Just got back from applying to the Pottery Place & I'm hoping for the best! Hopefully this will begin the job-fullness of my summer... although it will kind of suck because they want me for weekends, which may = .... ahh I can't even say it... I really don't want to sacrifice the 4th of July... last summer it was sooo much fun!!! [okay i won't sacrifice 4th of july... i'll just tell them i'm helping old people walk around the plaza or something... haha okay that's really bad and a total lie, but i won't give up going to the concert in hippie-town CT].
I'm also finding some little bit of comfort hearing some secrets of the good old school of architecture... mainly how there are a bunch of people that somehow don't know how to make plans and sections?!?! [haha and some of these people are probably pretty surprising, but that just makes it all the better] also, kind of comforting to know that not many people really like or use cad... because i definitely prefer my adobe suite to that stuff. I guess it's me being kind of self-righteous, which isn't a good thing, but in a time when I'm really uncertain of what to do next semester, i feel like it's a good time to evaluate where i really fit into everything. I mean this school is built of brown nosers.... i mean really i feel like anyone 'up' on the list of students has really groveled at some point in their career... and those who are really up there... haha it's not even groveling when it's to that level... it's just being pathetic. Looking back, I guess I did somehow have a good relationship with Saunders? I don't really know how... I mean I wasn't in his section and only talked to him about four times that semester [and usually just in passing], but I guess it was my still-hopeful/good attitude at the time that made a good impression on him. I was also trying to get through some - what was to me - difficult stuff like super curvy surfaces with workable voids & etc... sooo yea. I'm also starting to think... maybe if i focus on acoustics being my 'thing' i won't get quite as disappointed seeing people excel in stuff across the boards. I mean some people are great at graphics, others are good at sucking up/ voicing their 'knowledge' and then there could be me: good at wall sections and loves acoustics. I don't see anything wrong with that... in fact I feel like it's a pretty good combination for where i'm at. [it would only be remembering this security and such when i'm engrossed in next semester]
Okay, so this is me... once again trying to rationalize and reasonablize with my circumstances... something that i should be learning/have learned from The Geography of Thought is not a good way to come to decisions. I should probably be looking for 'the middle way' in these circumstances [based on the fields of thought i like to ahere to...] but i'm so inexperienced in this whole act of decision-making, i really don't know what to dooo! Ah, i'm so so sorry to whoever reads this... having to listen or read rather, day by day about me not being able to decide what to do with my life. PLEASE if you have any ideas or suggestions I am here and waiting to hear what people have to say about this whole architecture - philosophy/acoustics situation.
-c
oh, p.s.! i got an upgrade from grande to venti at starbucks today [they ran out of grande cups]! yayyaya! my lucky day!
... hahah yes, this is the sort of thing that makes the day of a poor jobless youth.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
facebook loser
i am such a facebook looooooserrrr.... but i really want a jooooob! [i should probably try a little harder seeing as i dont wake up until 12 everydayyyy, but i know that if i had a job i'd wake up early!!!] - and pleaaaase board of elections have some new kind of vote or i hope that the machines malfunction so we can all get our glorious jobs backkk!!!
also, Eric's helpful ideas for me so far:
- file for unemployment
- work at FedEx [with mine & marissa's fav... Crystalllll]
- work at Common Ground [where he can drop me off in the morning] and then walk myself 'home' to his house, 20 bajillion miles away
and while these are all greaaaatt.... none of them are realll! but i really want a job! I mean c'mon?!?!?! not even dunkin is hiring?!?! what kind of economy is this, it's really just a joke to me now.
in other news: i got an awesome stamp today from Marissa [from China]... with which i proceeded to mark all of my favorite papers with and with which i plan to leave my mark upon numerous things throughout the Greene Building in the future. [hahaha]
also in other, other news: iiii hate the greene building - it is scary, uninviting, andddd full of scary people who are even more scary by being there this time of year anyways....
okay, other than thattttt i finished my buddha book yesterday sooo now i am bored.... hmm.... also wish i could make a decision about thingssss & that would make me feel better. okay, great, good talk.
