the pixie

Ah! So one recent thing I've failed to share is the new haircut I want. This has had mixed reviews from the people I've discussed it with - and by mixed I mean mostly "no's", but I reaalllyy want to try it out. Especially because getting it now it might look cute, whereas cutting it like this when I'm older will just make me look like a mom. Sooo, here are some images of the cut I like [on a model of course... but would it look good on mee??]:

The first two are French model, Audrey Tataou, on which I think the haircut looks supercute. The bottom picture is an American actress [I forget her name... oops], but it also doesn't look too bad on her. I found another length worn by Audrey T that I also like:

but unfortunately I don't think my hair is that curly. Ohhh if only there were a good way to do a test-run of a hairstyle. I feel like I might chicken-out anywayyy : (

- c

some webbie things

siberian huskyyy - pretty

clavel architects - also prettyyy

- c

few thoughts

Ahh last day of freedom is finally heree, tomorrow it's back to Troooy. [I don't think I want to go back yet] But maybe it'll be a different story living in the house with people I actually want around... Also I hope it'll calm me down by having a couple days buffer before classes begin.

Definitely have been dreaming a lot more about grad school than actually working my way towards it [probably should pick up the GRE book a bit more often]. But now it's at that point where I'm nervous and excited for getting back to that great old love-hate relationship I have with the Greene building. Ahhh architecture what will you bring for me this year?

- c

from freshman to 5th year

It's always this time of year again - or maybe its 70% of the year that I spend dreaming about Italy. Being bored out of my mind today, I caught myself staring at the picture at the top of the blog [looking over Castle Vecchio], and dreaming of those first few days in Italy. It was like I had escaped my previous life and had transcended into a new one. Everyone was so summery fresh and happy, so carefree - it was kind of like freshman year all over again. And there was no real "architectural" learning going on the first few weeks there - it was just learning about our surroundings, about the type of environment we were immersing ourselves in. And it was so much fun. I don't think much can compare to the days after landing in Zurich, through the days in Venice. I think those were some of the strongest memories I will take with me from RPI. It is so funny looking back then, that going to Italy I felt soo old. Like this was a huge milestone in my career as an architecture student. For our first year we had been like little babies hearing of the 3rd years going abroad and doing crazy scripting projects with Saunders. And then... all of a sudden... it was us. We were the ones going abroad to do crazy Jefferson projects. But looking back now, we were such babies even then! So funny to think of how old we thought of ourselves, and yet, now we are 5th years. Even still, I can't imagine myself having the same amount of knowledge and presence in the school as the 5th years before us. I feel like I'm constantly trying to live up to the "Viv" standard, but am always falling short somehow. I remember back in freshman year when she was my TA and telling her that the gap in knowledge I felt between me, being a first year, and her, working in her second year, was unbelievable. I couldn't imagine knowing all of the things she did then, oor being able to work through the kinds of things the people in her class were doing. Only now, just after this past semester, do I feel like I have any sort of knowledge of what I've been doing this whole time. I think through all of my soul-searching, form-finding, tears, and struggles along the path of architecture I have finally learned to do the opposite of what caused all the pain. And dBell's studio was just the right environment to test and finally foster this new perspective on my work. Being able to take breaks, breathe, and let go of the 'death grip' I'd have on my work actually helped me to take a step back and evaluate what I'd been doing.  Whereas before, I would trudge along with leads, then fall behind with unforseen setbacks, always taking the whims and wishes of my professors to heart and pursuing their vision rather than my own. It was only during last semester when I felt that I could take hold of my [good] ideas and see them come to fruition [I think I also had some good ideas for Blindfield, that came together in the 'field-y-ness' of it in the end, but were entirely overlooked - and copied! throughout the semester... fuck you Elliot you have zero ideas and zero potential... ugh had to get that out there]. Okay, so anyway I definitely found inspiration and my 'niche' through dBell's studio. I think this was partially due to the fact that there were no crazy people in the group... okay well there were a few, but they weren't really threats to anyone. But what could have been intimidating about me, Sean, Roz, Jenni, and Walshy? I think it was probably the most laid-back group there could have been. And that really helped me catch up to speed again. I think I was used to being 'ahead' freshman and sophomore years - I was learning the computer programs fast, and I had a good aesthetic that got me by most of the time. But then there came Gustavo, with no telling me "no" until it was too late. That semester crushed my self esteem, and left me hanging in no-man's-land. I felt like I had jumped ship, but without even knowing it. It was also during this time that many more people rose up through the ranks and started taking studio more seriously... this changed the whole game. And then there was Eric. Also introduced during my Gustavo semester, and I guess it was good that I learned to have a life during that time because if I hadn't I'd probably still be a workaholic with no idea about how to trust guys, or get into relationships. So things worked out in the end. Bahhh, and now it really is the end! Thesis is hiding around the next corner - literally - I go back after another day, andd whaaat will it be like?

