Ahhh, walking around RPI. It puts me so on edge. Just approaching the Greene Building makes me start to get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach - the library, the place I should love the most is nerve-wreaking because I never know who will walk in. Even professors I should be happy to see - like DBell makes me nervous - I won't know what to say, I'll go back to feeling dumb and worthless... just the anxiety of seeing these people is such a bad thing. Eric looks forward to school. He's working under one of his professors as a master's student and this guy is already giving him job offers. I always thought that architecture professors and 'us' students were supposed to be really close. That they are some of the most accessible professors on campus. I mean at this point I have to believe it's something about myself that turns them away from me - maybe it's that I didn't go out enough in Italy or I'm not artsy enough for Oatman.... ? I just wish I could have that one 'go to' professor that I could trust to help me out in the future. I feel like that could have been DBell until last semester when I broke down in his office at the end of the year. I was so heartbroken, upset, confused I didn't want to have anything more to do with architecture and saying this to him made me feel so worthless. He's like the crown prince of the school of architecture (that would be I guess if the dean were 'king'... which now he definitely is not, but Balfour was...), so how do you tell the crown prince you just don't belong in the kingdom and it makes you sad to be there? Okay, that was taken a bit far, but it's comparable.
So, I went to the Greene Building today... as mentioned... huge knot in my stomach, ensuing headache, sweating, nervous... and decided to looked around the library for some architectural inspiration. Lately, I've been so disinterested in everything I've seen. There's not much that sparks my imagination and this worries me seeing as I need to be wooed by a single building for an entire semester. I flipped through a couple nice magazines but all there is these days are spiraling whirlygigs or super boxy white things or a complete and utter mess of shapes all crumpled together. It's like information overload in architecture these days.
Rich was comparing it to the current car market - how they press for a million different mini concepts and expect this great animal to emerge, but instead it just falls short in all the categories it was supposed to excel, not to mention all the cars are just huge, bulky bubble-vehicles now. And I guess the same can be said for architecture - it's all just an up and down and all around mess. The architectural 'language' has completely degenerated, and even in school they are breeding young archies who hide whatever knowledge they harbor. Noone shares anymore in this architectural cult. This should be a flourishing culture a group of people apart from the world but in-tune with one another, not a jaded underground game...
Ah, alright I need to work on the whole angst-towards-architecture thing it's really killing me and noone cares haha. Either I'm guna like this thing or not, and that decision has to come along pretty soon.
- c
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
summer eternal
I started this blog last winter break. Back then it was called 'Oh joy... in Troy' - thoroughly enthused to be going back then, too, huh? Well, I'm not ready to give up my current title. I love being trapped in summer, and being trapped in the fall would be fine too, only for me it'll be trapped in architecture, which isn't as fun.
When I was younger fall and winter were my favorite seasons. I've always loved Halloween. All of the leaves, the pumpkin-y smelling candels and soaps that my mom buys, and just the general feeling that everything is changing at every moment of the day. Sure, this happens in the summer, too, but you don't see leaves falling to show the time passing by. I think I used to love the fall because I liked going back to school. I have always previously looked forward to it. I remember in high school thinking that I could be a lifelong student, by now those thoughts have changed. It's going to be really hard for me to see everyone in my grade at rpi finally escaping. I really wish right now architecture was four years also, I mean in one semester we go through more stress and all-nighters than everyone else in the school goes through over their whole time at rpi.
I remember Saunder's semester sophomore year - I thought that getting one hour of sleep a night during the week was pretty good... no wonder all-nighters now hurt me so much. I guess there are downsides to being an archie during the spring semester as well, I've always wanted to be in the breast cancer walk that everyone at school goes to. I've wanted to walk around or sit out for a day in the spring weather, but there's absolutely no time for a breather in this major. I understand that architects live outside of culture, which is a good thing it forces architecture to not fall to fads, or passing trends, but living so far out of culture that we ruin our bodies is not fair.
I want to go apple picking with my family in the fall. I want to go to my uncle's wedding. I want to relax and maybe even look at grad schools during Thanksgiving break. I want to go to interviews at firms that I'm interested in. All of these things - right now and overall - are more important to me than architecture, but somehow when I'm consumed in the work I lose sight of what really matters. I've been thinking lately - as horrible as this might sound - that one way for me to really succeed this semester is to just not take myself so seriously as an architect. The more I think I deserve the attention and respect of being a good student, the more I'm going to expect it from the professors and my classmates. I just have to keep strong in my real interests like yoga, horseback riding, and keep my 'eye on the prize' just graduating and joining a historic preservation team.
