll end up wanting to get involved in). I think it's a good sign again that only a few days after getting back from Martha's Vineyard and already I want to travel again. Of course at the moment it's wanting to be back on the vineyard, or go to Boston, something like Italy, Ireland, or Egypt wouldn't be too shabby either. I would only fear that beginning a lifestyle full of travel would make me very sad when it came time to finally settle down. I wouldn't want to hurt the people I love, because I don't like being in one place for too long, but even in my everyday life I'm constantly a nomad. Every semester I've had my apartment, the Greene Building, Eric's apartment, the Yellow House, the Skank... all these different friends' places in addition to school and home and the need to travel. There's some insatiable pull for me to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.
In Italy I savored the day. Being able to wander around this new place that never ceased to interest and surprise me - it was exhilarating. I loved not being in America and being a stranger to all of the wonderful Italian people. It was only at night that I would get sad and lonely. That will probably forever be the paradox of my life. The need to travel and get away, and the equal need to return home to someone familiar who makes me happy... these two things will probably not be completely satisfied if I take up a nomadic profession.
So, what else for today? Some things that I want to do before summer is over... and how did it happen this fast?! I feel like it was just the end of May when I finally decided to drive home and no longer put up with the ongoing bullshit Studio that was spilling over into my summer time. It wasn't that long ago I had a great time being a summer counselor in the hot hot heat of July, walking students back and forth over the barren, welcomingly empty campus. Time when I was sitting outside, gathering my tan without worrying about this fast approaching 'end'. I think I understand now why most degrees are four years long, I'm ready to drop my bags now and just start a job already, no more of this professor bull, or all-nighters spent debating what a rear entrance-way will look like. I'm ready to get out there and experiment, especially since my major does not allow for this at all. And those things I'd like to do... I still haven't been to yoga yet, but I'd like to find a place to maybe join for the semester, something new and relaxing that I know can pull me out of any rut, or bad state of mind. I also want to play hockey again before I have to wait for the season. Going to the Culinary Institute for dinner is also on this list, but in this short week I'm not sure where it will fit in. I was also hoping to have my eye exam sometime before school starts, because I know fair-well that I won't want to take time to go over there once this semester ensues.
Well, this is all for now I suppose. There's only so much moaning about school and dreaming of the future that I can draw out of myself everyday.
Great Hypostyle Hall - Karnak
Hypostyle Hall - Karnak, again
- c
As for some good news, I'm back to my dreaming about grad school. I've been looking at Boston now, just incase the whole England thing doesn't come to fruition. I'd like to visit Harvard, BU, MIT, and Tufts to see what they really have going on, and also to talk to people in Anthropology/ Archaeology and maybe see what good an architecture student could add to their department... what I could do with the architecture on site (even though my mom thinks I just want to go on a dig and not take the profession seriously... but who knows? maybe that is all I'll end up wanting to get involved in). I think it's a good sign again that only a few days after getting back from Martha's Vineyard and already I want to travel again. Of course at the moment it's wanting to be back on the vineyard, or go to Boston, something like Italy, Ireland, or Egypt wouldn't be too shabby either. I would only fear that beginning a lifestyle full of travel would make me very sad when it came time to finally settle down. I wouldn't want to hurt the people I love, because I don't like being in one place for too long, but even in my everyday life I'm constantly a nomad. Every semester I've had my apartment, the Greene Building, Eric's apartment, the Yellow House, the Skank... all these different friends' places in addition to school and home and the need to travel. There's some insatiable pull for me to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.
In Italy I savored the day. Being able to wander around this new place that never ceased to interest and surprise me - it was exhilarating. I loved not being in America and being a stranger to all of the wonderful Italian people. It was only at night that I would get sad and lonely. That will probably forever be the paradox of my life. The need to travel and get away, and the equal need to return home to someone familiar who makes me happy... these two things will probably not be completely satisfied if I take up a nomadic profession.
So, what else for today? Some things that I want to do before summer is over... and how did it happen this fast?! I feel like it was just the end of May when I finally decided to drive home and no longer put up with the ongoing bullshit Studio that was spilling over into my summer time. It wasn't that long ago I had a great time being a summer counselor in the hot hot heat of July, walking students back and forth over the barren, welcomingly empty campus. Time when I was sitting outside, gathering my tan without worrying about this fast approaching 'end'. I think I understand now why most degrees are four years long, I'm ready to drop my bags now and just start a job already, no more of this professor bull, or all-nighters spent debating what a rear entrance-way will look like. I'm ready to get out there and experiment, especially since my major does not allow for this at all. And those things I'd like to do... I still haven't been to yoga yet, but I'd like to find a place to maybe join for the semester, something new and relaxing that I know can pull me out of any rut, or bad state of mind. I also want to play hockey again before I have to wait for the season. Going to the Culinary Institute for dinner is also on this list, but in this short week I'm not sure where it will fit in. I was also hoping to have my eye exam sometime before school starts, because I know fair-well that I won't want to take time to go over there once this semester ensues.
Well, this is all for now I suppose. There's only so much moaning about school and dreaming of the future that I can draw out of myself everyday.
Great Hypostyle Hall - Karnak
Hypostyle Hall - Karnak, again
- c
cold feet
As boring as it gets here, I still want this more than to go back to school. I can't help but keep thinking about how much my life is going to change, even after only the first day. I remember returning to classes after getting back from Rome... writing on the blog - I couldn't even image then how horrible a semester was to come. I think that people don't understand a lot of the time. Sure I get good grades and I do fine with my gpa, etc but my happiness and stress are at unbelievable levels after the first few all-nighters. I'm also nervous again about partner work. I'm sure James and I will respect each other well enough - or at least I hope that can last for a while... I really don't want to get into a bad place working with one person for an entire semester. Ahh, I don't know what else to write for now. My mind has been trapped in a state of dread, thinking about going back to school. I'm not ready to see all the professors again or go to class from 8am to 8pm - yea that's my schedule for Wednesdays... I just hope that DD is a lot like Enclosures I wouldn't mind figuring out details and wall sections all semster long. I'm also caught-up worrying about not having a job. I know that next summer I'm going to need a good job, but I can only hope to find a place early and to still have some affection for architecture by that point. I know that part of the reason I couldn't get a job this summer was because I was too focused on studio, as opposed to finding a job, and by the end of it all I didn't want to have anything to do with architecture.
I guess I could just try to fill my time with things I enjoy. Things that pull me away from architecture, so that when I have to focus on it I'm really putting my whole heart in and not just doing it out of a begrudging habit. I'd like to do yoga... but school yoga conflicts with studio (what else is new having a four hour class three times a week...?), maybe joining the equestrian team again would be good - I'd only be nervous about the new coach wanting me to go to shows. I know that the whole show thing is draining and all about who you know, it's not always judged on how good you really are and that would just add stress to the whole studio environment which kind of works in the same way. I'd like to spend time in my new apartment. Elsie just told me today she wants to keep her futon in my room, which would be a comfy place to do work. I also want to have a big desk and comfy chair so I don't have to be in studio all of the time. I can't wait to have my own room again, a big bed, and a big room compared to last semester... I'll probably be getting spoiled living at the yellow house.
Oh, here's an excerpt from the archaeology book that I started reading last night, I like this guy's voice a lot he sounds like quite the character:
" This is a scavenger's scrapbook, written by a layman who has rummaged inquisitively in the crowded attic of the human past. "
Sounds like fun to me!
I guess I could just try to fill my time with things I enjoy. Things that pull me away from architecture, so that when I have to focus on it I'm really putting my whole heart in and not just doing it out of a begrudging habit. I'd like to do yoga... but school yoga conflicts with studio (what else is new having a four hour class three times a week...?), maybe joining the equestrian team again would be good - I'd only be nervous about the new coach wanting me to go to shows. I know that the whole show thing is draining and all about who you know, it's not always judged on how good you really are and that would just add stress to the whole studio environment which kind of works in the same way. I'd like to spend time in my new apartment. Elsie just told me today she wants to keep her futon in my room, which would be a comfy place to do work. I also want to have a big desk and comfy chair so I don't have to be in studio all of the time. I can't wait to have my own room again, a big bed, and a big room compared to last semester... I'll probably be getting spoiled living at the yellow house.
Oh, here's an excerpt from the archaeology book that I started reading last night, I like this guy's voice a lot he sounds like quite the character:
" This is a scavenger's scrapbook, written by a layman who has rummaged inquisitively in the crowded attic of the human past. "
Sounds like fun to me!
- c
Sunday, August 22, 2010
ariel
I just came upon some of the best news of my life. It was back to personality testing for me... seeing as this has becoming a boredom pasttime and whaddyou know? I have the same personality type as the little mermaid! No wonder I liked her so much... especially her secrect collection of human things (archaeology, cough cough). I also read a pretty interesting little excerpt that sounds a lot like me:
" Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it. "
This was also pretty accurate:
" ENFPs have what some call a 'silly switch'. They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the 'switch' is flipped. "
Okay, well that's all for now I just had to add these because they are so accurate they are funny.
- c
" Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it. "
This was also pretty accurate:
" ENFPs have what some call a 'silly switch'. They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the 'switch' is flipped. "
Okay, well that's all for now I just had to add these because they are so accurate they are funny.
- c
books and changes
Getting back to home felt good the first day, but now it's just back to the same old routine. I've got my collection of books that travels with me from room to room, and it's raining outside. Went shopping at the mall with my mom and sister, well actually went shopping all over the place with them today. First we went to Wits End which on the outside looks like a completely unassuming gift shop. When you enter the place though, it's like mom mania. There were well over one hundred moms there carousing around with their teen/ twenty-year old daughters or younger, still-being-appeased-moms dragging their young husbands around looking at expensive Pandora bracelet jewelry. Of course my mom likes to fit herself into both of these categories so we first went into the Vera Bradley madness and listened to one mom ask her daughter if she wanted basically one of everything in the whole selection... yea, and this Vera Bradley section is big enough to be a store in itself. Then it was on to the jewelry area with women whose faces were planted onto the glass. This section, too, is quite spacious and my mom had her good half hour of deliberation at the glass counters. I have to admit I walked away with a V.B. eye glasses case, but it's something that I can say is 'needed' cuz mine is falling apart. Mom got two Pandora charms and two wallets from V.B.'s husband's collection.
But enough about the shopping... it was interesting to me yesterday when I walked by my mom and said just off-hand how unexcited I am to go back to school. Normally she'd yell at me or tell me to stop saying things like 'that' abot not wanting to go back, but this time she just said 'well maybe you need to decide what you really want to do'. As if that's not mixed signals... when I told her I was signed up for classes in a new major she sort of flipped out. I guess I need to just go in this semester and see if I can do it again... see if I don't die from all the all-nighters, stress, embarassment, sadness, loneliness. I guess it's good Marissa is finally back for DD cuz I'm not sure I could make it through this class on my own. I'm really happy to be moving into the Yellow House, too. I'll be a short walk away from campus which means no driving on no sleep, and no risk of driving into other cars when it's super snowy out. I'm also not looking forward to having to wake James up everyday to come to Studio, but I guess for now I can only hope for the best. I know he'll be a good help with all of the computer work.
I still can't believe school is only a week away, or how much my mind has changed through the summer. This always happen. I begin every summer completely disillusioned and hurt from architecture and exit every vacation ready to go back and kill myself over it again... is this an addiciton? I hope I can get a job, too, maybe it'll force me to plant my mind in a real-world setting, even though I love Ta'ing it still never got me out of RPI, not even out of architecture.
