All of the downtime this weekend has kind of sucked. I wish there was more to do around here. It also doesn't help that it gets me to thinking wayyy too far ahead again. All I think about is how I'm pretty much expected to run to Grimshaw this summer, even though I've wanted to work on the Cape for a while. That, or Boston have really been my plans for a long time now. Not to mention, the more downtime I have at work, and especially the more I'm stuck being a cad-monkey behind the computer... the more I second-guess my career decisions in architecture... yet again. I have really started to respect anyone who has escaped sitting behind a computer screen for their profession.... I think that's my true goal [ and sort of has been for a while... cooking school, art school, writing... ].
Man, being in-between graduating college and joining the real-world is really frustrating. I think I need to realize that no matter what happens, whatever I get plunked into first... isn't the end. My first job or jobs, don't need to define my whole adult career. But it is really scary to feel as though the first place I go is the last place I'll end up, especially what it means for friendship and settling somewhere... and putting an end to learning? I really can't imagine leaving a learning environment. I think I love classes too much. I don't like being in-charge either... so I like being given assignments and tasks to complete.... I kind of think I'd make a good secretary as cliche and horrible as that would really be. Ahh, okay got the worst headache right now... can't keep doing this.
- c
Sunday, January 2, 2011
nonesense to welcome 2011
Well, I can't believe there's only three more weeks until break is over, I feel like I've hardly caught my breath.... which is probably just because work has been so tiring.... but I guess it's better than sitting on my couch every day being bored and unmotivated to do work. This exhausting winter of work is also making me think again about taking 21 credits next semester. I kind of want to drop Ivan's elective the more I keep thinking about it. I mean I loved Structures II, but he also killed us by giving tonsss of work at the end of the semester... and I feel like he has a tendency to do that. The benefit of taking that class would mean I could take fewer credits during my thesis semesters... which is probably the smarter choice, especially because I'll have to take Cities/Lands and Case Studies then, too.
Ahh, and I'm watching a show about Hawaii now... it makes me want to return to summer sooo much. Martha's Vineyard was like the best dream. Being there during Illumination and going to the beach every day ... I really don't think there could have been anything better. All semester long I kept thinking about how little time it had been since I was there... the semester went by so fast it made it feel as though we had been at the vineyard only a few weeks before any given day.
Now, I have to look forward to taking another unpredictable vertical studio and only hope that I'll have time to join the equestrian team again. I really hope this vertical isn't as stressful as the Oatman one, but I also like being in a studio with people I'm friends with... no matter how annoying it gets, or how poorly-run it is. Then, I'll be in cultural anthropology and sensory culture... which I'm hoping will be my fun [easy?] classes... kind of like writing and philosophy from last spring. And the spring always goes by twice as fast as the fall... and within that quick run of time I'll have to decide quickly what I'll be doing over the summer. I've got Envision looming over my head at this point, as well as Grimshaw waiting in the background, and then there's field school which is a far-off option at this point, but something that could come right to the forefront depending on how the semester goes and what my plans for grad school may become.
And then there's this portfolio that should be happening right now... well not even 'happening' it should actually be done... and it's not even really started. I think I keep putting it off because I hate how few graphic talents I have. It'll probably end up being pretty bland and ugly compared to most archies... just because I don't know as much photoshop and illustrator as I should. I really thought second year that I was doing good with those programs... even ahead of most people, but I seem to have fallen behind at this point which is disappointing to know. But I guess this is enough of complaining and wondering and procrastinating. I should be reading, portfolio-ing, or sleeping if anything.
- c
Ahh, and I'm watching a show about Hawaii now... it makes me want to return to summer sooo much. Martha's Vineyard was like the best dream. Being there during Illumination and going to the beach every day ... I really don't think there could have been anything better. All semester long I kept thinking about how little time it had been since I was there... the semester went by so fast it made it feel as though we had been at the vineyard only a few weeks before any given day.
