It's always this time of year again - or maybe its 70% of the year that I spend dreaming about Italy. Being bored out of my mind today, I caught myself staring at the picture at the top of the blog [looking over Castle Vecchio], and dreaming of those first few days in Italy. It was like I had escaped my previous life and had transcended into a new one. Everyone was so summery fresh and happy, so carefree - it was kind of like freshman year all over again. And there was no real "architectural" learning going on the first few weeks there - it was just learning about our surroundings, about the type of environment we were immersing ourselves in. And it was so much fun. I don't think much can compare to the days after landing in Zurich, through the days in Venice. I think those were some of the strongest memories I will take with me from RPI. It is so funny looking back then, that going to Italy I felt soo old. Like this was a huge milestone in my career as an architecture student. For our first year we had been like little babies hearing of the 3rd years going abroad and doing crazy scripting projects with Saunders. And then... all of a sudden... it was us. We were the ones going abroad to do crazy Jefferson projects. But looking back now, we were such babies even then! So funny to think of how old we thought of ourselves, and yet, now we are 5th years. Even still, I can't imagine myself having the same amount of knowledge and presence in the school as the 5th years before us. I feel like I'm constantly trying to live up to the "Viv" standard, but am always falling short somehow. I remember back in freshman year when she was my TA and telling her that the gap in knowledge I felt between me, being a first year, and her, working in her second year, was unbelievable. I couldn't imagine knowing all of the things she did then, oor being able to work through the kinds of things the people in her class were doing. Only now, just after this past semester, do I feel like I have any sort of knowledge of what I've been doing this whole time. I think through all of my soul-searching, form-finding, tears, and struggles along the path of architecture I have finally learned to do the opposite of what caused all the pain. And dBell's studio was just the right environment to test and finally foster this new perspective on my work. Being able to take breaks, breathe, and let go of the 'death grip' I'd have on my work actually helped me to take a step back and evaluate what I'd been doing. Whereas before, I would trudge along with leads, then fall behind with unforseen setbacks, always taking the whims and wishes of my professors to heart and pursuing their vision rather than my own. It was only during last semester when I felt that I could take hold of my [good] ideas and see them come to fruition [I think I also had some good ideas for Blindfield, that came together in the 'field-y-ness' of it in the end, but were entirely overlooked - and copied! throughout the semester... fuck you Elliot you have zero ideas and zero potential... ugh had to get that out there]. Okay, so anyway I definitely found inspiration and my 'niche' through dBell's studio. I think this was partially due to the fact that there were no crazy people in the group... okay well there were a few, but they weren't really threats to anyone. But what could have been intimidating about me, Sean, Roz, Jenni, and Walshy? I think it was probably the most laid-back group there could have been. And that really helped me catch up to speed again. I think I was used to being 'ahead' freshman and sophomore years - I was learning the computer programs fast, and I had a good aesthetic that got me by most of the time. But then there came Gustavo, with no telling me "no" until it was too late. That semester crushed my self esteem, and left me hanging in no-man's-land. I felt like I had jumped ship, but without even knowing it. It was also during this time that many more people rose up through the ranks and started taking studio more seriously... this changed the whole game. And then there was Eric. Also introduced during my Gustavo semester, and I guess it was good that I learned to have a life during that time because if I hadn't I'd probably still be a workaholic with no idea about how to trust guys, or get into relationships. So things worked out in the end. Bahhh, and now it really is the end! Thesis is hiding around the next corner - literally - I go back after another day, andd whaaat will it be like?
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