One really positive thing about shopping today - that the show I'm watching on tv is reminding me of - was walking through the Pottery Barn with my mom. I can't wait to get my own place and furnish it and have my own plates and corner desk. I will most definitely be putting bookshelves throughout all my hallways and still have a library full of books, as well. It felt so strange to walk through the place with her though, feeling like I'm finally getting to be old that I can walk through a furniture place with her and comment about the things I like and she's there telling me about what I could 'get for my place', one day in the future, of course. I wonder where I'll end up, and what I'll be doing.
- c
p.s. I also wanted to include my current reading list seeing as I haven't provided a book update lately. So here they are:
I couldn't find an image of the last book I've got in the traveling collection right now, but it's called 'The Pleasure of Archaeology' by Karl E. Meyer - it's looking like a real good read.
- c
But enough about the shopping... it was interesting to me yesterday when I walked by my mom and said just off-hand how unexcited I am to go back to school. Normally she'd yell at me or tell me to stop saying things like 'that' abot not wanting to go back, but this time she just said 'well maybe you need to decide what you really want to do'. As if that's not mixed signals... when I told her I was signed up for classes in a new major she sort of flipped out. I guess I need to just go in this semester and see if I can do it again... see if I don't die from all the all-nighters, stress, embarassment, sadness, loneliness. I guess it's good Marissa is finally back for DD cuz I'm not sure I could make it through this class on my own. I'm really happy to be moving into the Yellow House, too. I'll be a short walk away from campus which means no driving on no sleep, and no risk of driving into other cars when it's super snowy out. I'm also not looking forward to having to wake James up everyday to come to Studio, but I guess for now I can only hope for the best. I know he'll be a good help with all of the computer work.
I still can't believe school is only a week away, or how much my mind has changed through the summer. This always happen. I begin every summer completely disillusioned and hurt from architecture and exit every vacation ready to go back and kill myself over it again... is this an addiciton? I hope I can get a job, too, maybe it'll force me to plant my mind in a real-world setting, even though I love Ta'ing it still never got me out of RPI, not even out of architecture.
One really positive thing about shopping today - that the show I'm watching on tv is reminding me of - was walking through the Pottery Barn with my mom. I can't wait to get my own place and furnish it and have my own plates and corner desk. I will most definitely be putting bookshelves throughout all my hallways and still have a library full of books, as well. It felt so strange to walk through the place with her though, feeling like I'm finally getting to be old that I can walk through a furniture place with her and comment about the things I like and she's there telling me about what I could 'get for my place', one day in the future, of course. I wonder where I'll end up, and what I'll be doing.
- c
p.s. I also wanted to include my current reading list seeing as I haven't provided a book update lately. So here they are:
- c
Saturday, August 21, 2010
martha's vineyard
It's so nice to have been away from the computer for a week - and why haven't I tried to follow my own dreams of being in a job that's not stuck behind a desk? I should really try harder for this.
Well, we got back from the Vineyard yesterday and Eric basically had to pull me onto the ferry and stop me from jumping into the marina and swimming back. I've even had a dream already about being back on the island. And although the weather was sort of sad and gloomy most of the days, it was the highlight of my summer.
We left last Sunday early in the morning and thankfully the drive went by quickly. There was a little bit of traffic in Falmouth due to their road race, and Eric wanted to run it instead of sit in a line of cars and watch all the people with numbers on their shirts walk by. And there I was again sitting on the little stone roundabout near the ferry's entrance watching all the fancy island-ladies in their big hats and rolly luggage, and the ship's crew walking from their cars in swim trunks and sandals, carrying their white work polos and green, whale-patterened belts. I watched the stowed-away boats come off the huge racks across the marina and listened to a Kings of Leon cover band at the pub. Soon we were on the moving ferry, sifting over the sound.
The island hasn't changed and that was the best part. We spent our first afternoon settling in and walking about the park. Later that night we went to a comedy show on Circuit Ave that his cousin was writing a profile for in the newspaper. I felt really bad for the first comedian, he must have been new in the business and was super nervous. It just makes things so akward and difficult when you have to watch someone try to do something they love, and listen to them say things about how terrible they are - I felt really bad for the guy and just wished I could give him some confidence although I'm probably the worst person to provide someone else with confidence. After him came a real funny guy that really lightened the mood in the whole club - that is except for the old man downing wine across the bar who started to fall asleep on his wife's shoulder.
The next few days dragged on in the best vacation-y fashion. They were gloomy and overcast, but that didn't make reading on the porch and coffees from Mocha Mott's any less fun. I think that this slow monotony made me forget about home even more easily. And routinely watching Entourage every evening completely pulled me out from my Albany shell.
Wednesday was Illumination! Eric - being Eric - left for a run at 8 something in the morning. I just kept sleeping thinking he would come back and wake me up to get coffee, but after a while I was tossing and turning and had to go to the bathroom really bad so I just couldn't sleep in any longer. When I checked the time after running to the bathroom, it was 10.30. Since I had just woken up it didn't really hit me how early it was so I asked Kristen and Kevin if they had seen him run by and maybe he was walking? Nope. So I put on my shoes and walked out from the little pink house - a walking wreck really. Thinking I would make progress and find him I started walking through the winding rows of cottages, but only to arrive at the big hotel on the bay twice. By this time it was around 11 and I was starting to get worried - did he collapse from exhaustion? Did he get hurt? - wow such a nice girlfriend huh? When I got back to the cottage Kristen and Kevin were still hanging up some things for the Illumination but quickly got the car keys and we were off to the car. Kristen and I were pretty quiet I think we were both really worried but just didn't want to say anyhting. Kevin was hilarious coming up with things Eric was probably doing like eating at Smokin Bones or looking at the mini horses he had seen the other day. Just as we are cruising along I get a call to his cellphone and of course it's Eric being a doofus and already back at the cottage - nice job Eric... going for a two hour run only to make me and your cousin nervous out of our minds worrying for you.
Later in the day we drove to Edgartown because I wanted to look the vineyard charm bracelets. Okay, these things are literally a small metal coin punched with the vineyard's shape and tied with a cord of elastic. I'm going there all happy to see a new town and to take home with me a piece of jewelry to remind me that there are things that make me happy outside of architecture... but as we are talking to the jewelry lady I have to try not to laugh at the nonsense coming out of her mouth. Eighty five dollars for the smallest version, twenty for beveled metal, five for another cord, and twenty for a larger metal coin... what?!?! This made me so sad. I already had a color picked out. To cheer me up, we went to a cupcake shop off one of the little side streets - Sweet E's. My Vanilla Vanilla cupcake was aamaaazing and Eric got his own s'mores one. This definitely changed my mood.
That day just kept getting better and better. We went to dinner with Kristen and Kevin at a place called Nancy's and got our meal for free! Kristen's journalism job has great perks and her including us on this one was really nice. After dinner we went a little crazy in the gas station over all the alcohol... at one point Kevin was holding Hennessey and Hipnotiq haha. Finally we decided on a strawberry-lime margarita mix and voldka and the boys got some Brooklyn beer. Then we went back to the cottage to listen to the songs at the Sing in the Tabernacle and with the finale all the houses in Oak Bluffs turned on their lights. Unfortunately in this moment the rain decided to pour down. All of the happy Illumination-goers were getting drenched, but still they walked and walked. Our house was definitely one of the favorites. All of the little kids wanted to be us sitting on a glowing pink porch with glowy rings and huge cups of pink drinks and all of the older people wish they were still our age partying on a porch on Martha's Vineyard. I definitely didn't think about the three full glasses of margarita I had because soon we were off to the clubs with me stumbling behind in the back. Of course... me being me... I got distracted either saying sometihng or staring at something in a window and ended up running my foot right into Eric's heel. My foot still has a huge bruise on the top and I ended up walking the last few days, hobbling along like a retard.... the beach must have been quite funny to watch.
I made Eric stay another day on Thursday because it was the first sunny day in the whole week and I'm glad we stayed! We finally got to spend the whole day at the beach, the thing I had been waiting for. It just wouldn't have been a Martha's Vineyard vacation without a sunny day on the beach, especially after going last summer when we had gone almost every day. Later that night Eric and I made chicken alfredo and we went to the neighborhood picnic.
Friday was then an 'Eric movee-out day' where we had to be on time for every single thing with no goofing around and complete seriousness all of the time. Although I did get to go shopping for about an hour in the morning. It was sad saying good-bye on Friday. I didn't want to leave. I had settled into that Martha's Vineyard lifestyle pretty well. We would be leaving morning coffees, reading on the porch, crazy little Valentino - Kristen and Kevin's cat, nights of Entourage and fun people to hang out with, and nightly wine.
The ferry couldn't feel any longer. I just wanted it to turn around and head back.
- c
Well, we got back from the Vineyard yesterday and Eric basically had to pull me onto the ferry and stop me from jumping into the marina and swimming back. I've even had a dream already about being back on the island. And although the weather was sort of sad and gloomy most of the days, it was the highlight of my summer.
We left last Sunday early in the morning and thankfully the drive went by quickly. There was a little bit of traffic in Falmouth due to their road race, and Eric wanted to run it instead of sit in a line of cars and watch all the people with numbers on their shirts walk by. And there I was again sitting on the little stone roundabout near the ferry's entrance watching all the fancy island-ladies in their big hats and rolly luggage, and the ship's crew walking from their cars in swim trunks and sandals, carrying their white work polos and green, whale-patterened belts. I watched the stowed-away boats come off the huge racks across the marina and listened to a Kings of Leon cover band at the pub. Soon we were on the moving ferry, sifting over the sound.
The island hasn't changed and that was the best part. We spent our first afternoon settling in and walking about the park. Later that night we went to a comedy show on Circuit Ave that his cousin was writing a profile for in the newspaper. I felt really bad for the first comedian, he must have been new in the business and was super nervous. It just makes things so akward and difficult when you have to watch someone try to do something they love, and listen to them say things about how terrible they are - I felt really bad for the guy and just wished I could give him some confidence although I'm probably the worst person to provide someone else with confidence. After him came a real funny guy that really lightened the mood in the whole club - that is except for the old man downing wine across the bar who started to fall asleep on his wife's shoulder.
The next few days dragged on in the best vacation-y fashion. They were gloomy and overcast, but that didn't make reading on the porch and coffees from Mocha Mott's any less fun. I think that this slow monotony made me forget about home even more easily. And routinely watching Entourage every evening completely pulled me out from my Albany shell.
Wednesday was Illumination! Eric - being Eric - left for a run at 8 something in the morning. I just kept sleeping thinking he would come back and wake me up to get coffee, but after a while I was tossing and turning and had to go to the bathroom really bad so I just couldn't sleep in any longer. When I checked the time after running to the bathroom, it was 10.30. Since I had just woken up it didn't really hit me how early it was so I asked Kristen and Kevin if they had seen him run by and maybe he was walking? Nope. So I put on my shoes and walked out from the little pink house - a walking wreck really. Thinking I would make progress and find him I started walking through the winding rows of cottages, but only to arrive at the big hotel on the bay twice. By this time it was around 11 and I was starting to get worried - did he collapse from exhaustion? Did he get hurt? - wow such a nice girlfriend huh? When I got back to the cottage Kristen and Kevin were still hanging up some things for the Illumination but quickly got the car keys and we were off to the car. Kristen and I were pretty quiet I think we were both really worried but just didn't want to say anyhting. Kevin was hilarious coming up with things Eric was probably doing like eating at Smokin Bones or looking at the mini horses he had seen the other day. Just as we are cruising along I get a call to his cellphone and of course it's Eric being a doofus and already back at the cottage - nice job Eric... going for a two hour run only to make me and your cousin nervous out of our minds worrying for you.