Now, I have to look forward to taking another unpredictable vertical studio and only hope that I'll have time to join the equestrian team again. I really hope this vertical isn't as stressful as the Oatman one, but I also like being in a studio with people I'm friends with... no matter how annoying it gets, or how poorly-run it is. Then, I'll be in cultural anthropology and sensory culture... which I'm hoping will be my fun [easy?] classes... kind of like writing and philosophy from last spring. And the spring always goes by twice as fast as the fall... and within that quick run of time I'll have to decide quickly what I'll be doing over the summer. I've got Envision looming over my head at this point, as well as Grimshaw waiting in the background, and then there's field school which is a far-off option at this point, but something that could come right to the forefront depending on how the semester goes and what my plans for grad school may become.
And then there's this portfolio that should be happening right now... well not even 'happening' it should actually be done... and it's not even really started. I think I keep putting it off because I hate how few graphic talents I have. It'll probably end up being pretty bland and ugly compared to most archies... just because I don't know as much photoshop and illustrator as I should. I really thought second year that I was doing good with those programs... even ahead of most people, but I seem to have fallen behind at this point which is disappointing to know. But I guess this is enough of complaining and wondering and procrastinating. I should be reading, portfolio-ing, or sleeping if anything.
- c
new additions to the library... of course
Soo, with Christmas comes the many new books I've gotten... guna record them here, just for fun/ I'm bored/ I'm putting off making my portfolio that was supposed to be done yesterday... ha.
From my parents:
The Architecture of Paul Rudolph by Molohy-Nagy [ still on its way in the mail... ]
Venice | The City and its Architecture by Richard Goy
From Eric & [second one] From Eric's parents:
Zaha's Complete Works
Universal Principles of Design
Aaaand two books I bought for myself while waiting for Eric to meet me at Colonie on Thursday...
[ well one of them I can't get an image for... but it's Social and Cultural Anthropology... ]
The Secret Lives of Buildings by Edward Hollis
Soooo, yes.... in the past week I have easily acquired six new books. I had already taken home four books from the arch. library, I'm currently borrowing one about Ellis Hospital from the firm, anddd have a bookshelf literally overflowing with books and sketchbooks that don't fit. [and I got a new calendar which I'm just going to throw-in there as a 'book', too, seeing as they're sold at all the bookstores]. And I guess it shows - playing 'Would You Rather' last night with my sister and Eric, there was a prompt that asked "would you rather: be on a deserted island with an endless supply of books - or - have knife?" Well.... everyone else wanted the knife... I think it's pretty obvious what I would have chosen, stupid choice or not... at least I'd be very happy.
- c
.... I wonder how many new books I've bought since the time I started this blog a year ago... hahah
From my parents:
The Architecture of Paul Rudolph by Molohy-Nagy [ still on its way in the mail... ]
Venice | The City and its Architecture by Richard Goy
From Eric & [second one] From Eric's parents:
Zaha's Complete Works
Universal Principles of Design
Aaaand two books I bought for myself while waiting for Eric to meet me at Colonie on Thursday...
[ well one of them I can't get an image for... but it's Social and Cultural Anthropology... ]
The Secret Lives of Buildings by Edward Hollis
Soooo, yes.... in the past week I have easily acquired six new books. I had already taken home four books from the arch. library, I'm currently borrowing one about Ellis Hospital from the firm, anddd have a bookshelf literally overflowing with books and sketchbooks that don't fit. [and I got a new calendar which I'm just going to throw-in there as a 'book', too, seeing as they're sold at all the bookstores]. And I guess it shows - playing 'Would You Rather' last night with my sister and Eric, there was a prompt that asked "would you rather: be on a deserted island with an endless supply of books - or - have knife?" Well.... everyone else wanted the knife... I think it's pretty obvious what I would have chosen, stupid choice or not... at least I'd be very happy.