The more I can follow what I like and work steadily every day, and the more I don't care what the professors do/say/think about me I think the easier it will be to get by this semester. I know that I must have some level of respect... I don't believe DBell would let me TA for him so many times without having some sort of confidence in me. I also don't think Demitrios would email me back so many times about working for him, too, unless he really felt like he would hire me. Sometimes I can convince myself that people are just doing these things out of courtesy, but I think for these few times I can give myself a pat on the back and believe that they do like me. I know as far as having an 'in' with these archie professors, I need to be more social and outgoing, like more willing to go out to the bars and not rush back to go to sleep or hang out with Eric. I should have done this when I was in Italy, but my homesickness hits me hard and I always want to go back. Well, these are my thoughts for now. Thoughts as the weather is changing and I have to build up a big old shell to protect myself for the onslaught that will be this semester.
- c
When I was younger fall and winter were my favorite seasons. I've always loved Halloween. All of the leaves, the pumpkin-y smelling candels and soaps that my mom buys, and just the general feeling that everything is changing at every moment of the day. Sure, this happens in the summer, too, but you don't see leaves falling to show the time passing by. I think I used to love the fall because I liked going back to school. I have always previously looked forward to it. I remember in high school thinking that I could be a lifelong student, by now those thoughts have changed. It's going to be really hard for me to see everyone in my grade at rpi finally escaping. I really wish right now architecture was four years also, I mean in one semester we go through more stress and all-nighters than everyone else in the school goes through over their whole time at rpi.
I remember Saunder's semester sophomore year - I thought that getting one hour of sleep a night during the week was pretty good... no wonder all-nighters now hurt me so much. I guess there are downsides to being an archie during the spring semester as well, I've always wanted to be in the breast cancer walk that everyone at school goes to. I've wanted to walk around or sit out for a day in the spring weather, but there's absolutely no time for a breather in this major. I understand that architects live outside of culture, which is a good thing it forces architecture to not fall to fads, or passing trends, but living so far out of culture that we ruin our bodies is not fair.
I want to go apple picking with my family in the fall. I want to go to my uncle's wedding. I want to relax and maybe even look at grad schools during Thanksgiving break. I want to go to interviews at firms that I'm interested in. All of these things - right now and overall - are more important to me than architecture, but somehow when I'm consumed in the work I lose sight of what really matters. I've been thinking lately - as horrible as this might sound - that one way for me to really succeed this semester is to just not take myself so seriously as an architect. The more I think I deserve the attention and respect of being a good student, the more I'm going to expect it from the professors and my classmates. I just have to keep strong in my real interests like yoga, horseback riding, and keep my 'eye on the prize' just graduating and joining a historic preservation team.
The more I can follow what I like and work steadily every day, and the more I don't care what the professors do/say/think about me I think the easier it will be to get by this semester. I know that I must have some level of respect... I don't believe DBell would let me TA for him so many times without having some sort of confidence in me. I also don't think Demitrios would email me back so many times about working for him, too, unless he really felt like he would hire me. Sometimes I can convince myself that people are just doing these things out of courtesy, but I think for these few times I can give myself a pat on the back and believe that they do like me. I know as far as having an 'in' with these archie professors, I need to be more social and outgoing, like more willing to go out to the bars and not rush back to go to sleep or hang out with Eric. I should have done this when I was in Italy, but my homesickness hits me hard and I always want to go back. Well, these are my thoughts for now. Thoughts as the weather is changing and I have to build up a big old shell to protect myself for the onslaught that will be this semester.
- c
Monday, August 23, 2010
sculptures that cut deep
This first sculpture is by Bernini and it angers me and makes me sad the most of almost any piece of artwork I've seen:
Here's a detail:
This next one is called the Veiled Vestal Virgin, I've not seen it in real-life, but I'd love to:
I wish I could have found a better one of the fisherman's net... that one in real life made me stop for a good ten minutes and just stare at the beauty of that net. Not to mention the sculpture itself is so playful and full of emotion, it really captures a unique moment. And all of the veiled sculptures. There's just something behind that thin layer of marble and lace that makes the face beyond it all the more dead and untouchable... but this too, at the same time, makes the face behind the veil have a surreal life within it. There's something with that sheer threshold that burns a fire of life deep within those pieces. And the Persephone statue made me so mad the first time I saw it. It was not fair that the young Persephone was stolen from her mother to live and be loved by Hades. This was certainly not the Beauty and the Beast story, it was absolutely uprooting and horrible, I could barely look at her pained face, and to see his greedy hands pulling her down, it made me want to go up and pull the whole marble apart by hand. I couldn't understand why everyone else was so nonchalant about the goings-on of this piece, how could they allow it? It pained me so much. I wanted to cry. I guess it was this progression of emotions that has drawn other people so close to this work, it really carves away deep at your heart.