-c
also, Eric's helpful ideas for me so far:
- file for unemployment
- work at FedEx [with mine & marissa's fav... Crystalllll]
- work at Common Ground [where he can drop me off in the morning] and then walk myself 'home' to his house, 20 bajillion miles away
and while these are all greaaaatt.... none of them are realll! but i really want a job! I mean c'mon?!?!?! not even dunkin is hiring?!?! what kind of economy is this, it's really just a joke to me now.
in other news: i got an awesome stamp today from Marissa [from China]... with which i proceeded to mark all of my favorite papers with and with which i plan to leave my mark upon numerous things throughout the Greene Building in the future. [hahaha]
also in other, other news: iiii hate the greene building - it is scary, uninviting, andddd full of scary people who are even more scary by being there this time of year anyways....
okay, other than thattttt i finished my buddha book yesterday sooo now i am bored.... hmm.... also wish i could make a decision about thingssss & that would make me feel better. okay, great, good talk.
-c
Monday, June 21, 2010
love love love
Love Shigeru!
And no surprise that I also love the Hungary Pavilion!....
[kind of a lot like one of mine & jenni's proposals last semester... haha]
-c
Summer Reading
It seems like last summer I had such an awesome time [okay, this totally goes against my last entry, commenting on Eric telling me not to compare so many things....], but last summer I had the most amazing time in Photography class, I had an amazing time at my job [board of elections with Donn, Aileen, Evan.... it was sooo much fun!] and I got to run all around CT and Marthas Vineyard and Boston with Eric! But this summer I can't even find myself engrossed in my books!?
Last summer I read Natalie Goldberg [my favorite author], the Emily Giffin series, a couple physics books, The Best Buddhist Writing 2008... I was so engaged by all of this reading! I was writing, photographing, [i even made a model for photography class - the house from UP!] and most imporantly - I was dreaming! I had actual hope and aspirations for my future... sure there wasn't a clear 'path' ahead of me, but I had some great love of moving forward, I was open to trying things out and seeing where they lead.
Now, on the other hand, I feel like all that's ahead of me is a conveluded, scribble path that appears so daunting as to make me not even want to attempt it! I'm trying to get into the best buddhist writing 2009... I'm even come across the 'green' chapters about the state of the world and yadda yadda - stuff I usually won't stand for - but I read and listened and it was probably the most honest writing I've found on the topic - extremely realistic and not end-of-everything like those writers and people usually are... but even so the reading hasn't inspired me to go out and do great things like last summer. I mean last summer I'd read a chapter and write like five pages in my sketchbook... [maybe it's this super conventional blog-setup I've got going on, even though I did buy a new sketchbook for the summer]... but ahhh I just feel lost.
Okay, anyway I wanted to write about what I want to read this summer... which includes: the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the koans, more Natalie Goldberg, Christian Norberg-Schulz, Tschumi, probably more buddha stuff? haha that's the main list of it though - I looked into more Edelmann stuff [from the neuroscience-consciousness book I started the summer with] but all of his writing seems to be very circular... he also kind of treats the reader as though we don't remember anything... and he makes up his own terms for things... and while none of these things on their own really ruin a reading for me, it just doesn't work when he uses his writing style... there's just something so detached and unemotional about it, but I guess that's what you'd expect from a scientist? [okay, sorry that was bad... I really don't believe all scientists are bad writers... I'm actually sure many of them are very good].
Ahh, okay that's all... two posts in the last hour [?]... is probably good enough for now.
crazy buddha tattoo.
-c
Last summer I read Natalie Goldberg [my favorite author], the Emily Giffin series, a couple physics books, The Best Buddhist Writing 2008... I was so engaged by all of this reading! I was writing, photographing, [i even made a model for photography class - the house from UP!] and most imporantly - I was dreaming! I had actual hope and aspirations for my future... sure there wasn't a clear 'path' ahead of me, but I had some great love of moving forward, I was open to trying things out and seeing where they lead.
Now, on the other hand, I feel like all that's ahead of me is a conveluded, scribble path that appears so daunting as to make me not even want to attempt it! I'm trying to get into the best buddhist writing 2009... I'm even come across the 'green' chapters about the state of the world and yadda yadda - stuff I usually won't stand for - but I read and listened and it was probably the most honest writing I've found on the topic - extremely realistic and not end-of-everything like those writers and people usually are... but even so the reading hasn't inspired me to go out and do great things like last summer. I mean last summer I'd read a chapter and write like five pages in my sketchbook... [maybe it's this super conventional blog-setup I've got going on, even though I did buy a new sketchbook for the summer]... but ahhh I just feel lost.