- c
.... I wonder how many new books I've bought since the time I started this blog a year ago... hahah
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
sailor syndrome
So I wanted to write about comparing my indecision to an ocean sailor - he can never be happy at home, on land, but when at sea he misses home like nothing else. I know it's the exact feeling I had transitioning from America to Italy, and even more strongly on my return home. I have an urge to travel, but also to know that I'll be home again soon.
I think this is one main reason I've been thinking about anthropology for my master's. I would have to travel on-and-off for my first years after graduation. I would be going on week to month-long trips in places of my interest/ places where professors and scholars would want my help. Then, after a couple weeks or a month I could go back to home base, rest and dream up a new destination to work at. It would be like a dream. And once I'm older, with years of experience out in the field, I could retire to a desk and become a professor and writer. [ yea yea yea... sounds too perfect... but seeing as I have wanted to give up everything to just become a writer - and I thought that was a dream - at least this option has a degree included and a plan... ]. Ah, okay plan is such a scary word. My "plan" for courses since I came to RPI has literally changed after every semester. I came in wanting to get a minor in geology... last semester I wanted to major in philosophy, and now I'm contemplating minoring in anthropology.... my head spins just thinking about all of the things I've wanted to do. I think for a lot of reasons it keeps me so dependent on certain people - especially Eric. People are really my anchors in life. I don't care where I am... well I do... I want to be everywhere all at once, always on the move... but it's the people that I can return to every night, or after a long journey that make me feel settled. Eric came into my life -and quickly - because he was my escape from studio [ in addition to being a great person ]. But being able to leave school and go see and talk to him at the end of everyday... to forget about stupid studio and watch dre come back drunk, or watch a movie with karl, or talk to evan... all of these small things have helped me from drowning in architecture school.
- c
I think this is one main reason I've been thinking about anthropology for my master's. I would have to travel on-and-off for my first years after graduation. I would be going on week to month-long trips in places of my interest/ places where professors and scholars would want my help. Then, after a couple weeks or a month I could go back to home base, rest and dream up a new destination to work at. It would be like a dream. And once I'm older, with years of experience out in the field, I could retire to a desk and become a professor and writer. [ yea yea yea... sounds too perfect... but seeing as I have wanted to give up everything to just become a writer - and I thought that was a dream - at least this option has a degree included and a plan... ]. Ah, okay plan is such a scary word. My "plan" for courses since I came to RPI has literally changed after every semester. I came in wanting to get a minor in geology... last semester I wanted to major in philosophy, and now I'm contemplating minoring in anthropology.... my head spins just thinking about all of the things I've wanted to do. I think for a lot of reasons it keeps me so dependent on certain people - especially Eric. People are really my anchors in life. I don't care where I am... well I do... I want to be everywhere all at once, always on the move... but it's the people that I can return to every night, or after a long journey that make me feel settled. Eric came into my life -and quickly - because he was my escape from studio [ in addition to being a great person ]. But being able to leave school and go see and talk to him at the end of everyday... to forget about stupid studio and watch dre come back drunk, or watch a movie with karl, or talk to evan... all of these small things have helped me from drowning in architecture school.
- c
Monday, December 27, 2010
i want to get out of albany...
Today couldn't have started off better, or ended up worse. It snowed like a blizzard all last night and when I woke up at 6.30 I kneeww I wasn't going to be rushing out into the snow to get to work early... [ I just love it when there's an excuse for me to take my time ]. So I stayed in bed and didn't get up til 7.45, which felt like a whole other night's rest. On the way to work I even stopped to get Starbucks along the way... [ hey, the snow could have been like 5 more inches then it really was... and I could have gotten stuck along the way... any excuse would suffice to get myself a Starbucks ].