Later in the day we drove to Edgartown because I wanted to look the vineyard charm bracelets. Okay, these things are literally a small metal coin punched with the vineyard's shape and tied with a cord of elastic. I'm going there all happy to see a new town and to take home with me a piece of jewelry to remind me that there are things that make me happy outside of architecture... but as we are talking to the jewelry lady I have to try not to laugh at the nonsense coming out of her mouth. Eighty five dollars for the smallest version, twenty for beveled metal, five for another cord, and twenty for a larger metal coin... what?!?! This made me so sad. I already had a color picked out. To cheer me up, we went to a cupcake shop off one of the little side streets - Sweet E's. My Vanilla Vanilla cupcake was aamaaazing and Eric got his own s'mores one. This definitely changed my mood.
That day just kept getting better and better. We went to dinner with Kristen and Kevin at a place called Nancy's and got our meal for free! Kristen's journalism job has great perks and her including us on this one was really nice. After dinner we went a little crazy in the gas station over all the alcohol... at one point Kevin was holding Hennessey and Hipnotiq haha. Finally we decided on a strawberry-lime margarita mix and voldka and the boys got some Brooklyn beer. Then we went back to the cottage to listen to the songs at the Sing in the Tabernacle and with the finale all the houses in Oak Bluffs turned on their lights. Unfortunately in this moment the rain decided to pour down. All of the happy Illumination-goers were getting drenched, but still they walked and walked. Our house was definitely one of the favorites. All of the little kids wanted to be us sitting on a glowing pink porch with glowy rings and huge cups of pink drinks and all of the older people wish they were still our age partying on a porch on Martha's Vineyard. I definitely didn't think about the three full glasses of margarita I had because soon we were off to the clubs with me stumbling behind in the back. Of course... me being me... I got distracted either saying sometihng or staring at something in a window and ended up running my foot right into Eric's heel. My foot still has a huge bruise on the top and I ended up walking the last few days, hobbling along like a retard.... the beach must have been quite funny to watch.
I made Eric stay another day on Thursday because it was the first sunny day in the whole week and I'm glad we stayed! We finally got to spend the whole day at the beach, the thing I had been waiting for. It just wouldn't have been a Martha's Vineyard vacation without a sunny day on the beach, especially after going last summer when we had gone almost every day. Later that night Eric and I made chicken alfredo and we went to the neighborhood picnic.
Friday was then an 'Eric movee-out day' where we had to be on time for every single thing with no goofing around and complete seriousness all of the time. Although I did get to go shopping for about an hour in the morning. It was sad saying good-bye on Friday. I didn't want to leave. I had settled into that Martha's Vineyard lifestyle pretty well. We would be leaving morning coffees, reading on the porch, crazy little Valentino - Kristen and Kevin's cat, nights of Entourage and fun people to hang out with, and nightly wine.
The ferry couldn't feel any longer. I just wanted it to turn around and head back.
- c
Friday, August 13, 2010
today
Today I started a conversation with an older archie who is currently pursuing her Master's in historic preservation at Columbia! It's so exciting to be able to talk to someone about a similar interest like this. Even though I'm still very unsure about what my future will hold, the ability to even have someone older to talk to who's in the field feels so secure. Everything she had to say, too, was not only happy and uplifting, but it was stuff that I am looking for. I know that for me to jump to conclusions and dive into something too quickly is a very bad thing - my fire burns out fast. But there is just some new turning-of-a-page feeling that's come from this whole realization that I enjoy and miss seeing Ostia, Trento, Piensa, all of these old towns in Italy and especially all of the old treasures that are nestled into them.
Now it's just a matter of getting myself past DD... I also had a great conversation today with Christine - a girl who went to Italy with us and has just gone through DD - very successfully, her project was voted the 'best' by the professors. While my fears rose hearing that we HAVE to use Microstation for EVERYTHING: renders, drawings, 3D modeling... anddd I also heard about it being a real, awful hell. Printing is going to be a nightmare, getting my partner to wake up and come into studio is going to be a nightmare... but she also is very positive and said that if I liked the Enclosures-type classes (which I most certainly do!) then I might be in a very good position for the type of work they are looking for in DD. She's also the second group that I've heard never pulled an all-nighter in DD - there was another group, two boys from that grade that had an awesome project and slept every night (okay, I'll admit I don't exactly see this happening to me, but it's nice to dream). It was nice to see that she too said she'd be willing to talk about things as I'm going through DD, which after the position I've been in this summer - to entirely walk out on the school of architecture - the best thing I can have right now is some support from people like these. For now I think I just need to keep focused on what I want to do with my future - continue searching out my interestes in the historic stuff and make sure to choose and interesting and challenging project for DD that can keep us occupied and guessing all semester long.
What this post was going to start-off as, was actually discussing this book I've been reading again: The Timeless Way of Building. I'm now onto page 400 and it keeps getting better. I had to stop myself from reading it past 2.45 last night (morning?) because my brain was starting to hurt so much - I was literally being taken away with all of these ideas. So once again, here are some quotes I've pulled from this marvelous book that I'd like to share:
" It is terribly hard to make precise statements which really get to the heart of the matter. Every observation, like the one about the mystery of house entrances, starts with intuition. The task of identifying just precisely thoe relations that are at the heart of such an intuition is no easier in architecture than it is in physics, or biology, or mathematics. Noone can tell you how to do it in science, noone can tell you how to do it in design."
"By contrast, patterns made from thought, without feeling, lack empirical reality entirely."
"We can always ask ourselves how a pattern makes us feel - and we can always ask the same of someone else... he can do experiments to 'prove' something is better - cleaner, healthier, but this is not admitting his feelings while being there."
"So often people choose to put their own opinions forward, in place of reality. Saying people should 'learn to do this' is wishful thinking and the concept will fail - you cannot just claim that a force existing in reality does not exist. Yet it is hard to give up preconceptions of what things 'ought to be' and recognize things as they really are."
"In eary times the city itself was intended as an image of the universe - its form a guarantee of the connection between the heavens and the earth, a picture of a whole and coherent way of life."
"Each language tugs at the fabric of the larger language, pulls with it other larger patterns, and in this fashion then helps to repair the larger whole. Thus, within the larger language, it is impossible for any act not to help to repair the larger whole... A man who builds a house, and has a language for a house, will also help to build the larger street outside his house, generate the patterns which form the street outside his house. A child who helps shape his room will also help generate the larger patterns for the stairway and the common space outside his room." - like the brain, neural networks, unfolding, overlapping, connections new old repeat
Well, once again these quotes are probably just misleading and strange to anyone who isn't reading the book
but to know the depth of these ideas - they would really blow your mind. I guess there's not much more to say about today either. Went shopping with mom and the sis, which has been nice - shopping with them is more common this summer than ever before so I kind of feel like I'm being included a bit more in the family. Disappointing though my best friend can't even find time to talk to me... but that's not something I'll get into right now. There's probably many things going on on her side of things that I have no idea about, so I can in no way begin to judge. Ahh - so bad I need to stop mentioning little perks of personal stuff within these blog posts... that's what my sketchbook is for haha too bad it's so much easier to just sit here and type... but really no, I can't say that because I am more deeply in love with my sketchbook than with any computer. Ciao.
- c
Now it's just a matter of getting myself past DD... I also had a great conversation today with Christine - a girl who went to Italy with us and has just gone through DD - very successfully, her project was voted the 'best' by the professors. While my fears rose hearing that we HAVE to use Microstation for EVERYTHING: renders, drawings, 3D modeling... anddd I also heard about it being a real, awful hell. Printing is going to be a nightmare, getting my partner to wake up and come into studio is going to be a nightmare... but she also is very positive and said that if I liked the Enclosures-type classes (which I most certainly do!) then I might be in a very good position for the type of work they are looking for in DD. She's also the second group that I've heard never pulled an all-nighter in DD - there was another group, two boys from that grade that had an awesome project and slept every night (okay, I'll admit I don't exactly see this happening to me, but it's nice to dream). It was nice to see that she too said she'd be willing to talk about things as I'm going through DD, which after the position I've been in this summer - to entirely walk out on the school of architecture - the best thing I can have right now is some support from people like these. For now I think I just need to keep focused on what I want to do with my future - continue searching out my interestes in the historic stuff and make sure to choose and interesting and challenging project for DD that can keep us occupied and guessing all semester long.
What this post was going to start-off as, was actually discussing this book I've been reading again: The Timeless Way of Building. I'm now onto page 400 and it keeps getting better. I had to stop myself from reading it past 2.45 last night (morning?) because my brain was starting to hurt so much - I was literally being taken away with all of these ideas. So once again, here are some quotes I've pulled from this marvelous book that I'd like to share:
" It is terribly hard to make precise statements which really get to the heart of the matter. Every observation, like the one about the mystery of house entrances, starts with intuition. The task of identifying just precisely thoe relations that are at the heart of such an intuition is no easier in architecture than it is in physics, or biology, or mathematics. Noone can tell you how to do it in science, noone can tell you how to do it in design."
"By contrast, patterns made from thought, without feeling, lack empirical reality entirely."
"We can always ask ourselves how a pattern makes us feel - and we can always ask the same of someone else... he can do experiments to 'prove' something is better - cleaner, healthier, but this is not admitting his feelings while being there."
"So often people choose to put their own opinions forward, in place of reality. Saying people should 'learn to do this' is wishful thinking and the concept will fail - you cannot just claim that a force existing in reality does not exist. Yet it is hard to give up preconceptions of what things 'ought to be' and recognize things as they really are."
"In eary times the city itself was intended as an image of the universe - its form a guarantee of the connection between the heavens and the earth, a picture of a whole and coherent way of life."
"Each language tugs at the fabric of the larger language, pulls with it other larger patterns, and in this fashion then helps to repair the larger whole. Thus, within the larger language, it is impossible for any act not to help to repair the larger whole... A man who builds a house, and has a language for a house, will also help to build the larger street outside his house, generate the patterns which form the street outside his house. A child who helps shape his room will also help generate the larger patterns for the stairway and the common space outside his room." - like the brain, neural networks, unfolding, overlapping, connections new old repeat
Well, once again these quotes are probably just misleading and strange to anyone who isn't reading the book
but to know the depth of these ideas - they would really blow your mind. I guess there's not much more to say about today either. Went shopping with mom and the sis, which has been nice - shopping with them is more common this summer than ever before so I kind of feel like I'm being included a bit more in the family. Disappointing though my best friend can't even find time to talk to me... but that's not something I'll get into right now. There's probably many things going on on her side of things that I have no idea about, so I can in no way begin to judge. Ahh - so bad I need to stop mentioning little perks of personal stuff within these blog posts... that's what my sketchbook is for haha too bad it's so much easier to just sit here and type... but really no, I can't say that because I am more deeply in love with my sketchbook than with any computer. Ciao.
- c
Thursday, August 12, 2010
the timeless way of building
I've recently started a new book - yes, after a long leave-of-absence from my reading phase - and like almost all of the other books I've read this summer it's amazingly inspiring. Already I think I've found reason for my less-than-awesome grade from Jefferson in Italy, as well as reason to keep going strong with my interests in archaeology and historic preservation. So I've decided to take this post to include some of quotes I've taken down in my sketchbook... hopefully I won't be inspired to write them all here, I have twelve pages written down from this book. (also, still haven't heard back from the graphic design job I just rewrote my resume for - and noone has confidence in me that I'll get it - yay for friends).
'And when a building has this fire, then it becomes a part of nature. Like ocean waves, or blades of grass, its parts are governed by the endless play of repetition and variety created in the presence of the fact that all things pass. This is the quality itself.'
'This seeming chaos - is rich, rolling, swelling, singing, crying, sleeping, order... it will be the forests and meadows of the human heart.'