- c
Here's a detail:
This next one is called the Veiled Vestal Virgin, I've not seen it in real-life, but I'd love to:
These final few are from the San Severo chapel in Napoli - my favorite city in the South:
I wish I could have found a better one of the fisherman's net... that one in real life made me stop for a good ten minutes and just stare at the beauty of that net. Not to mention the sculpture itself is so playful and full of emotion, it really captures a unique moment. And all of the veiled sculptures. There's just something behind that thin layer of marble and lace that makes the face beyond it all the more dead and untouchable... but this too, at the same time, makes the face behind the veil have a surreal life within it. There's something with that sheer threshold that burns a fire of life deep within those pieces. And the Persephone statue made me so mad the first time I saw it. It was not fair that the young Persephone was stolen from her mother to live and be loved by Hades. This was certainly not the Beauty and the Beast story, it was absolutely uprooting and horrible, I could barely look at her pained face, and to see his greedy hands pulling her down, it made me want to go up and pull the whole marble apart by hand. I couldn't understand why everyone else was so nonchalant about the goings-on of this piece, how could they allow it? It pained me so much. I wanted to cry. I guess it was this progression of emotions that has drawn other people so close to this work, it really carves away deep at your heart.
- c
let me enjoy summer!
Already we are getting emails from the archie professors... what a bunch of jerks. Don't they understand they'll have their time to bust our asses once the semester starts? I really, absolutely hate this bullshit sending us things to do while we're still on break. I really wish the boys in my class had decided to go away to som in new york city this semester. Even though I think I would have really liked the things they study there, I can't stand being in their classes for another semester. They are the pride and joy of my class and while it should be good to be near them/ 'learning' from them in class it just becomes a stressful hassel, and it wears away at the little self esteem I have left. I really wish they were not in my DD. It'll be hard enough to get through this intensive course, but it'll be just the same obstacles as last semester with them in it too - always being the idols of my professors, the kids they wish they still were. I know it'll be no different this semester, especially with Jefferson teaching DD, too... I'm pretty sure he wants to be Steve.
As for some good news, I'm back to my dreaming about grad school. I've been looking at Boston now, just incase the whole England thing doesn't come to fruition. I'd like to visit Harvard, BU, MIT, and Tufts to see what they really have going on, and also to talk to people in Anthropology/ Archaeology and maybe see what good an architecture student could add to their department... what I could do with the architecture on site (even though my mom thinks I just want to go on a dig and not take the profession seriously... but who knows? maybe that is all I'll end up wanting to get involved in). I think it's a good sign again that only a few days after getting back from Martha's Vineyard and already I want to travel again. Of course at the moment it's wanting to be back on the vineyard, or go to Boston, something like Italy, Ireland, or Egypt wouldn't be too shabby either. I would only fear that beginning a lifestyle full of travel would make me very sad when it came time to finally settle down. I wouldn't want to hurt the people I love, because I don't like being in one place for too long, but even in my everyday life I'm constantly a nomad. Every semester I've had my apartment, the Greene Building, Eric's apartment, the Yellow House, the Skank... all these different friends' places in addition to school and home and the need to travel. There's some insatiable pull for me to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.
In Italy I savored the day. Being able to wander around this new place that never ceased to interest and surprise me - it was exhilarating. I loved not being in America and being a stranger to all of the wonderful Italian people. It was only at night that I would get sad and lonely. That will probably forever be the paradox of my life. The need to travel and get away, and the equal need to return home to someone familiar who makes me happy... these two things will probably not be completely satisfied if I take up a nomadic profession.