Then, upon showing up at work I realized there was hardly anyone in. It was literally all of the interns/ younger people, Karen the lady at our front desk, and two older guys [who somehow missed the older-people-are-smart-and-stay-home memo]. Sooo, I slowly got to work... there was a lot of talking between me and Tyler and I could tell people on the other side of the studio were taking prolonged periods of time to make huge batches of coffee to offset their work... And then Tyler got a call from our boss Daria. She told him that she got shingles and has been in bed for the past few days... which is completely horrible and must be really painful, but it also meant no boss was coming into work for the day... basically a snow day for us! Karen even ordered pizza and we watched snl in the boardroom! Wow... what an awesome start to a Monday! Time began to drag though, and after a while I had nothing left to do, so Tyler offered to drive me home and we left at around 2.30... a fast break for a day that even started late.
Of course, the bad part of the day had arrive at some point... It started when I got home. Mom was taking my stuff and using it... so I asked her why she didn't ask and instead of being civil or normal... she had to go and yell at me about how I don't even use the boots she borrowed... which is completely false and just her trying to come up with some extraneous reason as to why she's right. And then she got mad at me when I reminded her that I'm not allowed to borrow anything from anyone in the house without asking... even though she said it was okay for her to take my boots because 'they're old and I don't even use them anymore'... ugh it's like arguing with her in high school all over again. I don't know why she does it, or why she has to pick on me. If it were Ciara, she would ask her nicely or even if she didn't ask and Ciara brought it up, she'd at least act civil and bullshit and yell about it. Well things only got better from there... me, Ciara, and her went to the mall... and oh what a joy. I just wasn't talking to her for a while because of how bitchy she was back at home, but then after hours of watching Ciara try on boots and being dragged into extremely expensive jewelry stores by them... I wanted to try on dresses at Macy's.... and to my luck Mom was in an even nastier mood. Everything I tried on she had some mean comment for, and nothing she said made me feel good. It felt like high school when she'd laugh at me, or make fun of what I was wearing almost every day. All I goddamn wanted was a dress for New Year's and she had to make me feel like a cow. Oh, not to mention how she's the health freak and doesn't even cook for the family anymore... today's lunch and dinner was leftover pizza... wow manager of Jenny Craig... awesome going on helping your family stay healthy. Oye, I couldn't wait for break after having that horrible semester of being James' partner in DD, but now I am either dead tired, bored, or being picked on by my annoying mother. I kind of just want to get away.
- c
Then, upon showing up at work I realized there was hardly anyone in. It was literally all of the interns/ younger people, Karen the lady at our front desk, and two older guys [who somehow missed the older-people-are-smart-and-stay-home memo]. Sooo, I slowly got to work... there was a lot of talking between me and Tyler and I could tell people on the other side of the studio were taking prolonged periods of time to make huge batches of coffee to offset their work... And then Tyler got a call from our boss Daria. She told him that she got shingles and has been in bed for the past few days... which is completely horrible and must be really painful, but it also meant no boss was coming into work for the day... basically a snow day for us! Karen even ordered pizza and we watched snl in the boardroom! Wow... what an awesome start to a Monday! Time began to drag though, and after a while I had nothing left to do, so Tyler offered to drive me home and we left at around 2.30... a fast break for a day that even started late.
Of course, the bad part of the day had arrive at some point... It started when I got home. Mom was taking my stuff and using it... so I asked her why she didn't ask and instead of being civil or normal... she had to go and yell at me about how I don't even use the boots she borrowed... which is completely false and just her trying to come up with some extraneous reason as to why she's right. And then she got mad at me when I reminded her that I'm not allowed to borrow anything from anyone in the house without asking... even though she said it was okay for her to take my boots because 'they're old and I don't even use them anymore'... ugh it's like arguing with her in high school all over again. I don't know why she does it, or why she has to pick on me. If it were Ciara, she would ask her nicely or even if she didn't ask and Ciara brought it up, she'd at least act civil and bullshit and yell about it. Well things only got better from there... me, Ciara, and her went to the mall... and oh what a joy. I just wasn't talking to her for a while because of how bitchy she was back at home, but then after hours of watching Ciara try on boots and being dragged into extremely expensive jewelry stores by them... I wanted to try on dresses at Macy's.... and to my luck Mom was in an even nastier mood. Everything I tried on she had some mean comment for, and nothing she said made me feel good. It felt like high school when she'd laugh at me, or make fun of what I was wearing almost every day. All I goddamn wanted was a dress for New Year's and she had to make me feel like a cow. Oh, not to mention how she's the health freak and doesn't even cook for the family anymore... today's lunch and dinner was leftover pizza... wow manager of Jenny Craig... awesome going on helping your family stay healthy. Oye, I couldn't wait for break after having that horrible semester of being James' partner in DD, but now I am either dead tired, bored, or being picked on by my annoying mother. I kind of just want to get away.