- c

shopping or running?... ha

I HAVE A SHOPPING PROBLEM.  I first learned to admit this last week, when after two weeks of visiting the mall - almost daily - it dawned on me that maaaybeee I shop too much? This only occurred after running around the Gap in a mad daze trying on everything in site before their flash sale ended [Eric and I walked in at 6:30 and the sale ended at 7]. I don't think we even said a word to each other that whole half hour... and I had narrowed things down to two pairs of pants and two shirts, but there was no way I could take all of that. Just the week before I had bought two dresses, a pair of heels, and two shirts. Oh - but this is not the end of it. So at the flash sale - 30% off EVERYTHING and $20 off all jeans [bah! yeaaa] I ended up with one shirt and one pant [pretty tame]. Anddd then I bought a dress at H&M and dinner after.... ahhh. I was handing over my card at H&M when it hit me - maybeeee I spend a littttlleee tinnnyy bit too much on the things I put on my back. Oh, but school hasn't started yet... so I can usually make it a day of no shopping and then I'm back to it the day after. Case in point - going awayyy. I went to visit Marissa and stay at the beach, which shouuuldd mean nooo spending money... what is there to buy at the beach anyway? But noo, these were CT beaches... with outlets two or three of them within fifteen minutes of the beach! Sooo... a belt, scarf, and earrings... ahhh!!! Okay, but that's been it sooo far, and with school approaching I'm hoping my habits will change. I will probably be spending more money on beer and foodd [and hopefully the puppyyy]. I thought of a great idea I should practice but [obviously] have not started yet - that would be going for a run every time I have the urge to shop. See it's perfect - because every time that I would have the opportunity to shop would be the best opportunity to run. It would have to be light out, not during one of my classes, and essentially "down time". Ohhh if only it were thattt easy...

- c 

good post archdaily

great archdaily post. i love scandinavian design!

- c

italian studies

What do I want out of this Master's program? Well, what more could I want? Every time I read more into the Italian Studies program at NYU, the more I feel at peace with my future. For one, unlike many universities, they allow you to graduate with a Master's in a language/ culture program [Harvard will only accept you on a PhD track], and also there seems to be a limitless number of possibilities in this department. [now I only wish I had visited them when I was in the city... another visit? yes please!] So as I was reading more into this thing - besides being almost completely blinded by the fact that you can SPEND A YEAR IN FLORENCE AT THEIR HOUSE LA PIETRA... umm what was I saying again? Oh yea, well besides that amazing fact I could finish my Masters in two years, anddd apply it to my field of study from my Bachelors [hellloooo perfection!]. I don't think I could have found a better fit at a better time. I guess that's just how my long journey has had to turn out... probably how all of my long journeys will turn out, in some way that will only make sense in the end. Throughout this whole long, five year uphill struggle I've jumped from wanting every extreme. In the end, I feel like I am being led to the front door of the rest of my life. This could even be inspiration for my Thesis - why not take the spirit of the thing I want to study and integrate it into this project [although this could end in catastrophic failure... hmm].

