I hate RPI

RPI sucks. I know I'm not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last. This place is like a deep, black pit. They make us work like we are entering the engineering/ architecture military, they aren't understanding, no one really has time to care about anyone else. Time spent not doing work, we all feel guilty that we aren't working our butts off, and the time we devote to work [most of it] is miserable. In this place I've lost more of my dreams than gained any. I've lost a happy part of my personality for a practical one, I feel like a shade of the person I once was. I have never hated myself so much, or thought of myself as so incompetent as I do now, and for some reason I have no confidence whatsoever and suck at talking to people - all of this when I was once the smart, nerdy, helpful Key Club president. I used to help people with Chem homework, and make study guides for all the Latin exams. I was an A student [well except for a couple B's in math.. but really, who's couting?]. And where did it all go wrong? Was it in high school when I decided taking computer programming classes and stocking up on AP's was going to get me somewhere in life... when I did all of this and choose to leave my art classes. Looking back I could have saved myself a lot of stress and time if I had just stayed doing the things I loved in art and just forgot about being a productive scientist. I don't know why I chose to go that way - maybe it was my group of friends... Minority Row... most of them geniuses in their own right. I got caught up in the boys' desires to be the "best" and to excel at all "their" things - math and physics - I guess back then I was sort of competitive - well not competitive, I just wanted to keep pace with everyone around me. And now... I don't care anymore. Architecture is infinitely interesting, it can be exciting to study projects, read into them, decipher them, but is it really fun to sit in front of a computer all day and redo surfaces? redo lines? lineweights? hatches? Ahhh, I wish I knew what to do with my life. I don't know where to go from here... I have no desire to get a job with a firm... the one I'm at makes me want to fall asleep everyday, it makes realllly want to not grow up. But I have no idea what to get a Master's in... this is so depressing. And why does it seem like so many people around me are in this same position? What led us all to be here? Why do we all feel this way? I really wish it would change.

- c