- c
Sunday, December 26, 2010
being bored on break
For some reason today has turned into ultimate boredom for me. I'm not exactly "looking forward" to sitting behind the computer again tomorrow, but Tuesday I'm going back to walking the Health Center which will be fun. I do like that Tyler works at the firm, it helps me 'want' to go to work even on days when I know I'll just be behind a computer. I hope it's not annoying to the other people that we talk often, but it definitely makes the transition into a professional setting much easier.
I'm writing again today just to outline my classes for next semester. It's so crazy to look back on this blog 'summer noise' [I think it was originally 'oh joy... in troy', but I changed the for the summer]... these entries started about a year ago in January, just after getting back from Italy. I remember wanting to start the writing because I was so in love with Boston. I really wish Eric liked it there as much as me, but he's said before he gets bored going back there every chance we get [we've already been two or three times because of my begging]. There's just something so nostalgic for me to go to Boston every year... and now it's even more special in the wintertime because coming back to America after Italy is one of my favorite memories. That whole trip back, from leaving our apartment in a hurry, catching the train, and sleeping in the Zurich airport, to that final flight back over the Big Blue... it's all an amazing dream to look back upon. I was so excited to see him upon returning that the whole trip, I could feel my heart building up love for him. After the midpoint of the semester in Italy, I missed him more than ever. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and back to my old life, old friends at RPI. I couldn't imagine going through another half a semester worth of waiting... but on that flight home I found peace. I was at peace with taking that time to cherish the journey I'd been on, and able to whole-heartily look forward to my return. I didn't have to worry about sleeping alone, and feeling lonely anymore, because once that second plane landed we would be together again. I know that it's super cheesy, and really cliche, but I fall into loneliness easily and I love returning to people and places. When I was little I would wake up just to see the ride through Albany when my family was returning from a trip. I would sing some loud, awkward song about loving Albany until my mom would wake up and tell me to stop. For some reason I love the feeling of returning home. It's not even 'being' home, when I'm home I dream about traveling somewhere else, but I like that feeling of returning to somewhere I belong and I think that feeling was twofold arriving in Boston - I was back in my home country and I was back with the person I wanted to be with. It's so true when someone says that a person can be 'home' to someone....
Soooo, on another note... my classes for next semester.
- Vertical Studio.... [I hope Krueger is doing one, well especially DBell... but he's going to India... I DO NOT want to be in one with Gustavo, and can't be in Oatman's again... I also don't really want to be in a bubble studio...]
- Cultural Anthropology - I hope this class is actually good.. Jay said he took it and it wasn't taught well, but I can always take another anthro class at SUNY Alb after this one... I really want to see if this subject would be something I want to pursue further
- Sensory Culture - Krueger's elective... pretty excited since he studied sociology and has interesting acoustics projects going on... maybe he could advise me on my interests since he seems to have similar ones
- Ecology - a bio class about ecosystems and the ways animals/the living world interacts with the environment... I'm not really looking to apply this to architecture or anything, but I think my love of philosophy/ complex debate/situations will be a good application to whatever I learn in this class - maybe it'll be a way to express my unique viewpoint into a different context like what I was able to accomplish in essays in philosophy and the writing class I took last Spring
- Structural Morphologies - not sure if I want to stay in this class or not... it's structural design with Ivan, that I've heard isn't much work... but knowing Ivan he will pile on the assignments at the worst possible times... I also don't want to have too many credit hours because I'd like to join the Equestrian team again... I miss it so much... maybe I can find a different class at SUNY that'd fit into my schedule and be more fun than this...