Okay, anyway I wanted to write about what I want to read this summer... which includes: the Tibetan Book of the Dead, the koans, more Natalie Goldberg, Christian Norberg-Schulz, Tschumi, probably more buddha stuff? haha that's the main list of it though - I looked into more Edelmann stuff [from the neuroscience-consciousness book I started the summer with] but all of his writing seems to be very circular... he also kind of treats the reader as though we don't remember anything... and he makes up his own terms for things... and while none of these things on their own really ruin a reading for me, it just doesn't work when he uses his writing style... there's just something so detached and unemotional about it, but I guess that's what you'd expect from a scientist? [okay, sorry that was bad... I really don't believe all scientists are bad writers... I'm actually sure many of them are very good].
Ahh, okay that's all... two posts in the last hour [?]... is probably good enough for now.
crazy buddha tattoo.
-c
Need more Buddha
Eric Eric Boberic.... soo all of his teachings are just as golden as all of the buddha books I obsessively collect. He's always so carefree and wiiiiseee... I guess it's good that opposites attract. The reason I was thinking of this is just because I'm coming to realise how much of a useless human I am... but admist all my low-self-esteem trudging Eric will come through with something nice and uplifting to say. "You can't compare yourself to others", probably the most frequent saying I get directed my way - but it's still something I always need to hear. I mean I came out of high school 'happy' with myself? It was an odd paradox I guess.... in high school my relationships sucked - especially at the very end. I got involved with sucky, time-consuming boys and lost the comradery of my closest friends, buuuttt in the eyes of my teachers I was great! Ms. Herr wanted me to follow in her footsteps and go to Purdue for chem... just like her, have my own farm and teach hs chem... Ms. Skeals always had faith in me even though I wasn't set on writing/ English in the time of my life when I was in her classes, likewise Mrs. Dils also loved me in English class even though I was more interested in the sciences. Hey, even Mr. Hanley and Mr. Body-Builder Aubin believed in my artistic talents, but of course... me being me, I had to strive to try and do something I was more unfamiliar with, and more challeneged by.
But, that's sort of besides the point.... so in high school my elders, the 'scholars' had more faith in me, but my relationships fell to the wayside and now in college my relationships are pretty good, but I can't find really anyone in my major who thinks I'm good at this stuff. I mean going to Rome was a good, uplifting sign, but it's also a very contrived process - trying to match up people 'who will get along'... and at the same time even right after the results were posted different students were rising and others - like me - were falling withing the 'good architecture student' metre.
So, today in my car as I'm driving back from a disappointing "not hiring" from Dunkin Doughnuts [yup...] and then I went and bought myself a Starbucks [hahahaaa] I was thinking about how 'if' I am to go into DD, I'm just going to have to accept my humility. I'm not that good at graphics, I don't like doing trivial 'plan' configurations, and usually I like choosing something very abnormal and abstract and working from it as inspiration, rather than taking something very literal and transforming it.... literally into something else. I am good at wall sections - lol as everyone in my classes probably knows - that's really my 'calling' I will draw and think-up wall sections for the rest of my life and I will be a happy camper. Sooo James can layout the thing and I'll design the walls - great! Hmm.. I have to be good at some other things, too.... I mean I used to be good at graphics. I remember for the Four Houses Design Comp I got alot of positive feedback for both my designs and the colors/boards that I had [my models really sucked].... and THAT'S something I wish I was good at [maybe I should practice]...
I really wish I was good at making models. I mean in a paired or group setting there [typically] should be more time for each person to focus on doing things they enjoy and while I'm not good at model-making as of yet, I really do enjoy it a lot. For me, it just comes down to the fact that I don't have set design in time enough to make a model, and when it comes to putting it all together I freak out and it turns out horrible.
Which is something I'm scared of again... the whole Design Charrette thing ruined my soul for weeks. I ran out of that place sooo fast and went home crying myself to sleep. It was sooo stressful being in a group with Kyle and Elliot and Jefferson and Riebe. I mean first of all Riebe was the professor freshman year to come up to me and get angry that I hadn't had a personal discussion about my project with him... [i didn't even know the guy! and it was my first semester!... no other professor asked to be spoken to personally]. Then of course, there's the whole stupid Kyle situation that I thought had passed... butttt it's just scary working with such a perfectionist that deep down I knew nothinggg that I did would be 'good enough'. Elliot really went against my expectations - he was a good leader and really positive with me even though I was shaking in my boots the whole time. And Jefferson... kind of like Kyle.... I was just scared of him the whole time. Always knowing that he wouldn't think my work was good enough - that it wasn't up to his standards. So arrrghhh, just thinking about this whole situation makes me scared of architecture again. I mean if I have a colleague and a professor who don't believe in me at little old RPI... how many people in the real-world will find my work horrifying? - not to mention Gustavo also didn't really like me, and when I thought Oatman could be at least a confidant that fell through, too... and I'm never really sure about DBell, except now I know he's disappointed in me after the conversation I had at the end of last semester - ahhh! My mom is always harassing me about 'networking' and having good mentors in college and I can't find ANY!