'A building must be made, at least in part, of those materials which age and crumble. Soft tile and brick, soft plaster, fading coats of paint, canvas which has been bleached a little and torn by the wind... fruit dropping on the paths, and being crushed by people walking over it... none of this can happen in a world that lasts forever.'
'But we must give up altogether the idea that it is something we can capture, consciously, by working over drawings at the drawing board.'
'The same process which the simple farmer used to make his house, the same process exactly was the process which allowed people to generate these great buildings - the alhambra, gothic cathedrals, japanese houses.'
'But in our time languages have broken down. Since they are no longer shared, the processes which keep them deep have broken down: and it is therefore virtually impossible for anybody in our time, to make a building live.'
'They are willing to pay great prices for old buildings which were made at a time when people still knew how to make them.'
These are a sample of some of the notes I've taken from this book and while cryptic on the exterior, if you were to delve into this thing a whole illumination of understanding would hit you - or at least that's what happened to me. I'll admit some of his repetitive words and even a good chunk of 20 or so pages so far bored me, the parts that have captured me have done so stronger than many books on architecture that I've read before. (I really wish I hadn't already surpassed my book-spending limit by a long shot, otherwise I'd probably add this one to the shelves, too) I think I enjoy books like these - broad and generally inconclusive, misleading and sometimes poorly written because it's the richness of the writing that draws me in. Not to say I don't believe this guy entirely - and yes I'll use a double negative all the beautiful languages in the world do so - but anyways, there are things I'll let him have and there are points of his I definitely disagree with and I think he's a lunatic for saying, but isn't that something like love? You'll fall hard for certain crevasses and leap over others without turning back. I mean it's the tension, the tug-and-pull, the give-and-take of things that really binds us to them, and so it's been for me and this book. It's all the better that I don't enjoy every moment of it, it just prepares me for a better understanding of the parts that reach out to me.
Well, I'm not sure I'm trying to convince anyone to really read this thing. Convincing and winning people over on my side isn't really something I'm great at - I'd much rather people decide for themselves what to think - but I will say that I thoroughly enjoy this book so far and plan to read it all the way through. Hopefully I'll feel inclined to keep up this blog with the progress and future inspirations that come to me from the reading.
In other news, Martha's Vineyard is fast approaching and I can't say I'm as stoked as I was a couple months ago. In fact I'm kind of on edge about the whole thing and I just hope that some great time traveling of the feelings will miracuously happen - even though the likelihood of this occurring is probably comparable to the likelihood that I'll actually get a job ... pretty much zero percent. Ah, and can't forget my trip into Studio today. The walk down Sage was actually nice, all those cracks I used to hate looking at in the sidewalk as I'd run to class in the rain were taken in with each breath. The few cars on the street weren't as depressing as they are at 3 in the morning, and even the turn up to the Greene Building didn't bring me to have a mini heart attack. Somehow this whole thing was manageable. Even being in Studio - the dreaded Oatman studio - didn't make me want to cry and melt away. I was calm and ready to work, I liked having conversation and seeing the new mezz area. Sure, some thoughts about the reality that will soon set in made me a little uneasy, but because that day isn't here yet, I don't feel the anxiety piling on. I remember over winter break, the night before the first day of classes, I was on this blog writing one of my first posts - not a care in the world. I didn't want to start school, but I had noooo idea what form of hell was ahead of me. I liked my little three person apartment, the older archi I lived with and looked up to, and the older guy roommate who I felt I could trust as a guardian of the place. But once again - little did I know I'd hardly have a moment in that apartment all semester long. I would have a few chance encounters with the big living room window and the comfy couch situated there. I would cry myself to sleep a majority of the nights in my new, soft bedding and hate myself for my designs and lack of intelligence. All I can hope for is that this does not happen again.
I guess that's probably why I dive into these architecture books and fall so hard. I'm looking for some answers - something that will prevent the onset of anxiety and depression that comes every semester. These feelings that I can't even see ahead of me the night before the first day of school...
- c
'And when a building has this fire, then it becomes a part of nature. Like ocean waves, or blades of grass, its parts are governed by the endless play of repetition and variety created in the presence of the fact that all things pass. This is the quality itself.'
'This seeming chaos - is rich, rolling, swelling, singing, crying, sleeping, order... it will be the forests and meadows of the human heart.'
'A building must be made, at least in part, of those materials which age and crumble. Soft tile and brick, soft plaster, fading coats of paint, canvas which has been bleached a little and torn by the wind... fruit dropping on the paths, and being crushed by people walking over it... none of this can happen in a world that lasts forever.'
'But we must give up altogether the idea that it is something we can capture, consciously, by working over drawings at the drawing board.'
'The same process which the simple farmer used to make his house, the same process exactly was the process which allowed people to generate these great buildings - the alhambra, gothic cathedrals, japanese houses.'
'But in our time languages have broken down. Since they are no longer shared, the processes which keep them deep have broken down: and it is therefore virtually impossible for anybody in our time, to make a building live.'
'They are willing to pay great prices for old buildings which were made at a time when people still knew how to make them.'
These are a sample of some of the notes I've taken from this book and while cryptic on the exterior, if you were to delve into this thing a whole illumination of understanding would hit you - or at least that's what happened to me. I'll admit some of his repetitive words and even a good chunk of 20 or so pages so far bored me, the parts that have captured me have done so stronger than many books on architecture that I've read before. (I really wish I hadn't already surpassed my book-spending limit by a long shot, otherwise I'd probably add this one to the shelves, too) I think I enjoy books like these - broad and generally inconclusive, misleading and sometimes poorly written because it's the richness of the writing that draws me in. Not to say I don't believe this guy entirely - and yes I'll use a double negative all the beautiful languages in the world do so - but anyways, there are things I'll let him have and there are points of his I definitely disagree with and I think he's a lunatic for saying, but isn't that something like love? You'll fall hard for certain crevasses and leap over others without turning back. I mean it's the tension, the tug-and-pull, the give-and-take of things that really binds us to them, and so it's been for me and this book. It's all the better that I don't enjoy every moment of it, it just prepares me for a better understanding of the parts that reach out to me.
Well, I'm not sure I'm trying to convince anyone to really read this thing. Convincing and winning people over on my side isn't really something I'm great at - I'd much rather people decide for themselves what to think - but I will say that I thoroughly enjoy this book so far and plan to read it all the way through. Hopefully I'll feel inclined to keep up this blog with the progress and future inspirations that come to me from the reading.
In other news, Martha's Vineyard is fast approaching and I can't say I'm as stoked as I was a couple months ago. In fact I'm kind of on edge about the whole thing and I just hope that some great time traveling of the feelings will miracuously happen - even though the likelihood of this occurring is probably comparable to the likelihood that I'll actually get a job ... pretty much zero percent. Ah, and can't forget my trip into Studio today. The walk down Sage was actually nice, all those cracks I used to hate looking at in the sidewalk as I'd run to class in the rain were taken in with each breath. The few cars on the street weren't as depressing as they are at 3 in the morning, and even the turn up to the Greene Building didn't bring me to have a mini heart attack. Somehow this whole thing was manageable. Even being in Studio - the dreaded Oatman studio - didn't make me want to cry and melt away. I was calm and ready to work, I liked having conversation and seeing the new mezz area. Sure, some thoughts about the reality that will soon set in made me a little uneasy, but because that day isn't here yet, I don't feel the anxiety piling on. I remember over winter break, the night before the first day of classes, I was on this blog writing one of my first posts - not a care in the world. I didn't want to start school, but I had noooo idea what form of hell was ahead of me. I liked my little three person apartment, the older archi I lived with and looked up to, and the older guy roommate who I felt I could trust as a guardian of the place. But once again - little did I know I'd hardly have a moment in that apartment all semester long. I would have a few chance encounters with the big living room window and the comfy couch situated there. I would cry myself to sleep a majority of the nights in my new, soft bedding and hate myself for my designs and lack of intelligence. All I can hope for is that this does not happen again.
I guess that's probably why I dive into these architecture books and fall so hard. I'm looking for some answers - something that will prevent the onset of anxiety and depression that comes every semester. These feelings that I can't even see ahead of me the night before the first day of school...
- c
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
stalemate
Soo... another day another dollar, right? Only today it's once again back to chasing dollars. Got a heads-up on a small internship op for the semester/ breaks and spent the entire afternoon editing my resume for it. The editing was basically to clarify on my graphic design experience, more than archi stuff because the job is looking for a marketing/ 2d designer - and I think that for these things I am highly qualified... just sometimes... all-of-the-time it must not show through in my resume (or face?). Okay, don't be surprised - but I have zero confidence in myself. Also, it was so disappointing to feel my old worries come back so quickly. When the file lost itself and when things weren't lining up my typical high-stress feelings came into my gut. It was like the rush swelled up in milliseconds. And even though this resume-editing isn't really a life-or-death thing, even though it's not even connected to school work... it made me just as anxious as I get in school. When the file was lost - I freaked out, when things weren't lined up or looking awkward - I freaked out, when the writing sucked, when there were too many words... basically every single step along the way I got more and more lightheaded, angry, and frustrated... which is altogether bad. There are always going to be stressful things in my life, things that I really want to do right, or achieve, but I can't get in this state for all of these things. There needs to be some kind of amendment.
I think that behind a lot of these feelings is some inability to trust people that I'm working with. I notice that when someone takes over the screen, or part of a project I have a hard time letting go. I can't allow that person's input and that's a big big problem... one that I never used to have. There's something to be said for teamwork, and that's something I always used to be good at, I don't know what it's been about this architecture thing that's erased so much of old me. When these feelings arise I just want to get the control back and then when I have that control, I just want it to all be over. These are horrible, horrible working habits and something that neeeds to change before I go into DD. Peoples' input is good, it should be seen as good and I should accept it, but for some reason I have no trust in my classmates. I'm not the best archi - and I know this - and yet somehow I won't let other peoples' opinions into my work.... wow I have problems.
Talking about problems, I didn't think I'd write about this on a blog, but some aspects of my life have really taken a turn for the worst. This past weekend was excruciating and heartbreaking. Eric and I 'broke up' and I spent two hours driving home, drowning in tears. I spent that morning - when he asked me to 'stick around' for some time - either not speaking because I was in shock, or asking if he had anything more to say... but there was nothing. I thought that giving him those avenues would have produced some sort of response, but he held his ground, and opinions. I convinced myself all weekend long that he didn't want to be with me anymore and had a difficult time envisioning my 'future' without him. It was probably some of the most sharp pain I've felt in the past ten years. Much to my surprise, I got a call on Sunday that changed the situation drastically and suddenly I didn't know what to think. He wanted to fix things. After to talking with everyone over the weekend they were telling me to prepare for the worst, so I was ready with my shield for when that call came. What I wasn't ready for, was what I got - an apology and someone who wanted to fix things for the better. It was all and more than what I had hoped for all weekend long. I really thought that this was the turning of a new page, a fresh, new chapter... but now I'm not so sure of that. Since that call on Sunday we've had a good conversation and then a bad one, definitely no new steps forward in fact I'm more scared of this in-between spot that we seem to be stuck in. It's like we can't be apart, but when we're together it's just nothing good. All of the girls say that when something like that's happened to them, the boys will shower them with good things. They will try really hard to mend what's happen, to prove they are changed and really a good guy. Well I had to excruciatingly push that information onto Eric myself. I basically had to explain the things that would really win me over... which was disappointing that I would have to explain that and not just see it happen, because it should. I'm just not sure what he's really after and it's killing me. If he honestly wanted this to work out wouldn't we be arguing less now, trying to make things better, trying to have fun? After having two of my plans shot down for this weekend - going to the cia and horseback riding - and then being told about some party ... late, as usual... I just don't know what to think. I guess he'll go out and have fun on Friday and then we'll just sit around my house on Saturday since my suggestions weren't good enough. I'm not sure I'm ready for a week on an island with him right now.