So, what else for today? Some things that I want to do before summer is over... and how did it happen this fast?! I feel like it was just the end of May when I finally decided to drive home and no longer put up with the ongoing bullshit Studio that was spilling over into my summer time. It wasn't that long ago I had a great time being a summer counselor in the hot hot heat of July, walking students back and forth over the barren, welcomingly empty campus. Time when I was sitting outside, gathering my tan without worrying about this fast approaching 'end'. I think I understand now why most degrees are four years long, I'm ready to drop my bags now and just start a job already, no more of this professor bull, or all-nighters spent debating what a rear entrance-way will look like. I'm ready to get out there and experiment, especially since my major does not allow for this at all. And those things I'd like to do... I still haven't been to yoga yet, but I'd like to find a place to maybe join for the semester, something new and relaxing that I know can pull me out of any rut, or bad state of mind. I also want to play hockey again before I have to wait for the season. Going to the Culinary Institute for dinner is also on this list, but in this short week I'm not sure where it will fit in. I was also hoping to have my eye exam sometime before school starts, because I know fair-well that I won't want to take time to go over there once this semester ensues.
Well, this is all for now I suppose. There's only so much moaning about school and dreaming of the future that I can draw out of myself everyday.
Great Hypostyle Hall - Karnak
Hypostyle Hall - Karnak, again
- c
As for some good news, I'm back to my dreaming about grad school. I've been looking at Boston now, just incase the whole England thing doesn't come to fruition. I'd like to visit Harvard, BU, MIT, and Tufts to see what they really have going on, and also to talk to people in Anthropology/ Archaeology and maybe see what good an architecture student could add to their department... what I could do with the architecture on site (even though my mom thinks I just want to go on a dig and not take the profession seriously... but who knows? maybe that is all I'll end up wanting to get involved in). I think it's a good sign again that only a few days after getting back from Martha's Vineyard and already I want to travel again. Of course at the moment it's wanting to be back on the vineyard, or go to Boston, something like Italy, Ireland, or Egypt wouldn't be too shabby either. I would only fear that beginning a lifestyle full of travel would make me very sad when it came time to finally settle down. I wouldn't want to hurt the people I love, because I don't like being in one place for too long, but even in my everyday life I'm constantly a nomad. Every semester I've had my apartment, the Greene Building, Eric's apartment, the Yellow House, the Skank... all these different friends' places in addition to school and home and the need to travel. There's some insatiable pull for me to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.
In Italy I savored the day. Being able to wander around this new place that never ceased to interest and surprise me - it was exhilarating. I loved not being in America and being a stranger to all of the wonderful Italian people. It was only at night that I would get sad and lonely. That will probably forever be the paradox of my life. The need to travel and get away, and the equal need to return home to someone familiar who makes me happy... these two things will probably not be completely satisfied if I take up a nomadic profession.
So, what else for today? Some things that I want to do before summer is over... and how did it happen this fast?! I feel like it was just the end of May when I finally decided to drive home and no longer put up with the ongoing bullshit Studio that was spilling over into my summer time. It wasn't that long ago I had a great time being a summer counselor in the hot hot heat of July, walking students back and forth over the barren, welcomingly empty campus. Time when I was sitting outside, gathering my tan without worrying about this fast approaching 'end'. I think I understand now why most degrees are four years long, I'm ready to drop my bags now and just start a job already, no more of this professor bull, or all-nighters spent debating what a rear entrance-way will look like. I'm ready to get out there and experiment, especially since my major does not allow for this at all. And those things I'd like to do... I still haven't been to yoga yet, but I'd like to find a place to maybe join for the semester, something new and relaxing that I know can pull me out of any rut, or bad state of mind. I also want to play hockey again before I have to wait for the season. Going to the Culinary Institute for dinner is also on this list, but in this short week I'm not sure where it will fit in. I was also hoping to have my eye exam sometime before school starts, because I know fair-well that I won't want to take time to go over there once this semester ensues.
Well, this is all for now I suppose. There's only so much moaning about school and dreaming of the future that I can draw out of myself everyday.