- c
I'm writing again today just to outline my classes for next semester. It's so crazy to look back on this blog 'summer noise' [I think it was originally 'oh joy... in troy', but I changed the for the summer]... these entries started about a year ago in January, just after getting back from Italy. I remember wanting to start the writing because I was so in love with Boston. I really wish Eric liked it there as much as me, but he's said before he gets bored going back there every chance we get [we've already been two or three times because of my begging]. There's just something so nostalgic for me to go to Boston every year... and now it's even more special in the wintertime because coming back to America after Italy is one of my favorite memories. That whole trip back, from leaving our apartment in a hurry, catching the train, and sleeping in the Zurich airport, to that final flight back over the Big Blue... it's all an amazing dream to look back upon. I was so excited to see him upon returning that the whole trip, I could feel my heart building up love for him. After the midpoint of the semester in Italy, I missed him more than ever. I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and back to my old life, old friends at RPI. I couldn't imagine going through another half a semester worth of waiting... but on that flight home I found peace. I was at peace with taking that time to cherish the journey I'd been on, and able to whole-heartily look forward to my return. I didn't have to worry about sleeping alone, and feeling lonely anymore, because once that second plane landed we would be together again. I know that it's super cheesy, and really cliche, but I fall into loneliness easily and I love returning to people and places. When I was little I would wake up just to see the ride through Albany when my family was returning from a trip. I would sing some loud, awkward song about loving Albany until my mom would wake up and tell me to stop. For some reason I love the feeling of returning home. It's not even 'being' home, when I'm home I dream about traveling somewhere else, but I like that feeling of returning to somewhere I belong and I think that feeling was twofold arriving in Boston - I was back in my home country and I was back with the person I wanted to be with. It's so true when someone says that a person can be 'home' to someone....
Soooo, on another note... my classes for next semester.
- Vertical Studio.... [I hope Krueger is doing one, well especially DBell... but he's going to India... I DO NOT want to be in one with Gustavo, and can't be in Oatman's again... I also don't really want to be in a bubble studio...]
- Cultural Anthropology - I hope this class is actually good.. Jay said he took it and it wasn't taught well, but I can always take another anthro class at SUNY Alb after this one... I really want to see if this subject would be something I want to pursue further
- Sensory Culture - Krueger's elective... pretty excited since he studied sociology and has interesting acoustics projects going on... maybe he could advise me on my interests since he seems to have similar ones
- Ecology - a bio class about ecosystems and the ways animals/the living world interacts with the environment... I'm not really looking to apply this to architecture or anything, but I think my love of philosophy/ complex debate/situations will be a good application to whatever I learn in this class - maybe it'll be a way to express my unique viewpoint into a different context like what I was able to accomplish in essays in philosophy and the writing class I took last Spring
- Structural Morphologies - not sure if I want to stay in this class or not... it's structural design with Ivan, that I've heard isn't much work... but knowing Ivan he will pile on the assignments at the worst possible times... I also don't want to have too many credit hours because I'd like to join the Equestrian team again... I miss it so much... maybe I can find a different class at SUNY that'd fit into my schedule and be more fun than this...
- c
what dreams?