- c
I think that behind a lot of these feelings is some inability to trust people that I'm working with. I notice that when someone takes over the screen, or part of a project I have a hard time letting go. I can't allow that person's input and that's a big big problem... one that I never used to have. There's something to be said for teamwork, and that's something I always used to be good at, I don't know what it's been about this architecture thing that's erased so much of old me. When these feelings arise I just want to get the control back and then when I have that control, I just want it to all be over. These are horrible, horrible working habits and something that neeeds to change before I go into DD. Peoples' input is good, it should be seen as good and I should accept it, but for some reason I have no trust in my classmates. I'm not the best archi - and I know this - and yet somehow I won't let other peoples' opinions into my work.... wow I have problems.
Talking about problems, I didn't think I'd write about this on a blog, but some aspects of my life have really taken a turn for the worst. This past weekend was excruciating and heartbreaking. Eric and I 'broke up' and I spent two hours driving home, drowning in tears. I spent that morning - when he asked me to 'stick around' for some time - either not speaking because I was in shock, or asking if he had anything more to say... but there was nothing. I thought that giving him those avenues would have produced some sort of response, but he held his ground, and opinions. I convinced myself all weekend long that he didn't want to be with me anymore and had a difficult time envisioning my 'future' without him. It was probably some of the most sharp pain I've felt in the past ten years. Much to my surprise, I got a call on Sunday that changed the situation drastically and suddenly I didn't know what to think. He wanted to fix things. After to talking with everyone over the weekend they were telling me to prepare for the worst, so I was ready with my shield for when that call came. What I wasn't ready for, was what I got - an apology and someone who wanted to fix things for the better. It was all and more than what I had hoped for all weekend long. I really thought that this was the turning of a new page, a fresh, new chapter... but now I'm not so sure of that. Since that call on Sunday we've had a good conversation and then a bad one, definitely no new steps forward in fact I'm more scared of this in-between spot that we seem to be stuck in. It's like we can't be apart, but when we're together it's just nothing good. All of the girls say that when something like that's happened to them, the boys will shower them with good things. They will try really hard to mend what's happen, to prove they are changed and really a good guy. Well I had to excruciatingly push that information onto Eric myself. I basically had to explain the things that would really win me over... which was disappointing that I would have to explain that and not just see it happen, because it should. I'm just not sure what he's really after and it's killing me. If he honestly wanted this to work out wouldn't we be arguing less now, trying to make things better, trying to have fun? After having two of my plans shot down for this weekend - going to the cia and horseback riding - and then being told about some party ... late, as usual... I just don't know what to think. I guess he'll go out and have fun on Friday and then we'll just sit around my house on Saturday since my suggestions weren't good enough. I'm not sure I'm ready for a week on an island with him right now.
- c
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
rambles
Ahh, the week... and there's nothing to do again. I should really be getting up, probably working out, or making some sort of a project, and yet all I do everyday is read, write, and draw. It seems like something has changed in my mom's attitude towards me lately, and it's a good change. Yesterday I told her how sad I was that I will be going into next semester/ year with an extremely low account balance, and usually I would expect from her some form of blame - that I didn't try hard enough or it's all my fault - but instead she said "everything happens for a reason" (I really hope that's true). She also walked into the room where I spend all my time last night and before going to sleep asked me if I had been drawing - I had a watercolor drying off to the side - that's probably one of the first times she's shown interest in my work and it made me feel really happy.... maybe this is a result of me doing the dishes everyday now, out of boredom?
Thankfully tonight I can look forward to a 'picnic' with some bld friends. Anything new being introduced to my mundane life is more than welcome - so long as it doesn't include a whole lot of money. And ahh, trying to prepare myself for this semester. I'm am scared to death... to say the least. I kind of want to just slip by, get away with doing a few things I enjoy and sleep most of the time... but I honestly know that's not going to happen. I know that James and I have a lot of respect for each other right now and I don't see either of us really wanting to argue for stupid reasons, I just hope my conversation can be as clear and articulate so we can avoid those problems that most people have with me. I also want to work on my input. I know that sometimes I get this 'vision' in my head, but I need to understand that sometimes it's not the best idea and I need to let his ideas take the forefront. I guess it's just me needing to learn to trust other people. Sure it's a project - and an important one at that - but we'll be getting input from the professors all along the way, and if I let him have the reins on the thing at one point, maybe that will just mean I can have a little more control at the next point. Above all I want to avoid the feelings of worthlessness that I've had for the past three semesters. I can deal with exhaustion, wear-and-tear, those sorts of things I do because I have some sort of 'pull' for this excruciating career choice, but feelings of depression and worthlessness that I know arise from other aspects of my life.
Maybe a good example to lift my spirits could be to look at Borromini. He wasn't a child prodigy like Bernini, but after many years, after a lifetime of experiences of his own he came to be a great, and in my mind even more of a genius and inspiration than Bernini. It's not like I have to be the best student in the school now to equate to a great professional life, maybe I'll learn and build as I go. I already know that some of the situations in school are not the best for me. Having a boyfriend is difficult, feeling detached from a number of my classmates also brings about some anxiety, and battling with a bad vision of myself certainly doesn't help my case in an environment where people are out to eat you alive (talk about zombies and vampires... just go to architecture school). Also knowing that I have a different set of interests and joys from my classmates is setting me more at ease. I don't want to be like them - and I'm not. Maybe my interest in places like Ostia, Piensa, the pyramids, all of these ancient, romanesque these places shrouded in mystery for some reason make my heart beat a little bit faster. Maybe being caught-up in the modern motions of architecture isn't my cup of tea, it worries me so much the immense competition - I know it's a 'flaw' in my person - but competition in sports is okay, competition in school puts me on edge, we're all trying to go to the same place, yes, but why not help each other out than make each other feel like crap?
Okay, this is turning into useless banter, I don't know what the future will hold - looking back at my good old two-year mini sketchbook, I read how only at the beginning of this semester I had wanted to get a job in graphic design....? Sure I had one good project that was complimented on for my use of color and layout, but since then I think my graphic sensibilities have been on the decline. I think this was yet another way 'out' of the realm of architecture, little did I know graphic designers are as stingy to hire someone out of their field as archies are. I guess it's the whole 'fraternity'/ cult feel that these types of creative careers carry along with them. I really hope that my interests in historic architecture, preservation/conservation and archaeology will last. (maybe another trip to Naples or Italy in general will spark this flame again.... or maybe I just want another trip back).
- c
Thankfully tonight I can look forward to a 'picnic' with some bld friends. Anything new being introduced to my mundane life is more than welcome - so long as it doesn't include a whole lot of money. And ahh, trying to prepare myself for this semester. I'm am scared to death... to say the least. I kind of want to just slip by, get away with doing a few things I enjoy and sleep most of the time... but I honestly know that's not going to happen. I know that James and I have a lot of respect for each other right now and I don't see either of us really wanting to argue for stupid reasons, I just hope my conversation can be as clear and articulate so we can avoid those problems that most people have with me. I also want to work on my input. I know that sometimes I get this 'vision' in my head, but I need to understand that sometimes it's not the best idea and I need to let his ideas take the forefront. I guess it's just me needing to learn to trust other people. Sure it's a project - and an important one at that - but we'll be getting input from the professors all along the way, and if I let him have the reins on the thing at one point, maybe that will just mean I can have a little more control at the next point. Above all I want to avoid the feelings of worthlessness that I've had for the past three semesters. I can deal with exhaustion, wear-and-tear, those sorts of things I do because I have some sort of 'pull' for this excruciating career choice, but feelings of depression and worthlessness that I know arise from other aspects of my life.
Maybe a good example to lift my spirits could be to look at Borromini. He wasn't a child prodigy like Bernini, but after many years, after a lifetime of experiences of his own he came to be a great, and in my mind even more of a genius and inspiration than Bernini. It's not like I have to be the best student in the school now to equate to a great professional life, maybe I'll learn and build as I go. I already know that some of the situations in school are not the best for me. Having a boyfriend is difficult, feeling detached from a number of my classmates also brings about some anxiety, and battling with a bad vision of myself certainly doesn't help my case in an environment where people are out to eat you alive (talk about zombies and vampires... just go to architecture school). Also knowing that I have a different set of interests and joys from my classmates is setting me more at ease. I don't want to be like them - and I'm not. Maybe my interest in places like Ostia, Piensa, the pyramids, all of these ancient, romanesque these places shrouded in mystery for some reason make my heart beat a little bit faster. Maybe being caught-up in the modern motions of architecture isn't my cup of tea, it worries me so much the immense competition - I know it's a 'flaw' in my person - but competition in sports is okay, competition in school puts me on edge, we're all trying to go to the same place, yes, but why not help each other out than make each other feel like crap?
Okay, this is turning into useless banter, I don't know what the future will hold - looking back at my good old two-year mini sketchbook, I read how only at the beginning of this semester I had wanted to get a job in graphic design....? Sure I had one good project that was complimented on for my use of color and layout, but since then I think my graphic sensibilities have been on the decline. I think this was yet another way 'out' of the realm of architecture, little did I know graphic designers are as stingy to hire someone out of their field as archies are. I guess it's the whole 'fraternity'/ cult feel that these types of creative careers carry along with them. I really hope that my interests in historic architecture, preservation/conservation and archaeology will last. (maybe another trip to Naples or Italy in general will spark this flame again.... or maybe I just want another trip back).
- c
Monday, August 9, 2010
my thoughts ahead of me
"New plans"... something I am always thinking about. Recently, and I think I've written this already, I've been thinking about going for my master's somewhere in England. And why England? Well, what other opportunity might I have to live abroad & do so comfortably? Italy was a little bit sad, I got homesick, but I also enjoyed it and look back and now I want more. When I say 'comfortably' I mean that [hopefully] my master's studies would only take 1-2 years. That way I could get my fill of being abroad, but not be so homesick as to become really heartbroken. Also, I could focus on my studies being over there, there wouldn't be the distractions of Boston or NY, but I guess that would be replaced by making new friends, exploring new places, and getting comfortable in a new country - of course it can't be that bad getting comfortable to seeing Top Gear at my whim...
Another thing I was thinking about in relation to this topic - if I do go on to study something like archaeology, maybe the lifestyle would be something I actually enjoy? Looking at me now - in college - I can never be happy staying just at my apartment and studio, I need to have a friend's place to go to and Eric's... four different places to balance before I'm happy. It's like being eternally nomadic. Even being home over the summer: I have my house, Eric's place, Mary Ann's house, and coffee shops & bookstores. I feel even more free with this number of places. I have to say I always thought a job including excessive travel would be heartbreaking, but now - when I look at the facts - I could just be the kind of person who needs this movement in my life.
Hopefully all of these new inspirations will turn into positive steps forward in my life, no more of this unsure of myself business. Although, on that note, I am very nervous to hear back from Demetrios and Reese. I just sent them an email interested in TA'ing for one of their classes, but I'm just not sure that I'm what/ who they are looking for. Okay, well that's all for now. For some reason typing this on my sister's computer just feels so strange and not natural, the thoughts just aren't coming to me like they usually do.
- c
Another thing I was thinking about in relation to this topic - if I do go on to study something like archaeology, maybe the lifestyle would be something I actually enjoy? Looking at me now - in college - I can never be happy staying just at my apartment and studio, I need to have a friend's place to go to and Eric's... four different places to balance before I'm happy. It's like being eternally nomadic. Even being home over the summer: I have my house, Eric's place, Mary Ann's house, and coffee shops & bookstores. I feel even more free with this number of places. I have to say I always thought a job including excessive travel would be heartbreaking, but now - when I look at the facts - I could just be the kind of person who needs this movement in my life.
