It's amazing how much easier my life has been since moving back home. I'm not sure how long I'll stay, but at least I can breathe at work now. I used to be soo bent up, just about the idea that Greg could be wandering around the apartment, doing stupid things. Now I don't give a .... yea. Wow, I really need to live alone for a little while. But it's also amazing that work ends in two weeks... TWO WEEKS. How did this happen?? The summer was soo eventful? Sort of? At least in the beginning, it was awesome with weekly trivia and footsie fridays, meeting new people and just being crazy in general. Now alottt has to happen for the summer to end in ways I'd imagined. I still haven't signed up for the GRE's... oops, or visited NYU for that matter. Also, haven't researched new computers... ooor reimaged this one in like a year. Yea, DBell's studioo really boosted my proactiveness haha.
Being home also made me realize the things I can't provide for the pup [it's amazing that I could find anything positive in suburbia...]. But I feel so guilty not being able to provide her with a lawn to run around in. The first day I brought her home my mom said to just let her loose in the backyard and see what she does... and boy did she take off. All we saw was her little rabbit-tail popping up behind the trees and bushes along the fence line. The sad thing is, I think she would have kept running if there wasn't a big wooden barrier in her way. And if I am to keep her, I know I'd need to find a place for her to do this, to run free like she wants to. Another thing I feel guilty about is just not having the time to spend around her. When school starts I can be gone in class from 8am until 8pm... easily. And when I usually don't have time to go home for lunch, I think that can be an indicator that I will probably not be able to go home to feed Bella or take her out. Ahh. And now everyone... even my stubborn-to-like-anything-I-do sister is asking me if I'm going to adopt her. I know I would be a much better parent than most people I've seen show up at the Humane Society, but I also can already see the areas in which I would fail. Then again, at least in the fall, Sage would be around to love her and hang out with her. I'm sure Bella and Sage would be great buddies in the lonely archie house. But then Sage will be growing up and going into the real world after a semester. Would that just make Bella even more confused and sad? I really wish I could get her a kitty friend, but I'm pretty sure everyoneee else in my apartment is allergic. And a fish just won't do. Poor Bella puppy. Another thing I feel guilty about is just how much she sees me as her leader. She knows what her job is throughout the day, and she knows when to bother me to go out, to have food, when it's time to wake up. It saddens me to think she would move in with someone else and have to reestablish all of these things, especially because she is a relatively easy dog to care for, but she does have some snafus that will tick people off... I'm sure. But I just laugh, because she's difficult and confusing like me. A great situation would be if my parents wanted to adopt her. She and Whispy lovee each other... haha well, maybe not love, but they find each other very interesting. Whisp has even got a little more pep in his step since she's been around [he now jumps off the landing to make an entrance into the living room hahaha]. They also love wandering around as a little explorer herd in the back yard. Whisp follows her around and then she trails him, it's really cute. I also know my dad likes her. I think he just likes all pets, and they all love him too. My mom is the super stubborn one. I think it's the fact that she's technically my responsibility and she doesn't want to be easy on me. When I get myself into things I think my mom just expects me to figure it all out, without the intention of helping me in any way. Bella also wasn't "her find" so she doesn't want to get involved. She's the kind of person that has to be right all the time, and be the one to make every decision, if not, then she won't have anyything to do with it. She's already told me many times that I "better not" adopt her. ughhh what a difficult person.
In other news, I'm becoming a regular at the track. I went both Friday and Saturday to bet on the races haha. I also reestablished that I do have a good eye for the horses. I won't bet unless I've seen them all in the paddock, and every first bet I made at the races, both times just $1 bets, I've come out with over $6 in return. And then most of my other choices had come in second, but I usually just bet them to win. Andd then there was my complete mess up, where the one funny-looking horse in the group, beat all the others out by something like four lengths. But just sitting at my desk now I'm itching to get back there. It makes me want to ride this summer so much, and reminds me of when I was little and sooo, so severely wanted to be a jockey. Through my teen years I was certain I'd do something with horses. I almost didn't go to college for it [but I am too much of a nerd for thattt, and I love school]. But when I was 14 I was offered a job at the racetrack. A trainer in my barn... not even my own trainer, but actually the trainer of my two best friends somehow offered my a job as the hotwalker for the barn she worked for in the summer. She was an English lesson teacher, but also and exercise jockey at the track. If my parents had let me be the hotwalker for her barn, I could have gone up the ranks to become an exercise jockey as well. But of course my parents said no. Every answer they gave me in high school was a no. I guess it would have been difficult. Everyone has to be at the track at 4:30 in the morning, and then you don't leave til about 7pm. But the deal-breaker for them was all the crime and general danger of the living areas around the track... I guess a valid point since I was 14, 5'3'' and 100lbs. But I still look back and pine at the idea that it could have been me riding those horses before their races. It shocks me that people can go to the track and never even LOOK at the horses. Or all the ladies that just bet because they like the name. I know that these are the most common types of track-goers. Nothing bad about that I guess, it's just surprising that it's a sport centered around these amazing animals, and very few people even take the time to look at them. Ah, well whatever. I need to get back to riding.
