something i'm learning

Every semester there comes time for a new lesson. I think it's finally come time that I've discovered my lesson for this part of my life. I think this semester is teaching me to take my time and not rush things for the sake of getting something out there. It's okay to let an idea meld in my mind for a while, to continually throw out bad, or stale ideas in search of something good. I'm learning this in Sensory Culture tonight, where I don't want to produce something mindless and unintelligent - in fear of both what Kreuger might think, as well as my fellow classmates - many of whom are a bit more well-read than me, and who are much better at at least remembering what they have previously read [seeing as I tend to remember themes and situations, but completely eradicate authors and titles from my memory]. I guess I'm also learning this lesson back on the horses again, too. I find myself not just "going for it" anymore, but collecting myself and my horse before trying to get something accomplished. Maybe this is my new "older" outlook on life - at least for my mid-life... who knows what this outlook will seem like when I'm thirty or forty. This outlook is also sort of souring my Studio experience - well maybe not souring for me... but probably for DBell who can hardly have a conversation with any of us unmotivated bags of sand. Maybe it's a result of DD, to "rush slowly"? To keep a concept rather than throw out huge chunks of it, and to develop something for what it is... whether I like it or not [that's probably the biggest lesson I took away from DD]. I know with this new project it's not entirely what I want it to be, but I like the general basis behind it and the potential for where it could go - I guess this keeps me from rushing things - I don't want to break the fragile basis from which it was conceived and I don't want to jump on ahead to new things without fully considering their implications first. Even though this is a very procrastinating view on life, I think it's a positive one. Everything is way too rushed in our lives these days, no one has time to wait anymore, but I have learned to appreciate and look forward to waiting. I love taking a shower, waiting for an idea to come to me as I waste time standing by myself. These are some of the best instances in my life, not times when I'm rushing around mindlessly on the web... hoping something will pop-out at me that's inspiring... not times spent blindly wandering around clothing stores hoping to find something that'll uplift me, change my mood, and transform all of my thoughts... none of these things work as well as stripping things down to the bare essentials [no awkward pun intended] and thinking things through at a pace appropriate to ourselves. Well, this is actually an uplifting post, and hopefully one I can return to again when I go into panic mode during the course of the week as this final approaches, or probably more likely when I'll need it during thesis.

- c