But what would I say? When asked "why do you want to enter this program for your Masters"? What do I say? I mean from my end, there are a million and a half reasons why to go forward with this - isn't it on their end to deem the final judgement? I mean of course there's Italy itself. The semester I still dream about, and long to return. There's Italian architecture that has been on my mind, and nestled deep within my inspirations since my visit. There are the people and the lifestyle, the food. Everything about that time in Italy has changed me as a person, why not continue exploring this change? I think having a purely "American" world-view is probably very limiting. Especially in the field of architecture, overexposure to one way of life seems like it could lead to things like... well I dunno the US pavilion at the Expo last year [Shanghai]... ahhh! The horror!! Yea no... cannot have that spring up during my midlife crisis. I need something new, an outlet that can balance and enhance all that I have currently worked for. I think the introduction of a new mindset, a new pace, and new flavors for life could be just the thing to revamp my career as an architect. I would have not only the stringent, technical-American-school eye for things, I could also have the lively, energy-for-living perspective of the Italians. Dear NYU, please plan on seeing my shining face because I will return!

- c 

new name!

Decided to revamp the blog again. Kind of like spring cleaning... only in mid-August. Yep, along with the new format that came a few months ago, I decided to change the name. This time I'm going with "The Night Owl"... not entirely original but true-to-form, whatever form I might come in this upcoming year. I think it'll be quite appropriate for my Thesis lifestyle - being that either I will be an in-studio night owl, or an out-on-the-town night owl. Either way - the name will be fitting.

In other news, I think I can whole-heartily admit that August is my favorite month of the year. I can't even begin to understand why someone's favorite season is Spring. Even I - a spring baby - should have the biggest amount of love and longing for this season, but no. No way. Spring is the worst! All that spring consists of here is rain and finals. Who would love that? I think fall is my favorite season, there's always a mysterious sense in the air maybe the anticipation of winter that is like an odd, unconscious drive. Not to mention the best holidays are all in the fall. Thanksgiving and Halloween are by far the funnest, and best-weathered events of the year. Not to mention the first few weeks of September are probably the prettiest in the whole entire world. But anyways, August is the best. August is when work ends, dreaming commences [freely], and school is in the distance. Even the start of school can't tarnish August - this is somewhat of a gem in itself. The beginning of school is when we all still love each other and think in our heads "ah, maybe I won't want to rip his/her head off this year". This is when we are truly friends, and not an awkward, dysfunctional family [which is also pretty entertaining]. August also has the best weather [I'm even saying this despite the rain we've had lately]. It's dry and warm, but not killer-hot like July. Ahh August, never leave me.

- c

woo inspirationn

Found an awesome new firm:

