Sunday, December 26, 2010

what dreams?

I haven't written on here in a while, but of course it's all about me thinking far too into the future. Once again I'm dreaming my way out of architecture... this time it's not escaping the bachelor's though... it's finding something new for grad school. Philosophy still intrigues me, but it's also one of those things where I'd be behind a desk most of the day... which is something I want to escape. I love being up and walking around everyday. I think that is one of the main reasons I miss Rome. Blanchard's class is definitely something I would return to... the day his class ended I remember knowing I was going to miss walking around Rome every other day. And now, with my job at Envision Architects, I'm already disappointed that we got through walking around Ellis Hospital already. There's still the Health Center and Bellevue to go, but those won't be as complex and interesting as the hospital was. It's hard work to walk for ten hours a day, but by the time the work's done I feel like I've accomplished something... rather than wasting away behind my computer in studio and eating the same old, gross paninis from Sage Cafe.

I don't know how I'll begin to explain this to Oatman and DBell. They saw me fall apart last Spring when I couldn't decide what to do for the bachelor's... I am so afraid of a bad recommendation or something about how indecisive I am, but maybe that's something that'll fit with archaeology/anthropology... the change of place, the change of topic/focus, the change of bosses with each job... it could be just what my indecisive mind needs... the requirement to move onto something new in this profession. And more so than architecture, sure you can change the project, the place, the boss, but there is something that's always the same in architecture... and maybe it's that 'sitting behind a desk' environment that doesn't budge. I've spent enough of my life behind computer screens, reading books, being lazy and sedentary...  why not have a job that gets me up and moving? I know my favorite part of this job with the firm is getting to walk around the hospital... seeing what is happening in every space, or trying to figure out what happened in all of the vacant ones. It's frightening, exciting, tiresome, and a grand adventure overall. I wonder if being on construction sites would be similar in architecture, but how often would I get to be on-site? I love the design aspect of architecture as well, but I get extremely bored diagramming behind the computer. I love the drafting, the hand-sketching, and figuring out my thoughts by sketching, but when it comes to diagramming my ideas, and doing renders.... maybe it's just because I'm not good at it - that I despise it [although not being good at something - in the past - has led me to chase after it more... an oddly it's not so in this case].

I'm so bad at writing on here - and just thinking in general today... I went out to the mall to get some gifts I was waiting to buy and couldn't form a thought at all. I found myself in my personal safehaven - Barnes & Noble... wandering around the history isles, and not getting anywhere. I needed coffee? I needed to have woken up earlier? My brain is just one big fuzzy mess today and I need to snap out of it for work tomorrow. But some other things on my mind, are what are the next steps in my life? I always find myself regulating what's going to happen to me... especially where I'm going to go, and I think Eric is a big reason for this. I missed him to death being in Italy, but now I miss Italy to death. I think it's going to be this sort of "sailor syndrome" that will rule my life forever. It's the tug of war that was played on my heart when I almost left architecture, and I think it's exactly what Mr. Hanley was talking about when he told me that my indecision was my worst quality. And it is. But maybe it is my worst quality... it's also going to be the thing that defines me, and maybe rather than fight it, I need to just work with it and let the winds lead me to wherever I need to go. I think I'm at a point in my life where I realize looking back that I should have just taken the chances I was unsure of taking, and do what I want in this moment in time. I shouldn't get caught-up planning the future because I'll never know what's coming. I need to just live in the desires I have at this moment - and if it's pursuing Anthropology, then so it is... and I'll see where life takes me from there.

In this mode of thinking, I've got to plan a little for the short-term... stuff like applying to grad schools, where to go, what to look for, when to take the gre's....

I think my next step should be getting a gre study guide, maybe plan on taking the exam over the summer 2011... I noticed Harvard has one date for graduate admissions and Anthropology is December 31st.... so by next winter I need to plan on having all of my submittals - I need to figure out who my three academic references will be, find a time/ get inspired to write my statement of interest, and talk to these departments about how I can fit-in as a serious architecture student within the field of anthro/archae.

So...

- gre study guide
- gre exam dates?

- what grad schools interest me?
- talk to grad departments/ professors
- figure out three academic references
- do I need to go through field school?

- what are all of the required submittals?
- be prepared to submit app's by early/mid- December 2011


And some intertwined business...


- Grimshaw internship summer 2011? [ nyc ]
- field school summer 2011? [ ny, ct, virginia, tennessee, italy, egypt....??? ] 
- Envision Arch. summer 2011? [ albany ]


Ahhh, life is soooo exciting [ at times... haha ].

- c

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