Hopefully all of these new inspirations will turn into positive steps forward in my life, no more of this unsure of myself business. Although, on that note, I am very nervous to hear back from Demetrios and Reese. I just sent them an email interested in TA'ing for one of their classes, but I'm just not sure that I'm what/ who they are looking for. Okay, well that's all for now. For some reason typing this on my sister's computer just feels so strange and not natural, the thoughts just aren't coming to me like they usually do.
- c
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
summer notes again
10 More Things to Do this Summer
1 - need to stop myself from sitting on the couch all week long; reason: feels like a loser that I spent all this weekend sitting in the same spot as well = just not cool or fun, especially when part of my thigh now hurts from sitting there too much
2 - need to do as many fun things before the summer is reallly over.. for reals. otherwise I will cry and regret it and tell myself 'youth is wasted on the young'. (I will probably cry for the end of summer anyways, probably an equal amount if it was super fun and I didn't want it to end)
3 - try hard to practice something having to do with real architecture before I get thrown back into it again, especially after all of the craziness of last semester... I need to understand that this is something that I can do and gain any small bit of self esteem/ confidence that I can, cuz if I don't have anything going for me, it's just not fair to James to have to work with me in DD
4 - find a job for the semester - even though I cringe at the thought, it's something that's needed, and even if it means interviewing at 20 or 30 more strange places and making more 'imaginary sandwiches' then it's just something that's got to be done... I dont want to be down into the hundreds of dollars after DD
5 - come up with a list of fun things to do during the semester - is there a yoga class I can join? should I go back to the eq team? I need to have some sort of physical activity going on...
6 - figure out a way to get myself to not worry so much during the semester, especially when it gets really stressful in studio, I just need to not care as much - as awesome as it is being an A-student it doesn't feel good to not sleep and hate myself and school by the end of every semester... sometimes I just need to go and sleep things off and not feel guilty about doing that
7 - go to Martha's Vineyard and NOT get eaten by sharks
8 - help Mary Ann have an amazing 21st bee dayyy on Friday-Sat
9 - start saving up for things once I get done with school; aka. getting and paying for my own apartment, being prepared to pay back loans, oorrr thinking about grad school (but also trying to pay for my own place), saving up for a trip back to Italy
10 - sleep, sleep, sleep
- c
1 - need to stop myself from sitting on the couch all week long; reason: feels like a loser that I spent all this weekend sitting in the same spot as well = just not cool or fun, especially when part of my thigh now hurts from sitting there too much
2 - need to do as many fun things before the summer is reallly over.. for reals. otherwise I will cry and regret it and tell myself 'youth is wasted on the young'. (I will probably cry for the end of summer anyways, probably an equal amount if it was super fun and I didn't want it to end)
3 - try hard to practice something having to do with real architecture before I get thrown back into it again, especially after all of the craziness of last semester... I need to understand that this is something that I can do and gain any small bit of self esteem/ confidence that I can, cuz if I don't have anything going for me, it's just not fair to James to have to work with me in DD
4 - find a job for the semester - even though I cringe at the thought, it's something that's needed, and even if it means interviewing at 20 or 30 more strange places and making more 'imaginary sandwiches' then it's just something that's got to be done... I dont want to be down into the hundreds of dollars after DD
5 - come up with a list of fun things to do during the semester - is there a yoga class I can join? should I go back to the eq team? I need to have some sort of physical activity going on...
6 - figure out a way to get myself to not worry so much during the semester, especially when it gets really stressful in studio, I just need to not care as much - as awesome as it is being an A-student it doesn't feel good to not sleep and hate myself and school by the end of every semester... sometimes I just need to go and sleep things off and not feel guilty about doing that
7 - go to Martha's Vineyard and NOT get eaten by sharks
8 - help Mary Ann have an amazing 21st bee dayyy on Friday-Sat
9 - start saving up for things once I get done with school; aka. getting and paying for my own apartment, being prepared to pay back loans, oorrr thinking about grad school (but also trying to pay for my own place), saving up for a trip back to Italy
10 - sleep, sleep, sleep
- c
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
coffee chats
It's sad how summer's winding down, just thinking about the fact that I'm not getting a job. So much for applying to thirty places... I'm starting to worry about the fact that my parents only know retired architects, and I'm not exactly a teachers' favorite (or pet) - especially considering I want to go onto grad school right after RPI... I'm going to need some stellar references for Oxford, Cambridge, or U. of Bristol.
Ah - another topic that's worth delving into. Today over a coffee with Rich I'm starting to get comfortable with seeing myself a future in architectural historicism. It's always a good idea, when I can have a thought for a year or more, usually that means it's something solid that I could occupy myself with for a long time - and I know I have a rare love of the old and ancient after Rome. Just ask anyone on the trip what my favorite part was... okay, besides the cappuchinos everyday haha... I'm pretty sure they'll say I ran around like a wide-eyed, wild woman at Ostia Antica. Not to mention I took my family there as one of their day trips and spent another whole day walking around trying to see as much as I could, and just basking in its amazingness.
Now at first, I thought it was just me remembering Ostia from Frau, and hearing about her love and admiration for the place in both Latin i and ii, but looking back I don't think 'inception' was what really sparked my love for this place. I mean I also loved walking all the old underground passageways, the churches, everything... and studio was something I could have more or less, done without. Ah, and Blanchard's class.. even though he pissed me off to begin with - yelling at me and Jenni when Jenni was explaining to me something he muttered under his breath while a huge bus of tourists caruoused on by... andd although he gave me a hard time in the beginning of class in general (of course I knew the dates of all the places we saw in class, he just didn't believe me..) - but anyways, now I look back (and forward) and kind of wish I could apprentice under him and learn all the secret things the Pope probably told him during the tours he gives to his entourage.... (yea!).
One disappointing aspect in my recent finds, has been that 1- Oxford only offers English architecture history and while that's all nice and special... it's not really my cup of tea - to be studying strictly English history, also 2- I'm not exactly sure what in the field I'd be most attracted to and sure there's time to explore and find that out, but if I'm going to be interested in the hands-on conservationist type stuff, most internships I've found for this ask that you have a materials engineering or materials science degree (... mmm... no). I mean in reality that kind of thing... might interest me? It is kind of tied to what we have learned in the Dmitrious-Reese sequence, but strictly focusing on material properties... sorry, but I'll save that for the surveyors and geologists... then again, I guess Earth Science was the easiest and one of my most favorite Regents/ hs classes I took - despite falling asleep almost everyday...
Ahh, okay, so yet another thing I was thinking of - yes, so bear with me or not I've had alot of time to try and do some constructive thinking in my completely jobless lifestyle - soo I also looked into archaeology. And subsequently into the anthropology minor at RPI. Unfortunately though, the rpi minor focuses alot on politics... ick. I can handle society, patterns, evolution, symbols, maybe even gender & self would be be okay, but politics just makes me want to puke. And I guess if politics is such a big part of anthropology, as I'm sure it is, maybe it's just not for me. I just always thought that anthropology was a good gateway into archaeology, along with biology, history... and similar areas, soo where can architecture student fit in?
Needless to say, the coffee chat definitely set me more at ease today. I realise I'm not after all the same things as my collegues - all the fame, glitz, and competition to become the next-big-thing in the world of arch, or even to slave under some reckless dictator architect. I mean how many times do we hear in school how nothing new is to be solved in architecture? Everything's been done, there are very few issues right now that need to be addressed... sure you could say I'm overlooking global problems, or the growing population... but really how many people who would criticise me for that will go onto to solve those things themselves? It's pretty much a mission impossible unless you're some crazy, good-hearted, super rich politician who could buy out everything to solve those sorts of things, otherwise it's not very realistic... and if I'm still getting looked down upon, I have always planned since high school to spend at least the two years in in the Peace Corps, so don't go saying I don't have a heart for the worlds problems (not to mention you can look at my thousands of hours clocked for Key Club in hs... sorry, I just feel like I can vent this here, because honestly... how many people really read this thing anyway? haha). So anyway, I think I'll toy away learning and restoring all of the old masterpieces, from when architects were the makers of dreams and the souls of design, learn from all the old pro's, versus the modern-day graphic designers and decorated-shed makers, and then I'll always have my 4-year bachlors in hand, which means I can jump into a fancy firm when I want to and with a unique background. ... yea!
- c
Ah - another topic that's worth delving into. Today over a coffee with Rich I'm starting to get comfortable with seeing myself a future in architectural historicism. It's always a good idea, when I can have a thought for a year or more, usually that means it's something solid that I could occupy myself with for a long time - and I know I have a rare love of the old and ancient after Rome. Just ask anyone on the trip what my favorite part was... okay, besides the cappuchinos everyday haha... I'm pretty sure they'll say I ran around like a wide-eyed, wild woman at Ostia Antica. Not to mention I took my family there as one of their day trips and spent another whole day walking around trying to see as much as I could, and just basking in its amazingness.
Now at first, I thought it was just me remembering Ostia from Frau, and hearing about her love and admiration for the place in both Latin i and ii, but looking back I don't think 'inception' was what really sparked my love for this place. I mean I also loved walking all the old underground passageways, the churches, everything... and studio was something I could have more or less, done without. Ah, and Blanchard's class.. even though he pissed me off to begin with - yelling at me and Jenni when Jenni was explaining to me something he muttered under his breath while a huge bus of tourists caruoused on by... andd although he gave me a hard time in the beginning of class in general (of course I knew the dates of all the places we saw in class, he just didn't believe me..) - but anyways, now I look back (and forward) and kind of wish I could apprentice under him and learn all the secret things the Pope probably told him during the tours he gives to his entourage.... (yea!).
One disappointing aspect in my recent finds, has been that 1- Oxford only offers English architecture history and while that's all nice and special... it's not really my cup of tea - to be studying strictly English history, also 2- I'm not exactly sure what in the field I'd be most attracted to and sure there's time to explore and find that out, but if I'm going to be interested in the hands-on conservationist type stuff, most internships I've found for this ask that you have a materials engineering or materials science degree (... mmm... no). I mean in reality that kind of thing... might interest me? It is kind of tied to what we have learned in the Dmitrious-Reese sequence, but strictly focusing on material properties... sorry, but I'll save that for the surveyors and geologists... then again, I guess Earth Science was the easiest and one of my most favorite Regents/ hs classes I took - despite falling asleep almost everyday...
Ahh, okay, so yet another thing I was thinking of - yes, so bear with me or not I've had alot of time to try and do some constructive thinking in my completely jobless lifestyle - soo I also looked into archaeology. And subsequently into the anthropology minor at RPI. Unfortunately though, the rpi minor focuses alot on politics... ick. I can handle society, patterns, evolution, symbols, maybe even gender & self would be be okay, but politics just makes me want to puke. And I guess if politics is such a big part of anthropology, as I'm sure it is, maybe it's just not for me. I just always thought that anthropology was a good gateway into archaeology, along with biology, history... and similar areas, soo where can architecture student fit in?