Denzer + Poensgen

http://www.denzer-poensgen.de/projekte.html

<3


- c

all and more

What if I could have it all? What would I do if I could choose every great major to accomplish in my life? I have certainly had my whims and wishes over the past five years, and I must say it hasn't stopped. Now I've been reading up on Linguistics, doing research and finding that is just that - research. The programs are difficult, too, it's not just learning about linguistics in a philosophical or anthropological sense... its THAT in conjunction with learning two to three other languages, oh yea and being complete grammar-Nazi at the same time. All fun and games over theree...? Yea no. I've been analyzing my conversations with other people, and with the graduate counselor at Gallatin, and I realize maybe I'm chasing the wrong goose [ha - grammar-correct-English-phrase-Nazis take that and put it in your coffeee]. But basically I have two desires from my continuing education - one being to find a way to market myself as a desperate-to-be-intercontinental designer [d.t.b.i.d for short], and two to learn a [or a few] foreign languages. Shouuldd I then look into Master's in foreign languages? [hahah Rich will killll me for this if he's reading... oh hey! hi!] Reading into the Italian Studies program at NYU it seems like a great fit! It appears to be a small program - actively seeking students and is not limited to the language itself. At NYU the graduate program promotes the study of the Italian culture as a whole - kind of the feeling I got from Italian classes when in Italy [they want to tell you everything about everything]. They also have a 1-year advanced master's study in Florence [!!!!!] ! Wow! Getting my parents to be okay with this is another thing... Whenever I tell them my friends are planning on pursuing master's in programs other than their bachelor's degree they tend to frown upon it [especially my friends in architecture who have expressed interest in other fields]. But let's not forget proposition #1 - I shalt market myself as a better Archie with my advanced language skills. In which case I guess it would be more advantageous to study something like Spanish or Chinese... but who's counting? hahah Okay, for real though Spanish would be a much more marketable language to a firm, especially in California or New York. I'm sure there would be a handful of firms ready to eat me up and send me out to Spanish Harlem. I guess if I could pay my way for the master's program I would jump on board in an instant! [with some reassurance that I might find work after it's all over] I think this is the time when I really need to speak with DBell and Demetrios. This whole idea of a new field for my master's comes from Demetrios himself - with the understanding that a master's in architecture is basically a continuation of undergraduate studies, only with the addition of trying to learn more up-to-date computational thingsss... booo boring. Why not learn the world view of a different group of people? I'd much rather have a new perspective on life and living before reentering the design world, than gaining the knowledge of a few more keystrokes and dying over my keyboard for more years without making a dime. Ahh, alright enough ranting. Thinking this out - maybe talking with Daria would be helpful, too. She is the closest person I would feel comfortable talking to about the realities of finding a job after pursuing such a degree, with the idea in mind that she would give me honest feedback as to whether or not real-life firms would find it a legitimate career choice. Bing! Oh beautiful lights going on in my mind.

Also, after peering into the NYU programs for a bit, I decided to take a dive on over to Harvard [yet again]. And oh booo you Harvard. Students who wish to pursue the master's program.... well no luck for you. At Harvard you have to commit your soul to finishing the Ph.D. [probably because who really needs a Ph.D. in language? I might kick myself later in life for saying this]. But really? That makes me turn away and almost run in hysterical fits of laughter. It makes no sense to me why a community of people would be so against students interested in obtaining a master's in a field of language. Oh well... I guess that rules out the iffy choice anyway. NYU it is! You are my soul's desire young school in the city. Where else might my heart lead me? I could also look into SUNY Albany... but really, I realllyyy don't want to be trapped in this area much longer. Another "whole point" to grad school is to get me away from the forever Albany-Troy-Capital Region sinkhole I've fallen into. I really want a story to tell for when I'm older. A story to tell firms when I arrive at the doorstep begging to unleash my design creativity [which I don't believe can fade at this point]. Maybe "most people" won't understand... but I don't expect them to. Can I someday say - yes I went through five years of undergraduate school in Architecture and then completed a master's in Spanish - and somehow expect to at least engender some form of amusement and jealousy in my interviewer? Well, I kind of hope so because this is a genius plan... who would want to pass this up? And if languages and/or writing/reading isn't your thing - well then I don't know think of it as going to school for finger painting - it's guna be just that awesome! Plan on being further informed in the near future. Fun and exciting Future - here I come!

http://italian.as.nyu.edu/page/graduate

- c 

since the end of work

It feels like I haven't worked in weeks... even though it's only been a weekend. Getting away from Troy for this much time is quite refreshing. The lake was beautiful on Saturday, couldn't have asked for a better summer day, and then the onslaught of rain came to us. It was great to have the whole family around as well, even Missy and her family came up which is usually not too often because of David's [architecture] work schedule. Also, love leaving behind the computer for a gran return to books and rest... unfortunately I'm drawn right to the electronic notebook machine the second it's within site in my home.