Great Hypostyle Hall - Karnak
Hypostyle Hall - Karnak, again
- c
cold feet
As boring as it gets here, I still want this more than to go back to school. I can't help but keep thinking about how much my life is going to change, even after only the first day. I remember returning to classes after getting back from Rome... writing on the blog - I couldn't even image then how horrible a semester was to come. I think that people don't understand a lot of the time. Sure I get good grades and I do fine with my gpa, etc but my happiness and stress are at unbelievable levels after the first few all-nighters. I'm also nervous again about partner work. I'm sure James and I will respect each other well enough - or at least I hope that can last for a while... I really don't want to get into a bad place working with one person for an entire semester. Ahh, I don't know what else to write for now. My mind has been trapped in a state of dread, thinking about going back to school. I'm not ready to see all the professors again or go to class from 8am to 8pm - yea that's my schedule for Wednesdays... I just hope that DD is a lot like Enclosures I wouldn't mind figuring out details and wall sections all semster long. I'm also caught-up worrying about not having a job. I know that next summer I'm going to need a good job, but I can only hope to find a place early and to still have some affection for architecture by that point. I know that part of the reason I couldn't get a job this summer was because I was too focused on studio, as opposed to finding a job, and by the end of it all I didn't want to have anything to do with architecture.
I guess I could just try to fill my time with things I enjoy. Things that pull me away from architecture, so that when I have to focus on it I'm really putting my whole heart in and not just doing it out of a begrudging habit. I'd like to do yoga... but school yoga conflicts with studio (what else is new having a four hour class three times a week...?), maybe joining the equestrian team again would be good - I'd only be nervous about the new coach wanting me to go to shows. I know that the whole show thing is draining and all about who you know, it's not always judged on how good you really are and that would just add stress to the whole studio environment which kind of works in the same way. I'd like to spend time in my new apartment. Elsie just told me today she wants to keep her futon in my room, which would be a comfy place to do work. I also want to have a big desk and comfy chair so I don't have to be in studio all of the time. I can't wait to have my own room again, a big bed, and a big room compared to last semester... I'll probably be getting spoiled living at the yellow house.
Oh, here's an excerpt from the archaeology book that I started reading last night, I like this guy's voice a lot he sounds like quite the character:
" This is a scavenger's scrapbook, written by a layman who has rummaged inquisitively in the crowded attic of the human past. "
Sounds like fun to me!
I guess I could just try to fill my time with things I enjoy. Things that pull me away from architecture, so that when I have to focus on it I'm really putting my whole heart in and not just doing it out of a begrudging habit. I'd like to do yoga... but school yoga conflicts with studio (what else is new having a four hour class three times a week...?), maybe joining the equestrian team again would be good - I'd only be nervous about the new coach wanting me to go to shows. I know that the whole show thing is draining and all about who you know, it's not always judged on how good you really are and that would just add stress to the whole studio environment which kind of works in the same way. I'd like to spend time in my new apartment. Elsie just told me today she wants to keep her futon in my room, which would be a comfy place to do work. I also want to have a big desk and comfy chair so I don't have to be in studio all of the time. I can't wait to have my own room again, a big bed, and a big room compared to last semester... I'll probably be getting spoiled living at the yellow house.
Oh, here's an excerpt from the archaeology book that I started reading last night, I like this guy's voice a lot he sounds like quite the character:
" This is a scavenger's scrapbook, written by a layman who has rummaged inquisitively in the crowded attic of the human past. "
Sounds like fun to me!
- c
Sunday, August 22, 2010
ariel
I just came upon some of the best news of my life. It was back to personality testing for me... seeing as this has becoming a boredom pasttime and whaddyou know? I have the same personality type as the little mermaid! No wonder I liked her so much... especially her secrect collection of human things (archaeology, cough cough). I also read a pretty interesting little excerpt that sounds a lot like me:
" Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it. "
This was also pretty accurate:
" ENFPs have what some call a 'silly switch'. They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the 'switch' is flipped. "
Okay, well that's all for now I just had to add these because they are so accurate they are funny.
- c
" Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it. "
This was also pretty accurate:
" ENFPs have what some call a 'silly switch'. They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the 'switch' is flipped. "
Okay, well that's all for now I just had to add these because they are so accurate they are funny.
- c
books and changes
Getting back to home felt good the first day, but now it's just back to the same old routine. I've got my collection of books that travels with me from room to room, and it's raining outside. Went shopping at the mall with my mom and sister, well actually went shopping all over the place with them today. First we went to Wits End which on the outside looks like a completely unassuming gift shop. When you enter the place though, it's like mom mania. There were well over one hundred moms there carousing around with their teen/ twenty-year old daughters or younger, still-being-appeased-moms dragging their young husbands around looking at expensive Pandora bracelet jewelry. Of course my mom likes to fit herself into both of these categories so we first went into the Vera Bradley madness and listened to one mom ask her daughter if she wanted basically one of everything in the whole selection... yea, and this Vera Bradley section is big enough to be a store in itself. Then it was on to the jewelry area with women whose faces were planted onto the glass. This section, too, is quite spacious and my mom had her good half hour of deliberation at the glass counters. I have to admit I walked away with a V.B. eye glasses case, but it's something that I can say is 'needed' cuz mine is falling apart. Mom got two Pandora charms and two wallets from V.B.'s husband's collection.
