Five days til Troy (will probably feel like five mintues...)

So I'm still safely on the opposite side of the Hudson for now... in good ole Cohoes. Break went by really fast. Landing in Logan felt like it was literally a few days ago and I still wish I was just bumming around in Boston - that city really intrigues me. I love walking around all parts of that city. I never feel rushed or anxious, but more integrated despite the fact I don't live there.

Speaking of cities - visiting New York for the New Year was just as amazing! I didn't think I would want to spend the semester in NYC at the SOM office - but seeing the financial district and the mystery of Ground Zero - I became hooked. Granted ... it's easy for me to become affixated with things that I don't understand [like doubly-curving surfaces...  aye carumba!] I just stare and think forever and then I can't sleep at night because I wonder and image and try to get myself involved with things that are beyond my imagination. I guess I'm closer to this way of thinking lately -  being at home - and isolated from the world.... just because I don't have a car.... [suckssss - although I prefer places where I can walk or catch public trans-thanks Italy followed by Beantown...] - it really forces me to begin living inside my head.

Back to the city thoughts anyway... [p.s. this blog will be in a "rambling" format... probably not very structured or orderly... more like my scrambled thoughts and architecture designs... than the really interesting professional-type writing or architecture you might prefer to find]. So the thing about cities that I find pulling me in - are instances where places are kind of out of character. For instance - I was in Times Square on the 30th... so the day before new years eve anddd also mid-day on the 31st. It was so interesting to see the place beginning to swell with people. Maybe it's just that anticipation - thinking that maybe everyone will rush in during the next five mintues and we will all be consumed by the festivities. Another time was walking through a park near Coker and Marissa's apartment - one with lights in the pavement [ Marissa's favorite park ]. We were walking through there late at night/early in the morning when no one was around.  It was an experience for me to see how barren and isolated of a place it becomes. Not to mention its amazing to be some of the few people in a big open space in a city with these towering buildings around you - its like being in an abandoned sculpture garden.

Italy taught me to appreciate wandering. Its fun walking around and thinking/not thinking - that doesn't really matter when you're wandering. It's being able to see and experience different places that makes me feel like I have accomplished something by the end of the day. I hate sitting at home, being contained in this place feels contaminating - like I'm making myself sick being here. I dispise it a ton. Maybe it's that I don't like my mom's "style"... more likely that I just don't appreciate the double standard she has - favoring my sister all the time and my sister just feeding into it and taking things out on me - the scapegoat feeling never goes away and it really hurts. I think that's part of the reason I can be so held-back from people - I always assume they don't want me around or that they will chastise me - like what happens to me at home. But enough of the sad confessions. This post is getting disgustingly lengthy, too... in the future I'll challenge myself to write a little less.
- c