Now, what is there to look forward to... now that there is everyyything to look forward to??? Well, I'm certain these next two weeks will fly by. I still can't believe Thesis [of all things] is starting. Already though, I have plans to go pottery painting with my sis and best friends, plans of my own to revisit my gambling addiction at the track, a return to the lake for take 4 [?] this summer, annddd beacchh time in mystic with mariss! Woooo! These next 13 days better be the best ever ever everrr

- c

bad days

I've had the worst of luck the past few days, and I'm sooo afraid its just going to continue escalating. My bosses have been pretty much absent from the area for the past two weeks... at least. Usually they are in meetings or just elsewhere in general. But whatever, that's fine, the work is easy and intuitive. So I had been waiting around to let them know I had to take Bella to the vet - it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, the vet had an opening at 4:30 and I found out about it really late. So I thought what the heck? They haven't been around all day, seen one of them once all week... I will just leave a little bit early... yeaaa. Well that came back to bite me har har... this will be sooo appropriate later. Apparently one of my bosses decided to "drop by" for a once-a-week checkup, literally, just to stop in for a moment, noticed that I wasn't there... and apparently none of my coworkers said anything even though I told them all in the morning where I was going.. so noone spoke up about it and he was infuriated. So I'm driving along in 5 o'clock Albany traffic, Bella is crying and howling because she hates the car, and I get a happy happy phone call from my boss "oh hey, soo where are you?"... ah yes, and a bunch of "you-should-haves" and all else that goes along with someone who doesn't have control, realizes it, and gets mad. Sooo whatever... my dog's health is more important to me than my boss's opinions about me [I made that explicitly clear in my interviews - family ALWAYS comes first]. And the vet visit was a relief. Bella apparently just has allergies, that's why she bites her feet and itches her ears so much, good to know it wasn't fleas or any insects crawling about. Andd the evening goes by pretty well... that is until right before I'm about to go to sleep. Bella had found something under my bed and was chewing on it before I went to brush my teeth, but I thought maybe it was just one of her hairs, because she - like Whisper - likes to eat her own hair for some reason [gross!!]. So I go and brush my teeth one of the best times of the day [wooo], and go back into my room, to her still chewing on something under my bed. She looks up at me when I walked in making funny faces and chewing really awkwardly,  her tongue flying out of her mouth like she was eating peanut butter. I went over to get it out of her mouth, because who knows what it was? At this point I knew it was something she shouldn't have gotten in to, so I pry her mouth open and see nothing, but apparently she had dropped it on the ground right before I did that. Well, in a split second I see the thing on the ground and it looks like one of her nails [they are getting long], and I was mortified. So I grabbed it to stop her from chewing and then she flipped. She was a little terror, growling and biting at my hands... and she wouldn't stop. I had to grab her jaw and hold her away for her to calm down. I was so horrified. I let her get away with a lot, most of the time we basically have a mutual understanding of our space, but enjoy each other's company. She is strangely independent for a small dog, but I've always seen that as a good thing, especially because I can't be around her all the time. But this outburst was so uncalled for and just bad, bad behavior. She shouldn't be doing this to me of all people... I'm supposed to be seen as the leader. I guess this would make my decision to let her go a little bit easier, it's just sad that she has to be like that. She lets me take her food away without even the thought of nipping at me, and then turns into a fit of rage when I try to take away the tip of a colored pencil? [by the way, that's what it was a brown colored pencil tip, that looks jusst like one of her toe nails]

Sooo yes, after these uncanny and upsetting events I decided that the next few days will probably be completely horrible, which is unfortunate because it always seems like things go bad around Mary Ann's birthday : (. I guess I can only hope for the best, and just not really expect anything.... ahhh so depressingg. I can't wait until work is ooover!

- c

brandon boyd/ incubus

Another recent obsession I've had is with Incubus... I guess this is reoccurring, because they were also awesome back in high school. I was reading up on Brandon Boyd and found that he's written some books [whose original copies go for $888.00 on amazon!!!]. Yea... with a voice and mind like this guy, its not surprising that he's got a handful of followers. Buuuut, looking up his books led me to a website that sells them, now to make enough money to afford one...