I haven't written on here in a while, but of course it's all about me thinking far too into the future. Once again I'm dreaming my way out of architecture... this time it's not escaping the bachelor's though... it's finding something new for grad school. Philosophy still intrigues me, but it's also one of those things where I'd be behind a desk most of the day... which is something I want to escape. I love being up and walking around everyday. I think that is one of the main reasons I miss Rome. Blanchard's class is definitely something I would return to... the day his class ended I remember knowing I was going to miss walking around Rome every other day. And now, with my job at Envision Architects, I'm already disappointed that we got through walking around Ellis Hospital already. There's still the Health Center and Bellevue to go, but those won't be as complex and interesting as the hospital was. It's hard work to walk for ten hours a day, but by the time the work's done I feel like I've accomplished something... rather than wasting away behind my computer in studio and eating the same old, gross paninis from Sage Cafe.
I don't know how I'll begin to explain this to Oatman and DBell. They saw me fall apart last Spring when I couldn't decide what to do for the bachelor's... I am so afraid of a bad recommendation or something about how indecisive I am, but maybe that's something that'll fit with archaeology/anthropology... the change of place, the change of topic/focus, the change of bosses with each job... it could be just what my indecisive mind needs... the requirement to move onto something new in this profession. And more so than architecture, sure you can change the project, the place, the boss, but there is something that's always the same in architecture... and maybe it's that 'sitting behind a desk' environment that doesn't budge. I've spent enough of my life behind computer screens, reading books, being lazy and sedentary... why not have a job that gets me up and moving? I know my favorite part of this job with the firm is getting to walk around the hospital... seeing what is happening in every space, or trying to figure out what happened in all of the vacant ones. It's frightening, exciting, tiresome, and a grand adventure overall. I wonder if being on construction sites would be similar in architecture, but how often would I get to be on-site? I love the design aspect of architecture as well, but I get extremely bored diagramming behind the computer. I love the drafting, the hand-sketching, and figuring out my thoughts by sketching, but when it comes to diagramming my ideas, and doing renders.... maybe it's just because I'm not good at it - that I despise it [although not being good at something - in the past - has led me to chase after it more... an oddly it's not so in this case].
I'm so bad at writing on here - and just thinking in general today... I went out to the mall to get some gifts I was waiting to buy and couldn't form a thought at all. I found myself in my personal safehaven - Barnes & Noble... wandering around the history isles, and not getting anywhere. I needed coffee? I needed to have woken up earlier? My brain is just one big fuzzy mess today and I need to snap out of it for work tomorrow. But some other things on my mind, are what are the next steps in my life? I always find myself regulating what's going to happen to me... especially where I'm going to go, and I think Eric is a big reason for this. I missed him to death being in Italy, but now I miss Italy to death. I think it's going to be this sort of "sailor syndrome" that will rule my life forever. It's the tug of war that was played on my heart when I almost left architecture, and I think it's exactly what Mr. Hanley was talking about when he told me that my indecision was my worst quality. And it is. But maybe it is my worst quality... it's also going to be the thing that defines me, and maybe rather than fight it, I need to just work with it and let the winds lead me to wherever I need to go. I think I'm at a point in my life where I realize looking back that I should have just taken the chances I was unsure of taking, and do what I want in this moment in time. I shouldn't get caught-up planning the future because I'll never know what's coming. I need to just live in the desires I have at this moment - and if it's pursuing Anthropology, then so it is... and I'll see where life takes me from there.
In this mode of thinking, I've got to plan a little for the short-term... stuff like applying to grad schools, where to go, what to look for, when to take the gre's....
I think my next step should be getting a gre study guide, maybe plan on taking the exam over the summer 2011... I noticed Harvard has one date for graduate admissions and Anthropology is December 31st.... so by next winter I need to plan on having all of my submittals - I need to figure out who my three academic references will be, find a time/ get inspired to write my statement of interest, and talk to these departments about how I can fit-in as a serious architecture student within the field of anthro/archae.
So...
- gre study guide
- gre exam dates?
- what grad schools interest me?
- talk to grad departments/ professors
- figure out three academic references
- do I need to go through field school?
- what are all of the required submittals?
- be prepared to submit app's by early/mid- December 2011
And some intertwined business...
