sailor syndrome

So I wanted to write about comparing my indecision to an ocean sailor - he can never be happy at home, on land, but when at sea he misses home like nothing else. I know it's the exact feeling I had transitioning from America to Italy, and even more strongly on my return home. I have an urge to travel, but also to know that I'll be home again soon.

I think this is one main reason I've been thinking about anthropology for my master's. I would have to travel on-and-off for my first years after graduation. I would be going on week to month-long trips in places of my interest/ places where professors and scholars would want my help. Then, after a couple weeks or a month I could go back to home base, rest and dream up a new destination to work at. It would be like a dream. And once I'm older, with years of experience out in the field, I could retire to a desk and become a professor and writer. [ yea yea yea... sounds too perfect... but seeing as I have wanted to give up everything to just become a writer - and I thought that was a dream - at least this option has a degree included and a plan... ]. Ah, okay plan is such a scary word. My "plan" for courses since I came to RPI has literally changed after every semester. I came in wanting to get a minor in geology... last semester I wanted to major in philosophy, and now I'm contemplating minoring in anthropology.... my head spins just thinking about all of the things I've wanted to do. I think for a lot of reasons it keeps me so dependent on certain people - especially Eric. People are really my anchors in life. I don't care where I am... well I do... I want to be everywhere all at once, always on the move... but it's the people that I can return to every night, or after a long journey that make me feel settled. Eric came into my life -and quickly - because he was my escape from studio [ in addition to being a great person ]. But being able to leave school and go see and talk to him at the end of everyday... to forget about stupid studio and watch dre come back drunk, or watch a movie with karl, or talk to evan... all of these small things have helped me from drowning in architecture school.

- c