www.brandonboydbooks.com 


- c


my favorite picture I've found of his sooo far:

so little time

So sad that yesterday was the last day of pub trivia. This summer has gone by wayy too fast. It's odd that in previous summers I usually wouldn't have a job until at least July... iiif that, and this summer I've been working even when school was going on. I guess it's filled my time in good ways, and helped me realize that I can be okay living away from home... even though I'm back there now. This summer has also oddly kept me from dreaming about obscure things for my future - be that good or bad, I'm not entirely sure. But a couple nights ago I found myself coming to terms with just going on to working at an architecture firm after graduation... boy did I have to pinch myself. THAT has never been in the plan. But I guess if I can be around interesting people and feed my creative desires, I should be happy - right? I'm thinking this semester will also show me alot about my future in architecture... seeing as Thesis could either make or break me [and yes, now that its this close, Thesis will always begin with a capital "T"]. Another change this summer, well besides alllll the others is that I have been reading significantly less : (. Shocking, especially to me. During the games camp I was reading every night, but that was only for 2 weeks. I used to read on the weekends... back when I was "ahead" in my GRE book - hahaha, ahead... But since the camp I think I've picked up my cogsci book, maybe once? So, soo sad. I think I also forgot how quickly my mind turns over from thinking frames in the summer - before the end of my camp I thought there was tonnss of time left to romp around and have fun, tonss of time to study, ahh yea the world was guna be mine after camp. But now I feel like its a race to end work, and then time to soak up as much as fun as I can in two small weeks? I want to go live at the lake house for a week, and then go to the beach for another week... but I'm also not so sure about staying at the lake all by myself... bears and mountain lions and rattle snakes... omg if I ran into one of them I'd die. But maybe that'll happen... who knows? Besides thatt, I just need to get down to NYU and over to Boston if there's time [and funds]. Ahhh summerrr whyyy are you sooo shooort?

- c

clayton junior

So I've found my absolutely new favorite artist! I am in love! He's from Brazil, but practices in London and his style is amazing. I'm not sure I've been this excited about anything 2d in such a loong time, but this guy is truly amazing. I can't find any books on him, and have only found very limited resources, but he does have a website. So here he is world, my artistic inspiration: Clayton Junior!!!

http://www.claytonjunior.com/

Here are few examples of my favorite pieces:

- c

late-summer checklist

Just because I'm super bored, I'm guna post again. This will be my late-summer "things to do" list. Seeing as I've sort of failed in almost everything I hadd planned to do this summer, this list shouldn't been too intimidating, seeing as who knows what'll really get done anyway. So! Here goes:

- go to the track and the lake for Mary Ann's birthday this weekend
- finish work on the 12th
- hang out at home and the lake
- visit NYU
- take GRE's? hmmmm....
- go to Mystic with Marissa
- go to the Vineyard with Sage
- move back into Troy apartment
- have a crazy awesome pre-school party [lol]
- booo begin Thesissss

Soooo little time left!

- c

shoulda been a rider

It's amazing how much easier my life has been since moving back home. I'm not sure how long I'll stay, but at least I can breathe at work now. I used to be soo bent up, just about the idea that Greg could be wandering around the apartment, doing stupid things. Now I don't give a .... yea. Wow, I really need to live alone for a little while. But it's also amazing that work ends in two weeks... TWO WEEKS. How did this happen?? The summer was soo eventful? Sort of? At least in the beginning, it was awesome with weekly trivia and footsie fridays, meeting new people and just being crazy in general. Now alottt has to happen for the summer to end in ways I'd imagined. I still haven't signed up for the GRE's... oops, or visited NYU for that matter. Also, haven't researched new computers... ooor reimaged this one in like a year. Yea, DBell's studioo really boosted my proactiveness haha.