But enough about the shopping... it was interesting to me yesterday when I walked by my mom and said just off-hand how unexcited I am to go back to school. Normally she'd yell at me or tell me to stop saying things like 'that' abot not wanting to go back, but this time she just said 'well maybe you need to decide what you really want to do'. As if that's not mixed signals... when I told her I was signed up for classes in a new major she sort of flipped out. I guess I need to just go in this semester and see if I can do it again... see if I don't die from all the all-nighters, stress, embarassment, sadness, loneliness. I guess it's good Marissa is finally back for DD cuz I'm not sure I could make it through this class on my own. I'm really happy to be moving into the Yellow House, too. I'll be a short walk away from campus which means no driving on no sleep, and no risk of driving into other cars when it's super snowy out. I'm also not looking forward to having to wake James up everyday to come to Studio, but I guess for now I can only hope for the best. I know he'll be a good help with all of the computer work.
I still can't believe school is only a week away, or how much my mind has changed through the summer. This always happen. I begin every summer completely disillusioned and hurt from architecture and exit every vacation ready to go back and kill myself over it again... is this an addiciton? I hope I can get a job, too, maybe it'll force me to plant my mind in a real-world setting, even though I love Ta'ing it still never got me out of RPI, not even out of architecture.
One really positive thing about shopping today - that the show I'm watching on tv is reminding me of - was walking through the Pottery Barn with my mom. I can't wait to get my own place and furnish it and have my own plates and corner desk. I will most definitely be putting bookshelves throughout all my hallways and still have a library full of books, as well. It felt so strange to walk through the place with her though, feeling like I'm finally getting to be old that I can walk through a furniture place with her and comment about the things I like and she's there telling me about what I could 'get for my place', one day in the future, of course. I wonder where I'll end up, and what I'll be doing.
- c
p.s. I also wanted to include my current reading list seeing as I haven't provided a book update lately. So here they are:
I couldn't find an image of the last book I've got in the traveling collection right now, but it's called 'The Pleasure of Archaeology' by Karl E. Meyer - it's looking like a real good read.
- c
But enough about the shopping... it was interesting to me yesterday when I walked by my mom and said just off-hand how unexcited I am to go back to school. Normally she'd yell at me or tell me to stop saying things like 'that' abot not wanting to go back, but this time she just said 'well maybe you need to decide what you really want to do'. As if that's not mixed signals... when I told her I was signed up for classes in a new major she sort of flipped out. I guess I need to just go in this semester and see if I can do it again... see if I don't die from all the all-nighters, stress, embarassment, sadness, loneliness. I guess it's good Marissa is finally back for DD cuz I'm not sure I could make it through this class on my own. I'm really happy to be moving into the Yellow House, too. I'll be a short walk away from campus which means no driving on no sleep, and no risk of driving into other cars when it's super snowy out. I'm also not looking forward to having to wake James up everyday to come to Studio, but I guess for now I can only hope for the best. I know he'll be a good help with all of the computer work.
I still can't believe school is only a week away, or how much my mind has changed through the summer. This always happen. I begin every summer completely disillusioned and hurt from architecture and exit every vacation ready to go back and kill myself over it again... is this an addiciton? I hope I can get a job, too, maybe it'll force me to plant my mind in a real-world setting, even though I love Ta'ing it still never got me out of RPI, not even out of architecture.
One really positive thing about shopping today - that the show I'm watching on tv is reminding me of - was walking through the Pottery Barn with my mom. I can't wait to get my own place and furnish it and have my own plates and corner desk. I will most definitely be putting bookshelves throughout all my hallways and still have a library full of books, as well. It felt so strange to walk through the place with her though, feeling like I'm finally getting to be old that I can walk through a furniture place with her and comment about the things I like and she's there telling me about what I could 'get for my place', one day in the future, of course. I wonder where I'll end up, and what I'll be doing.
- c
p.s. I also wanted to include my current reading list seeing as I haven't provided a book update lately. So here they are:
- c
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