All of the downtime this weekend has kind of sucked. I wish there was more to do around here. It also doesn't help that it gets me to thinking wayyy too far ahead again. All I think about is how I'm pretty much expected to run to Grimshaw this summer, even though I've wanted to work on the Cape for a while. That, or Boston have really been my plans for a long time now. Not to mention, the more downtime I have at work, and especially the more I'm stuck being a cad-monkey behind the computer... the more I second-guess my career decisions in architecture... yet again. I have really started to respect anyone who has escaped sitting behind a computer screen for their profession.... I think that's my true goal [ and sort of has been for a while... cooking school, art school, writing... ].
Man, being in-between graduating college and joining the real-world is really frustrating. I think I need to realize that no matter what happens, whatever I get plunked into first... isn't the end. My first job or jobs, don't need to define my whole adult career. But it is really scary to feel as though the first place I go is the last place I'll end up, especially what it means for friendship and settling somewhere... and putting an end to learning? I really can't imagine leaving a learning environment. I think I love classes too much. I don't like being in-charge either... so I like being given assignments and tasks to complete.... I kind of think I'd make a good secretary as cliche and horrible as that would really be. Ahh, okay got the worst headache right now... can't keep doing this.
- c
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