Needless to say, the coffee chat definitely set me more at ease today. I realise I'm not after all the same things as my collegues - all the fame, glitz, and competition to become the next-big-thing in the world of arch, or even to slave under some reckless dictator architect. I mean how many times do we hear in school how nothing new is to be solved in architecture? Everything's been done, there are very few issues right now that need to be addressed... sure you could say I'm overlooking global problems, or the growing population... but really how many people who would criticise me for that will go onto to solve those things themselves? It's pretty much a mission impossible unless you're some crazy, good-hearted, super rich politician who could buy out everything to solve those sorts of things, otherwise it's not very realistic... and if I'm still getting looked down upon, I have always planned since high school to spend at least the two years in in the Peace Corps, so don't go saying I don't have a heart for the worlds problems (not to mention you can look at my thousands of hours clocked for Key Club in hs... sorry, I just feel like I can vent this here, because honestly... how many people really read this thing anyway? haha). So anyway, I think I'll toy away learning and restoring all of the old masterpieces, from when architects were the makers of dreams and the souls of design, learn from all the old pro's, versus the modern-day graphic designers and decorated-shed makers, and then I'll always have my 4-year bachlors in hand, which means I can jump into a fancy firm when I want to and with a unique background. ... yea!
- c
Monday, August 2, 2010
goodbye old sketchbook
So, realizing today that I have a big problem with 'letting go'. Aye - and doesn't that make me feel like an old woman? I've come to this realization after being sad that I finished my sketchbook and have to start on a new one. I feel in love with the old sketchbook after overlooking it a first time, and then coming to appreciate it's difference from any other's that I've had. It's got grainy, brown paper and a tough metal ring, it boasts about being 'green' and made out of the poop of the earth, but I could really care less about that - I pick my sketchbooks for paper quality above all else and this one was different and enticing. I got this book right after school had ended - when I was in a huge rut, a big depression and consumed by an insurmountable overwhelming emotion. I didn't want to have anythingg to do with architecture - I hated it, completely despised it, had no belief whatsoever - as I do at the beginning of every break, especially summers. Also at this time, my brain was completely fried. The Oatman semester left a slight tinge from hell in me. I was so fed up with archies, classes, the school - what a load of bullshit they were to me and sometimes I think, still are. I had my coveted Enclosures sketchbook taken from me and still have no signs of seeing its return from Dmitrios - even though I'm sure that in three years the next Picasso will show up, he'll fall in love and my sketchbook will be used for rolling joints or making a fire in his and Reese's love bungalo in the city.
So the beginnings of this sketchbook were made of mental retardation, boredom, and depression. Whereas my other sketchbooks begin with crazy stories that I needed to get out all semester long, but never had the chance to, this sketchbook started with repetitive drawings of squares and shaded-in circles.... there are aloot of squares. Then I got a stamp from Marissa that she got engraved with my name for me in China, that's where the 10 pages of little red stamps come in, mixed with a few quotes about people who have happy lives and some depressing song lyrics. And - I almost forgot - the beginning also started with a bunch of lengthy comparisions and contrasts between architecture and philosophy, where me - being me - found fatal flaws in both and hence my 'hault' in decision-making came about. I'd spend days shopping around barnes & nobles after that looking for something to inspire my jobless self to fill the pages of this empty leaflet, but nothing came to me, not even right after reading my second Natalie Goldberg. I felt useless and stupid without a job, how is it that if I were a 'normal' college student I would be off in the real world in a year? And this summer, I wasn't able to get a job? .... that's scary. That was until I was hired by the same place that I will be dishing out my life's savings to in another two years... good ol' rpi. I wasn't exactly stoked about this job - I actually didn't reply for a day about it, weighing my options about taking a two-week camp job when I could 'potentially' find something for the entire summer ... ha. But as the story goes I replied, got the job and never heard a word from another place... of course until the dream job came up and fell through within a matter of 48-hours... but anyway my soul started becoming more alive.
I was writing down calendars, lists, dreams, findings from the internet, recordings of my strange dreams, and small life-frustrations. This sketchbook was finally starting to mean something to me! Definitely over the course of the month of july I found my love in filling up those pages. And lo-and-behold, at the end of july an offer for my dream job came about! Let me tell you - in those few hours after the first day on the job, the walkabout I did down in Hudson, I was sketching away, everything I remembered about the space, looking it up on the town's for sale site to see its recorded square footage and little details - the owner said she didn't even know the sq ftg when she bought it! I have about four pages of sketches of this stuff, and was about to start making another masterpiece wall-section sketchup of the barn - easy peasy this one, too, it's wood-frame that's stuff I did way back sophomore year for Construction Systems... then of course the recent news-breaking decline occurred and I was devastated... how could I continue writing in a sketchbook with a dead dream on the last few pages? That was just NOT going to happen so I kindly turned to the next page and wrote a little elegy, beknownst to me I'd be mourning the end of this sketchbook at the moment I started writing in the new one. I mean it feels like I'm cheating - leaving an old friend filled with memories for this new, blank slate... it's just not right.
Okay, well that was quite a bit long of a dissertation about being sad over a sketchbook, but I'm reallllyyy bored now, not really sure how I'm going to make it another month with nothing to do. Especialy now that I'm 21... I just want to go out and do SOMETHING. ugh, well I guess that's it.... until I feel like writing again in another couple hours...
- c
So the beginnings of this sketchbook were made of mental retardation, boredom, and depression. Whereas my other sketchbooks begin with crazy stories that I needed to get out all semester long, but never had the chance to, this sketchbook started with repetitive drawings of squares and shaded-in circles.... there are aloot of squares. Then I got a stamp from Marissa that she got engraved with my name for me in China, that's where the 10 pages of little red stamps come in, mixed with a few quotes about people who have happy lives and some depressing song lyrics. And - I almost forgot - the beginning also started with a bunch of lengthy comparisions and contrasts between architecture and philosophy, where me - being me - found fatal flaws in both and hence my 'hault' in decision-making came about. I'd spend days shopping around barnes & nobles after that looking for something to inspire my jobless self to fill the pages of this empty leaflet, but nothing came to me, not even right after reading my second Natalie Goldberg. I felt useless and stupid without a job, how is it that if I were a 'normal' college student I would be off in the real world in a year? And this summer, I wasn't able to get a job? .... that's scary. That was until I was hired by the same place that I will be dishing out my life's savings to in another two years... good ol' rpi. I wasn't exactly stoked about this job - I actually didn't reply for a day about it, weighing my options about taking a two-week camp job when I could 'potentially' find something for the entire summer ... ha. But as the story goes I replied, got the job and never heard a word from another place... of course until the dream job came up and fell through within a matter of 48-hours... but anyway my soul started becoming more alive.
I was writing down calendars, lists, dreams, findings from the internet, recordings of my strange dreams, and small life-frustrations. This sketchbook was finally starting to mean something to me! Definitely over the course of the month of july I found my love in filling up those pages. And lo-and-behold, at the end of july an offer for my dream job came about! Let me tell you - in those few hours after the first day on the job, the walkabout I did down in Hudson, I was sketching away, everything I remembered about the space, looking it up on the town's for sale site to see its recorded square footage and little details - the owner said she didn't even know the sq ftg when she bought it! I have about four pages of sketches of this stuff, and was about to start making another masterpiece wall-section sketchup of the barn - easy peasy this one, too, it's wood-frame that's stuff I did way back sophomore year for Construction Systems... then of course the recent news-breaking decline occurred and I was devastated... how could I continue writing in a sketchbook with a dead dream on the last few pages? That was just NOT going to happen so I kindly turned to the next page and wrote a little elegy, beknownst to me I'd be mourning the end of this sketchbook at the moment I started writing in the new one. I mean it feels like I'm cheating - leaving an old friend filled with memories for this new, blank slate... it's just not right.
Okay, well that was quite a bit long of a dissertation about being sad over a sketchbook, but I'm reallllyyy bored now, not really sure how I'm going to make it another month with nothing to do. Especialy now that I'm 21... I just want to go out and do SOMETHING. ugh, well I guess that's it.... until I feel like writing again in another couple hours...
- c
first-page flips
Kay, another passing-the-time because I'm bored and jobless post... and after this I plan on starting my mini-model. (I promise..?) For this magical post, I will flip to a page in five books and then write the most inspiring thing I can find from the spread. I was once told during a Homily that this is the absolute worst way to read the Bible, but little did I know that... it's how I had been 'reading' the Bible for years, and it can actually be surprisingly insightful... kind of like Homilies themselves, or horoscopes off the internet it's all chance, a little vague and can pretty much apply to a myrad of situations.
Anyways, here goes:
1 - "the outer walls are wrapped around the baldachins, and make the interior present in the urban environment" - on St. John on the Rock, Prague from Norberg-Schulz
2 - "Designing is inventing. When I was in the arts and crafts school, we tried to follow this principle... we felt it was important to be avant-garde. Not until later did I realise that there are basically only a very few architectural problems for which a valid solution has not been found... On the search for the architecture that I envisage, I frequently experience stifiling moments of emptiness. Nothing I can think of seems to tally with what I want and cannot yet envisage. At these moments, I try to shake off the academic knowledge of architecture I have aquired, because it has suddenly started to hold me back. This helps. I find I can breathe more freely. I catch a whiff of the old familiar mood of the inventors and pioneers. Design has once again become invention. The creative act in which a work of architecture comes into being goes beyond all historical and technical knowledge." - Peter Zumthor from a section titled 'Common Sense'
3 - "It is no different from saying I am a runner when I first start out and in reality I'm just a klutz in the present moment. And it is no different from saying you are a writer after you've written your first shaky paragraph and don't believe you can go on." - Natalie Goldberg from a chapter called ' Enlightenment'
4 - " Every other month I am ready to quit writing. The inner dialogue goes something like this: 'This is stupid. I am making no money, there's no career in poetry, no one cares about it, it's lonely, I hate it, it's dumb, I want a regular life'. These thoughts are torture. Doubt is torture. If we give ourselves fully to something it will be clearer when it might be appropriate to quit. It is a constant test of preserverence... 'I think I'll go into sales, open up a cafe so other writers can go there, sip cappuchino and write, or get married, have babies, be a homemaker and make wonderful chicken dinners.'" - Natalie Goldberg from a chapter called ' Doubt is Torture'
5 - "Inca architecture - architecture of the Quechuan people who migrated into the Cuzco area about AD 1100 and ruled Peru until the Spanish conquest in the 16th century, characterized especially by strong simple forms of smooth ashlar or polygonal masonry which was cut, finished, and fitted with great precision without the use of iron or chisels." - Francis Ching
There are your words of wisdom for today... or my words of wisdom. Have to say, the fourth one really hit home with the whole losing-of-the-job ordeal/ the questioning my major etc etc... and I guess the same could be said for the third one as well, I mean in my mind Natalie Goldberg just speaks to me sooo... yea. Words of wisdom all the time from her. Her books are like the fairy godmother of the entire printed world. Just sayin'..
- c
Anyways, here goes:
1 - "the outer walls are wrapped around the baldachins, and make the interior present in the urban environment" - on St. John on the Rock, Prague from Norberg-Schulz
2 - "Designing is inventing. When I was in the arts and crafts school, we tried to follow this principle... we felt it was important to be avant-garde. Not until later did I realise that there are basically only a very few architectural problems for which a valid solution has not been found... On the search for the architecture that I envisage, I frequently experience stifiling moments of emptiness. Nothing I can think of seems to tally with what I want and cannot yet envisage. At these moments, I try to shake off the academic knowledge of architecture I have aquired, because it has suddenly started to hold me back. This helps. I find I can breathe more freely. I catch a whiff of the old familiar mood of the inventors and pioneers. Design has once again become invention. The creative act in which a work of architecture comes into being goes beyond all historical and technical knowledge." - Peter Zumthor from a section titled 'Common Sense'
3 - "It is no different from saying I am a runner when I first start out and in reality I'm just a klutz in the present moment. And it is no different from saying you are a writer after you've written your first shaky paragraph and don't believe you can go on." - Natalie Goldberg from a chapter called ' Enlightenment'
4 - " Every other month I am ready to quit writing. The inner dialogue goes something like this: 'This is stupid. I am making no money, there's no career in poetry, no one cares about it, it's lonely, I hate it, it's dumb, I want a regular life'. These thoughts are torture. Doubt is torture. If we give ourselves fully to something it will be clearer when it might be appropriate to quit. It is a constant test of preserverence... 'I think I'll go into sales, open up a cafe so other writers can go there, sip cappuchino and write, or get married, have babies, be a homemaker and make wonderful chicken dinners.'" - Natalie Goldberg from a chapter called ' Doubt is Torture'
5 - "Inca architecture - architecture of the Quechuan people who migrated into the Cuzco area about AD 1100 and ruled Peru until the Spanish conquest in the 16th century, characterized especially by strong simple forms of smooth ashlar or polygonal masonry which was cut, finished, and fitted with great precision without the use of iron or chisels." - Francis Ching
There are your words of wisdom for today... or my words of wisdom. Have to say, the fourth one really hit home with the whole losing-of-the-job ordeal/ the questioning my major etc etc... and I guess the same could be said for the third one as well, I mean in my mind Natalie Goldberg just speaks to me sooo... yea. Words of wisdom all the time from her. Her books are like the fairy godmother of the entire printed world. Just sayin'..