- c
Being home also made me realize the things I can't provide for the pup [it's amazing that I could find anything positive in suburbia...]. But I feel so guilty not being able to provide her with a lawn to run around in. The first day I brought her home my mom said to just let her loose in the backyard and see what she does... and boy did she take off. All we saw was her little rabbit-tail popping up behind the trees and bushes along the fence line. The sad thing is, I think she would have kept running if there wasn't a big wooden barrier in her way. And if I am to keep her, I know I'd need to find a place for her to do this, to run free like she wants to. Another thing I feel guilty about is just not having the time to spend around her. When school starts I can be gone in class from 8am until 8pm... easily. And when I usually don't have time to go home for lunch, I think that can be an indicator that I will probably not be able to go home to feed Bella or take her out. Ahh. And now everyone... even my stubborn-to-like-anything-I-do sister is asking me if I'm going to adopt her. I know I would be a much better parent than most people I've seen show up at the Humane Society, but I also can already see the areas in which I would fail. Then again, at least in the fall, Sage would be around to love her and hang out with her. I'm sure Bella and Sage would be great buddies in the lonely archie house. But then Sage will be growing up and going into the real world after a semester. Would that just make Bella even more confused and sad? I really wish I could get her a kitty friend, but I'm pretty sure everyoneee else in my apartment is allergic. And a fish just won't do. Poor Bella puppy. Another thing I feel guilty about is just how much she sees me as her leader. She knows what her job is throughout the day, and she knows when to bother me to go out, to have food, when it's time to wake up. It saddens me to think she would move in with someone else and have to reestablish all of these things, especially because she is a relatively easy dog to care for, but she does have some snafus that will tick people off... I'm sure. But I just laugh, because she's difficult and confusing like me. A great situation would be if my parents wanted to adopt her. She and Whispy lovee each other... haha well, maybe not love, but they find each other very interesting. Whisp has even got a little more pep in his step since she's been around [he now jumps off the landing to make an entrance into the living room hahaha]. They also love wandering around as a little explorer herd in the back yard. Whisp follows her around and then she trails him, it's really cute. I also know my dad likes her. I think he just likes all pets, and they all love him too. My mom is the super stubborn one. I think it's the fact that she's technically my responsibility and she doesn't want to be easy on me. When I get myself into things I think my mom just expects me to figure it all out, without the intention of helping me in any way. Bella also wasn't "her find" so she doesn't want to get involved. She's the kind of person that has to be right all the time, and be the one to make every decision, if not, then she won't have anyything to do with it. She's already told me many times that I "better not" adopt her. ughhh what a difficult person.
In other news, I'm becoming a regular at the track. I went both Friday and Saturday to bet on the races haha. I also reestablished that I do have a good eye for the horses. I won't bet unless I've seen them all in the paddock, and every first bet I made at the races, both times just $1 bets, I've come out with over $6 in return. And then most of my other choices had come in second, but I usually just bet them to win. Andd then there was my complete mess up, where the one funny-looking horse in the group, beat all the others out by something like four lengths. But just sitting at my desk now I'm itching to get back there. It makes me want to ride this summer so much, and reminds me of when I was little and sooo, so severely wanted to be a jockey. Through my teen years I was certain I'd do something with horses. I almost didn't go to college for it [but I am too much of a nerd for thattt, and I love school]. But when I was 14 I was offered a job at the racetrack. A trainer in my barn... not even my own trainer, but actually the trainer of my two best friends somehow offered my a job as the hotwalker for the barn she worked for in the summer. She was an English lesson teacher, but also and exercise jockey at the track. If my parents had let me be the hotwalker for her barn, I could have gone up the ranks to become an exercise jockey as well. But of course my parents said no. Every answer they gave me in high school was a no. I guess it would have been difficult. Everyone has to be at the track at 4:30 in the morning, and then you don't leave til about 7pm. But the deal-breaker for them was all the crime and general danger of the living areas around the track... I guess a valid point since I was 14, 5'3'' and 100lbs. But I still look back and pine at the idea that it could have been me riding those horses before their races. It shocks me that people can go to the track and never even LOOK at the horses. Or all the ladies that just bet because they like the name. I know that these are the most common types of track-goers. Nothing bad about that I guess, it's just surprising that it's a sport centered around these amazing animals, and very few people even take the time to look at them. Ah, well whatever. I need to get back to riding.
- c
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