Being home also made me realize the things I can't provide for the pup [it's amazing that I could find anything positive in suburbia...]. But I feel so guilty not being able to provide her with a lawn to run around in. The first day I brought her home my mom said to just let her loose in the backyard and see what she does... and boy did she take off. All we saw was her little rabbit-tail popping up behind the trees and bushes along the fence line. The sad thing is, I think she would have kept running if there wasn't a big wooden barrier in her way. And  if I am to keep her, I know I'd need to find a place for her to do this, to run free like she wants to. Another thing I feel guilty about is just not having the time to spend around her. When school starts I can be gone in class from 8am until 8pm... easily. And when I usually don't have time to go home for lunch, I think that can be an indicator that I will probably not be able to go home to feed Bella or take her out. Ahh. And now everyone... even my stubborn-to-like-anything-I-do sister is asking me if I'm going to adopt her. I know I would be a much better parent than most people I've seen show up at the Humane Society, but I also can already see the areas in which I would fail. Then again, at least in the fall, Sage would be around to love her and hang out with her. I'm sure Bella and Sage would be great buddies in the lonely archie house. But then Sage will be growing up and going into the real world after a semester. Would that just make Bella even more confused and sad? I really wish I could get her a kitty friend, but I'm pretty sure everyoneee else in my apartment is allergic. And a fish just won't do. Poor Bella puppy. Another thing I feel guilty about is just how much she sees me as her leader. She knows what her job is throughout the day, and she knows when to bother me to go out, to have food, when it's time to wake up. It saddens me to think she would move in with someone else and have to reestablish all of these things, especially because she is a relatively easy dog to care for, but she does have some snafus that will tick people off... I'm sure. But I just laugh, because she's difficult and confusing like me. A great situation would be if my parents wanted to adopt her. She and Whispy lovee each other... haha well, maybe not love, but they find each other very interesting. Whisp has even got a little more pep in his step since she's been around [he now jumps off the landing to make an entrance into the living room hahaha].  They also love wandering around as a little explorer herd in the back yard. Whisp follows her around and then she trails him, it's really cute. I also know my dad likes her. I think he just likes all pets, and they all love him too. My mom is the super stubborn one. I think it's the fact that she's technically my responsibility and she doesn't want to be easy on me. When I get myself into things I think my mom just expects me to figure it all out, without the intention of helping me in any way. Bella also wasn't "her find" so she doesn't want to get involved. She's the kind of person that has to be right all the time, and be the one to make every decision, if not, then she won't have anyything to do with it. She's already told me many times that I "better not" adopt her. ughhh what a difficult person.

In other news, I'm becoming a regular at the track. I went both Friday and Saturday to bet on the races haha. I also reestablished that I do have a good eye for the horses. I won't bet unless I've seen them all in the paddock, and every first bet I made at the races, both times just $1 bets, I've come out with over $6 in return. And then most of my other choices had come in second, but I usually just bet them to win. Andd then there was my complete mess up, where the one funny-looking horse in the group, beat all the others out by something like four lengths. But just sitting at my desk now I'm itching to get back there. It makes me want to ride this summer so much, and reminds me of when I was little and sooo, so severely wanted to be a jockey. Through my teen years I was certain I'd do something with horses. I almost didn't go to college for it [but I am too much of a nerd for thattt, and I love school]. But when I was 14 I was offered a job at the racetrack. A trainer in my barn... not even my own trainer, but actually the trainer of my two best friends somehow offered my a job as the hotwalker for the barn she worked for in the summer. She was an English lesson teacher, but also and exercise jockey at the track. If my parents had let me be the hotwalker for her barn, I could have gone up the ranks to become an exercise jockey as well. But of course my parents said no. Every answer they gave me in high school was a no. I guess it would have been difficult. Everyone has to be at the track at 4:30 in the morning, and then you don't leave til about 7pm. But the deal-breaker for them was all the crime and general danger of the living areas around the track... I guess a valid point since I was 14, 5'3'' and 100lbs. But I still look back and pine at the idea that it could have been me riding those horses before their races. It shocks me that people can go to the track and never even LOOK at the horses. Or all the ladies that just bet because they like the name. I know that these are the most common types of track-goers. Nothing bad about that I guess, it's just surprising that it's a sport centered around these amazing animals, and very few people even take the time to look at them. Ah, well whatever. I need to get back to riding.

- c