- c
the let-down
“The pleasure of expecting enjoyment is often greater than that of obtaining it, and the completion of almost every wish is found a disappointment” - Samuel Johnson
Being that the above is so transparent, I don't think there's much more to be said. Dream-job-lady bailed on me at 11pm last night with a short email saying she gave the position to 'someone else'. GAVE... what? Wasn't she the one to ask me to come in on Monday... I was so prepared for this... overqualified. It did irk me a little bit that she asked what year I was in school about four times, and of course the whole friend-of-her-brother who was probably the main culprit in this whole situation. Oh well, at least I'm not driving 45min back and forth each day, while Hudson is one of the most beautiful places I've been to, it's kind of not worth hundreds of dollars of gas money. She did add that she'd keep me in mind for future projects... but really? I'm honestly not quite sure that's going to happen.
Ahhh the feeling of defeat. I was really beginning to think that this job could have finally given me the confidence in myself to finish up my studies in architecture with a good attitude and even the smallest ounce of self esteem, but now I've been knocked down a few pegs farther. Maybe I will start taking my sister's super destressing medicine... that way even when my heart gets ripped apart in front of me in DD I'll be in a world of slow-moving bliss, without a care as to what's really going on in my life.
On the bright side of things, I returned that book I got for this job (and must I say, what a nice gesture that was of me...), and got the book I actually wanted for myself. I'm pretty excited for that... although swiping my card for a $50 book does make me feel a bit closer Becks from Confessions of a Shopaholic... again. I've probably paid at least one of those worker's student loans off by now. I feel like the cashier should also be trained as some sort of life coach, like when you go up to buy the item, book, clothing, etc they ask you "Are you sure you shouldn't be saving this money to put down on that first apartment you're going to have to buy in two years... when you're done with college?" Instead of the guy today, "Oh want me to add you to our mailing list, we'll send you a ton of wonderful, life-saving coupons!" uhhh, "Yes!" .... yea no inhibitions there.
Alright, well just thought I'd follow up with a post about my disappointment for the loss of my dream job. I also felt like calling the Pottery Place again today seeing as I interviewed two weeks ago and they never said anything.. and what do you know? They said no. But I'm actually kind of okay with that (and yes this is being said out of a state of moderate anger right now), but they are all kind of a bunch of wierdos there. The one younger lady who interviewed me was nice, but the old woman seemed kind of like a case and all of the girls who worked there that I had to come in contact with weren't the friendliest sort.... mmm yes, they can all melt away near those kilns in their sour-faced misery.
- c
“Disappointment is the nurse of wisdom” - Bayle Roche
Being that the above is so transparent, I don't think there's much more to be said. Dream-job-lady bailed on me at 11pm last night with a short email saying she gave the position to 'someone else'. GAVE... what? Wasn't she the one to ask me to come in on Monday... I was so prepared for this... overqualified. It did irk me a little bit that she asked what year I was in school about four times, and of course the whole friend-of-her-brother who was probably the main culprit in this whole situation. Oh well, at least I'm not driving 45min back and forth each day, while Hudson is one of the most beautiful places I've been to, it's kind of not worth hundreds of dollars of gas money. She did add that she'd keep me in mind for future projects... but really? I'm honestly not quite sure that's going to happen.
Ahhh the feeling of defeat. I was really beginning to think that this job could have finally given me the confidence in myself to finish up my studies in architecture with a good attitude and even the smallest ounce of self esteem, but now I've been knocked down a few pegs farther. Maybe I will start taking my sister's super destressing medicine... that way even when my heart gets ripped apart in front of me in DD I'll be in a world of slow-moving bliss, without a care as to what's really going on in my life.
On the bright side of things, I returned that book I got for this job (and must I say, what a nice gesture that was of me...), and got the book I actually wanted for myself. I'm pretty excited for that... although swiping my card for a $50 book does make me feel a bit closer Becks from Confessions of a Shopaholic... again. I've probably paid at least one of those worker's student loans off by now. I feel like the cashier should also be trained as some sort of life coach, like when you go up to buy the item, book, clothing, etc they ask you "Are you sure you shouldn't be saving this money to put down on that first apartment you're going to have to buy in two years... when you're done with college?" Instead of the guy today, "Oh want me to add you to our mailing list, we'll send you a ton of wonderful, life-saving coupons!" uhhh, "Yes!" .... yea no inhibitions there.
Alright, well just thought I'd follow up with a post about my disappointment for the loss of my dream job. I also felt like calling the Pottery Place again today seeing as I interviewed two weeks ago and they never said anything.. and what do you know? They said no. But I'm actually kind of okay with that (and yes this is being said out of a state of moderate anger right now), but they are all kind of a bunch of wierdos there. The one younger lady who interviewed me was nice, but the old woman seemed kind of like a case and all of the girls who worked there that I had to come in contact with weren't the friendliest sort.... mmm yes, they can all melt away near those kilns in their sour-faced misery.
- c
“Disappointment is the nurse of wisdom” - Bayle Roche
Sunday, August 1, 2010
To pass the time
I guess I'm on a writing spree now - probably running off recent emotions... soo here I am again, writing for the third time today. At least this gives me something to do.
I'm going to begin now by doing space-filler things, this post is definitely just for me to have something to do, but hopefully it's interesting to look back upon. So, last summer in photography class we had to fill out a questionaire for the final. It's an artist's philosophy piece .... okay sorry watching Shark Week in the background and they just said the shark attacks at 25mph... not fun... especially since I found out Jaws was filmed off Martha's Vineyard, sooo much for loving that place...
Okay, so anyway, back to the artist's piece - it's a series of questions that basically whittle you down to the core and ta-dah! it's your philosophy... basically, well it's good enough for me because I really don't care for the whole trivial 'political philosophy'... barf, I'll look at that when I'm seventy and need money from the government.
' Project 04: Questions to Ask and Answer ' Art 224, SUNY Alb, Prof McDaniel
- about what are you passionate?
travel, reading, coffee, horses, drawing, writing, philosophy, old architecture
- what frightens you?
my dreams, the woods, being home alone, the dark, scary movies, not knowing what to do after college
- what confuses you?
architecture professors, how to get through school happy, being proud of myself
- about what are you an expert?
horses, sleeping, hand drawing wall sections (?), reading, daydreaming, getting my hopes up, being forgetful
- about what are you suspicious?
my dreams, architecture/architects, some people, alot of things
- about what are you curious?
travel, Italy, acoustics, neurology, Peter Zumthor, fashion design, writing industry, England
- what do you know?
I miss having a good job, I don't need to be #1 or try for the 'a' focus on being happy, I want to work with a good group of people not uber competitive people, I don't want to be 'the boss' I work much better as the worker bee, I am less stressed and most fulfilled when I can help other people as a mentor
- what do you think?
alot of things, especially that I think and word things different from many people, I think there cannot be a 'balance' and that everything exists in contrast to something else (though, not like a doppleganer existence more of an flow of energy contrast), also I'm restless and I can't stay in one place for an entire day, I always wander
- what brings you joy?
reading, going to Barnes & Noble or Common Grounds, the arch library, someone being proud of me or asking me for help/ guidance, being of use, conversation, being tired at the end of the day
- what stirs you to rage?
politics/ political jabber, LEED, the "green" movement (it's a bought-into status fad), condescending/ judgemental people, stiff and unfriendly intellectuals, not having anything to do, staying in one place for too long, tv
- what story do you want to tell?
I want to share stories with people everyday. I want to have a job where someone relies on me and is thankful to have me, I want to build with my hands and not be in an office all of the time. (take this as you will, life's a story.... )
- will you create it from scratch or does it exist in the world - waiting to be captured?
still waiting to figure that out...
- c
" And then one of the younger members of the group, a talented and usually rationally minded architect, said "It is an interesting building for all sorts of theoretical and practical reasons. The trouble is, it has no soul"'. - P. Zumthor
I'm going to begin now by doing space-filler things, this post is definitely just for me to have something to do, but hopefully it's interesting to look back upon. So, last summer in photography class we had to fill out a questionaire for the final. It's an artist's philosophy piece .... okay sorry watching Shark Week in the background and they just said the shark attacks at 25mph... not fun... especially since I found out Jaws was filmed off Martha's Vineyard, sooo much for loving that place...
Okay, so anyway, back to the artist's piece - it's a series of questions that basically whittle you down to the core and ta-dah! it's your philosophy... basically, well it's good enough for me because I really don't care for the whole trivial 'political philosophy'... barf, I'll look at that when I'm seventy and need money from the government.
' Project 04: Questions to Ask and Answer ' Art 224, SUNY Alb, Prof McDaniel
- about what are you passionate?
travel, reading, coffee, horses, drawing, writing, philosophy, old architecture
- what frightens you?
my dreams, the woods, being home alone, the dark, scary movies, not knowing what to do after college
- what confuses you?
architecture professors, how to get through school happy, being proud of myself
- about what are you an expert?
horses, sleeping, hand drawing wall sections (?), reading, daydreaming, getting my hopes up, being forgetful
- about what are you suspicious?
my dreams, architecture/architects, some people, alot of things
- about what are you curious?
travel, Italy, acoustics, neurology, Peter Zumthor, fashion design, writing industry, England
- what do you know?
I miss having a good job, I don't need to be #1 or try for the 'a' focus on being happy, I want to work with a good group of people not uber competitive people, I don't want to be 'the boss' I work much better as the worker bee, I am less stressed and most fulfilled when I can help other people as a mentor
- what do you think?
alot of things, especially that I think and word things different from many people, I think there cannot be a 'balance' and that everything exists in contrast to something else (though, not like a doppleganer existence more of an flow of energy contrast), also I'm restless and I can't stay in one place for an entire day, I always wander
- what brings you joy?
reading, going to Barnes & Noble or Common Grounds, the arch library, someone being proud of me or asking me for help/ guidance, being of use, conversation, being tired at the end of the day
- what stirs you to rage?
politics/ political jabber, LEED, the "green" movement (it's a bought-into status fad), condescending/ judgemental people, stiff and unfriendly intellectuals, not having anything to do, staying in one place for too long, tv
- what story do you want to tell?
I want to share stories with people everyday. I want to have a job where someone relies on me and is thankful to have me, I want to build with my hands and not be in an office all of the time. (take this as you will, life's a story.... )
- will you create it from scratch or does it exist in the world - waiting to be captured?
still waiting to figure that out...
- c
" And then one of the younger members of the group, a talented and usually rationally minded architect, said "It is an interesting building for all sorts of theoretical and practical reasons. The trouble is, it has no soul"'. - P. Zumthor
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