- Grimshaw internship summer 2011? [ nyc ]
- field school summer 2011? [ ny, ct, virginia, tennessee, italy, egypt....??? ]
- Envision Arch. summer 2011? [ albany ]
Ahhh, life is soooo exciting [ at times... haha ].
- c
I don't know how I'll begin to explain this to Oatman and DBell. They saw me fall apart last Spring when I couldn't decide what to do for the bachelor's... I am so afraid of a bad recommendation or something about how indecisive I am, but maybe that's something that'll fit with archaeology/anthropology... the change of place, the change of topic/focus, the change of bosses with each job... it could be just what my indecisive mind needs... the requirement to move onto something new in this profession. And more so than architecture, sure you can change the project, the place, the boss, but there is something that's always the same in architecture... and maybe it's that 'sitting behind a desk' environment that doesn't budge. I've spent enough of my life behind computer screens, reading books, being lazy and sedentary... why not have a job that gets me up and moving? I know my favorite part of this job with the firm is getting to walk around the hospital... seeing what is happening in every space, or trying to figure out what happened in all of the vacant ones. It's frightening, exciting, tiresome, and a grand adventure overall. I wonder if being on construction sites would be similar in architecture, but how often would I get to be on-site? I love the design aspect of architecture as well, but I get extremely bored diagramming behind the computer. I love the drafting, the hand-sketching, and figuring out my thoughts by sketching, but when it comes to diagramming my ideas, and doing renders.... maybe it's just because I'm not good at it - that I despise it [although not being good at something - in the past - has led me to chase after it more... an oddly it's not so in this case].
I'm so bad at writing on here - and just thinking in general today... I went out to the mall to get some gifts I was waiting to buy and couldn't form a thought at all. I found myself in my personal safehaven - Barnes & Noble... wandering around the history isles, and not getting anywhere. I needed coffee? I needed to have woken up earlier? My brain is just one big fuzzy mess today and I need to snap out of it for work tomorrow. But some other things on my mind, are what are the next steps in my life? I always find myself regulating what's going to happen to me... especially where I'm going to go, and I think Eric is a big reason for this. I missed him to death being in Italy, but now I miss Italy to death. I think it's going to be this sort of "sailor syndrome" that will rule my life forever. It's the tug of war that was played on my heart when I almost left architecture, and I think it's exactly what Mr. Hanley was talking about when he told me that my indecision was my worst quality. And it is. But maybe it is my worst quality... it's also going to be the thing that defines me, and maybe rather than fight it, I need to just work with it and let the winds lead me to wherever I need to go. I think I'm at a point in my life where I realize looking back that I should have just taken the chances I was unsure of taking, and do what I want in this moment in time. I shouldn't get caught-up planning the future because I'll never know what's coming. I need to just live in the desires I have at this moment - and if it's pursuing Anthropology, then so it is... and I'll see where life takes me from there.
In this mode of thinking, I've got to plan a little for the short-term... stuff like applying to grad schools, where to go, what to look for, when to take the gre's....
I think my next step should be getting a gre study guide, maybe plan on taking the exam over the summer 2011... I noticed Harvard has one date for graduate admissions and Anthropology is December 31st.... so by next winter I need to plan on having all of my submittals - I need to figure out who my three academic references will be, find a time/ get inspired to write my statement of interest, and talk to these departments about how I can fit-in as a serious architecture student within the field of anthro/archae.
So...
- gre study guide
- gre exam dates?
- what grad schools interest me?
- talk to grad departments/ professors
- figure out three academic references
- do I need to go through field school?
- what are all of the required submittals?
- be prepared to submit app's by early/mid- December 2011
And some intertwined business...
- Grimshaw internship summer 2011? [ nyc ]
- field school summer 2011? [ ny, ct, virginia, tennessee, italy, egypt....??? ]
- Envision Arch. summer 2011? [ albany ]
Ahhh, life is soooo exciting [ at times... haha ].
- c
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