Okay, well this wasn't supposed to become a rant. It was actually supposed to be about me thinking that since Eric is going to have a great life and a great professional career, I should at least try to attain that for myself. And to me, that seems like it would mean staying in architecture school and just trying to get a place at a firm and become a professional person afterward. [?] So, yes, that is what I was thinking about in the car... the need for me to try to be an amazing person-student like Eric so I won't look like a drowning rat all the time when it comes to jobs and careers. Ugh.... I don't think any of this thinking is congruent with any of the 217 pages of Buddha reading I've done the past couple days...
buddha mural.
-c
But, that's sort of besides the point.... so in high school my elders, the 'scholars' had more faith in me, but my relationships fell to the wayside and now in college my relationships are pretty good, but I can't find really anyone in my major who thinks I'm good at this stuff. I mean going to Rome was a good, uplifting sign, but it's also a very contrived process - trying to match up people 'who will get along'... and at the same time even right after the results were posted different students were rising and others - like me - were falling withing the 'good architecture student' metre.
So, today in my car as I'm driving back from a disappointing "not hiring" from Dunkin Doughnuts [yup...] and then I went and bought myself a Starbucks [hahahaaa] I was thinking about how 'if' I am to go into DD, I'm just going to have to accept my humility. I'm not that good at graphics, I don't like doing trivial 'plan' configurations, and usually I like choosing something very abnormal and abstract and working from it as inspiration, rather than taking something very literal and transforming it.... literally into something else. I am good at wall sections - lol as everyone in my classes probably knows - that's really my 'calling' I will draw and think-up wall sections for the rest of my life and I will be a happy camper. Sooo James can layout the thing and I'll design the walls - great! Hmm.. I have to be good at some other things, too.... I mean I used to be good at graphics. I remember for the Four Houses Design Comp I got alot of positive feedback for both my designs and the colors/boards that I had [my models really sucked].... and THAT'S something I wish I was good at [maybe I should practice]...
I really wish I was good at making models. I mean in a paired or group setting there [typically] should be more time for each person to focus on doing things they enjoy and while I'm not good at model-making as of yet, I really do enjoy it a lot. For me, it just comes down to the fact that I don't have set design in time enough to make a model, and when it comes to putting it all together I freak out and it turns out horrible.
Which is something I'm scared of again... the whole Design Charrette thing ruined my soul for weeks. I ran out of that place sooo fast and went home crying myself to sleep. It was sooo stressful being in a group with Kyle and Elliot and Jefferson and Riebe. I mean first of all Riebe was the professor freshman year to come up to me and get angry that I hadn't had a personal discussion about my project with him... [i didn't even know the guy! and it was my first semester!... no other professor asked to be spoken to personally]. Then of course, there's the whole stupid Kyle situation that I thought had passed... butttt it's just scary working with such a perfectionist that deep down I knew nothinggg that I did would be 'good enough'. Elliot really went against my expectations - he was a good leader and really positive with me even though I was shaking in my boots the whole time. And Jefferson... kind of like Kyle.... I was just scared of him the whole time. Always knowing that he wouldn't think my work was good enough - that it wasn't up to his standards. So arrrghhh, just thinking about this whole situation makes me scared of architecture again. I mean if I have a colleague and a professor who don't believe in me at little old RPI... how many people in the real-world will find my work horrifying? - not to mention Gustavo also didn't really like me, and when I thought Oatman could be at least a confidant that fell through, too... and I'm never really sure about DBell, except now I know he's disappointed in me after the conversation I had at the end of last semester - ahhh! My mom is always harassing me about 'networking' and having good mentors in college and I can't find ANY!
Okay, well this wasn't supposed to become a rant. It was actually supposed to be about me thinking that since Eric is going to have a great life and a great professional career, I should at least try to attain that for myself. And to me, that seems like it would mean staying in architecture school and just trying to get a place at a firm and become a professional person afterward. [?] So, yes, that is what I was thinking about in the car... the need for me to try to be an amazing person-student like Eric so I won't look like a drowning rat all the time when it comes to jobs and careers. Ugh.... I don't think any of this thinking is congruent with any of the 217 pages of Buddha reading I've done the past couple days...
buddha mural.
-c
Thursday, June 17, 2010
the News
Yesterday I had my meeting to discuss the 'career aptitude test' I took andddd lo and behold... I have an interest in EVERYTHING. Okay, seriously.... whooo gets a score like this?!?!?! The guidance counselor began talking about it, telling me I would have probably fit-in alot better in a more humanities/ liberal arts setting but of course - it's too late to change to that. He was there telling me how 'the Rensselaer student' normally has a very narrow range of interests and is extremely long-term minded, but mee on the other hand.... I'm really open-minded, fickle, and indecisive.... yup, awesome qualities. Of course in addition to my bad 'Rensselaer student' qualities I had to take a psychology-type exam as a common measure for anyone who comes into the office anndddd.... great.... I show signs of anxiety and depression. Hmmm.... this summer is just turning out to be the best yet! ha. Okay, really... I mean I knew I felt depressed during the semester but if I'm showing signs now, too... that's really not good. Ahhhh and the nature of counesling... to make youuu come up with an answer yourself...... sooo yea no answer from the guy I thought would help me determine my future - very disappointing to say the least.
And I keep going back to the same old questions - in regards to what to choose. I'm afraid of leaving everyone in architecture.... as the counselor put it - it's basically like being in a 5-year-long initiation into a frat or sorority.... and it's constant humiliation.... but when you're out, you know you've completed it with the people you started with. I'm afraid of not having people to hang out with and that everyone in arch will just kind of forget about me... I mean it's kind of already happened, everyone's sort of gone on in their own ways... but I'm sure 5th year would be a blast. On the other hand... my career apt test showed that I have very high interests in artistic and investigative regions [those where the top two, but all of the others were of 'high' interest lol]... sooo if I changed to Philosophy with a minor in Arch Acoustics it would provide me with the balance and mixture of interests that I really enjoy... and from there I could make a decision for my Masters studies... either going on with phil.... acoustics.... back to arch? something entirely different? In this case, I would have to be comfortable diving into something new, with new people, new thinking, and a new sort of schedule.... basically man up and just learn to be myself. I feel like I keep just trying to reason with it all, but really I need to just make a decision... it's like the summer is one long shopping trip for me - where I can never choose what I want to buy and just go back and forth in the same store for an hour putting off the choice... yea... awesome a summer full of that kind of stupid feeling. But I'm sure that even if I made one choice now... it would probably change next week and then change back again a few weeks later... it's just this stupid way I operate and I can't break the cycle. The guidance man said my indecision probably comes from the low self-esteem and depression I have - that I don't have any confidence in myself... but ahhhh I don't know how to changeeee thattttt.
-c
And I keep going back to the same old questions - in regards to what to choose. I'm afraid of leaving everyone in architecture.... as the counselor put it - it's basically like being in a 5-year-long initiation into a frat or sorority.... and it's constant humiliation.... but when you're out, you know you've completed it with the people you started with. I'm afraid of not having people to hang out with and that everyone in arch will just kind of forget about me... I mean it's kind of already happened, everyone's sort of gone on in their own ways... but I'm sure 5th year would be a blast. On the other hand... my career apt test showed that I have very high interests in artistic and investigative regions [those where the top two, but all of the others were of 'high' interest lol]... sooo if I changed to Philosophy with a minor in Arch Acoustics it would provide me with the balance and mixture of interests that I really enjoy... and from there I could make a decision for my Masters studies... either going on with phil.... acoustics.... back to arch? something entirely different? In this case, I would have to be comfortable diving into something new, with new people, new thinking, and a new sort of schedule.... basically man up and just learn to be myself. I feel like I keep just trying to reason with it all, but really I need to just make a decision... it's like the summer is one long shopping trip for me - where I can never choose what I want to buy and just go back and forth in the same store for an hour putting off the choice... yea... awesome a summer full of that kind of stupid feeling. But I'm sure that even if I made one choice now... it would probably change next week and then change back again a few weeks later... it's just this stupid way I operate and I can't break the cycle. The guidance man said my indecision probably comes from the low self-esteem and depression I have - that I don't have any confidence in myself... but ahhhh I don't know how to changeeee thattttt.
-c
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm not a Historian
I'm not a historian, but I do wonder about the comings-about of a lot of things. Take for instance: college. How did college come to be what it is today? Few people continue to study what they set out to get their bachlors in, I feel like a great number of people from RPI and similar places actually come to dispise their undergraduate degree and frantically go on to search for happiness elsewhere. Also, it seems like you can bend and manipulate any sort of degree to "fit" into almost any job you want to get... I guess that's the nature of going to college to prove you "know how to learn", so then why are colleges and programs so strict with curriculum? Shouldn't universities take up an extremely free-form style for students to pick and choose from a variety of classes, take/learn whatever they want on their whim? And if you're some haughty, uptight university ho-ha I really don't care about whatever structured answer you would care to give me about heirarchies and order and ways of society/ the categorization we obsess over here in America.
I mean personally, I see our generations wildness and breakouts of the norm as a desire for some sort of change from the structures that have been set up for us... sure, okay, some of us will grow up to become arguing republican sons of bitches stripping the planet of materials for wealth, fame, and blonde hair, but aside from those people who are carrying on in a linear fashion, I believe a number of us younger people are looking for some sort of freedom.
Yeaaa hippie timeess... lol. But in all seriousness, while we are all still in this growing stage, why not change the form of things? Maybe we don't have to be so conventional all of the time... universities don't have to be so structured... our culutre as a whole could be more freeform... could this maybe help us rely upon and relate to one another in better ways? I feel like the structured form of things creates unhealthy competition... you are in this "place" that you want to stay in forever and any form of change brought upon you is the wrath of hell.... why not embrace change and movement in life? I understand there needs to be specialization... everything would fall apart without people knowing how to do certain things very well, but I don't know... I think there can be a bit more space left open for exploration. Looking back on Italy, I can't get over just how much better the lifestyle is over there. How different a day is for people in different parts of the world! We in American literally break our backs everyday for a paycheck, even people like me - who don't really care so much about the cutthroat money, but more about the happiness and finding something to do with myself/ survive enough to get a coffee everyday - are working our bones dry and left to the night to break out, drink and live in an unreality of drunken bliss. The Italians on the other hand seem to know who they are. They work and learn during the day, of course not without about 3-5 cappuchino/ice cream breaks and chatting galore... then they finish with their studies or at their desks and it's home to see the family. Not home to cry over the horrible grey wall you sit behind everyday, not to cry about the stupid uninteresting things you've learned in school, not to sit and read and write and struggle over the things you are trying to learn and love... not any of these horrible situations... not for the Italians, because once their day is done, it's done. And then they begin to live. And I'm not just using the word "live" lightly either.... I mean really they live. They form and hold onto their relationships, they converse - the essential mark of being human, they share stories, sunlight, and time. I really wish we could change and stop worring about being "Ameriiicaaaa" and just be us.
-c
I mean personally, I see our generations wildness and breakouts of the norm as a desire for some sort of change from the structures that have been set up for us... sure, okay, some of us will grow up to become arguing republican sons of bitches stripping the planet of materials for wealth, fame, and blonde hair, but aside from those people who are carrying on in a linear fashion, I believe a number of us younger people are looking for some sort of freedom.
Yeaaa hippie timeess... lol. But in all seriousness, while we are all still in this growing stage, why not change the form of things? Maybe we don't have to be so conventional all of the time... universities don't have to be so structured... our culutre as a whole could be more freeform... could this maybe help us rely upon and relate to one another in better ways? I feel like the structured form of things creates unhealthy competition... you are in this "place" that you want to stay in forever and any form of change brought upon you is the wrath of hell.... why not embrace change and movement in life? I understand there needs to be specialization... everything would fall apart without people knowing how to do certain things very well, but I don't know... I think there can be a bit more space left open for exploration. Looking back on Italy, I can't get over just how much better the lifestyle is over there. How different a day is for people in different parts of the world! We in American literally break our backs everyday for a paycheck, even people like me - who don't really care so much about the cutthroat money, but more about the happiness and finding something to do with myself/ survive enough to get a coffee everyday - are working our bones dry and left to the night to break out, drink and live in an unreality of drunken bliss. The Italians on the other hand seem to know who they are. They work and learn during the day, of course not without about 3-5 cappuchino/ice cream breaks and chatting galore... then they finish with their studies or at their desks and it's home to see the family. Not home to cry over the horrible grey wall you sit behind everyday, not to cry about the stupid uninteresting things you've learned in school, not to sit and read and write and struggle over the things you are trying to learn and love... not any of these horrible situations... not for the Italians, because once their day is done, it's done. And then they begin to live. And I'm not just using the word "live" lightly either.... I mean really they live. They form and hold onto their relationships, they converse - the essential mark of being human, they share stories, sunlight, and time. I really wish we could change and stop worring about being "Ameriiicaaaa" and just be us.
-c
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